THE TANK's blog: "poetry"

rolling darkness A black existence. Where sky meets earth on the terrible horizon. Stretching out for centuries. Extending on and on in mingled, primordial shades of dimness. Mists mixing with air mixing with sky. And here I sit, so trivial. A fleck of sand in a wasteland of shattered glass. So disappointed. Wholly unmindful of the wonders of the world. Far too weary from regret. I peer out, through rust scented screen, out into the great, abyssal world below. And all at once, as the whistling wind and cooling rain blow in upon me I hear the howling moan. It burrows deep into my heart. A promise carried within the ungodly sound, an oath of suffering. And grief is abruptly summoned by this night. And with it, the uninvited monster of woe. Limitless, this beast, but with a soft, melodic whisper. It begs for me to relent. Implores that I would yield to it’s enticing request. The world opens it’s infinitely vast mouth and the mist below me presents itself with a loving vow. A promise of reprieve. Swirling with an eerily rhythmic, hopeful sentience. Ready to blanket me in a quiet, timeless slumber. Where I can be delivered from the hands of despair. Where I can become a faceless nothing. Without beginning and without end. An insignificant drop of water and sky and air drifting within the yawning fog deep wound Inside I’m torn apart Left raw and helpless I can’t breath Beneath the surface I bleed For all the pain that I’ve caused I must leave Believe that I can return to myself In the depths of my heart I must start all over again In the end I’m still here But in silence I will wait Until my problems disappear I fear It just won’t go away Everyday I’ve wronged Myself to everyone I fall to my knees And plead An apology In the end I’m still here But in silence I will wait Until my problems disappear I fear It just won’t go away Promises my first attempt at a song I’ve been waiting I’ve been waiting for you To choose me over him And I ask myself why Why do I even bother? Each day passes by And all I see Are the tears in your eyes You want to pick me But you’re too afraid So you close your eyes again But in the end I’m still here I’m the one that makes your life clear I will fight away your fears And bring life back To the years you lost I will wash away your tears And whisper in your ears A love song You’ve been longing to hear What are you waiting for? What are you waiting for? Make up your mind Before I leave and close the door I will fight away your fears And bring life back To the years you lost I will wash away your tears And whisper in your ears A love song You’ve been longing to hear If you come right over here And be with me i cant seem to let go I want you to know That you mean the world to me I can’t seem to let go The feeling inside that goes Free around my body From my head to my toes I just can’t let go You are irresistible And I am not able To turn the tables on you Let me take control I seem to be falling apart Deep inside my Thorne heart An urge to break through These callus strands Demands me to save you Without a well thought plan Every chance I make Another sacrifice to take Away All my love for you These walls could break These walls could break Through my thorns And shut down my torn Heart with a disastrous storm Let me take control I seem to be falling apart Deep inside my Thorne heart An urge to break through These callus strands Demands me to save you Without a well thought plan pressure beneath me Why do I let the pressure build? Build up so deep inside me I can hardly breathe A burden right beneath me And I carry it everywhere I go I just watch it tear me apart Eating away at my heart And I pretend like I don’t know What’s wrong with me? But everyday I let it be apart of me I let it be apart of me Why do I let the pressure build? Build up so deep inside me I can hardly breathe A burden right beneath me And I carry it everywhere I go It follows me A shadow that’s made out of me If I blink it will only get worse It’s a curse and its ready to burst I can’t take the pressure I’m ready to explode I can’t listen to you lecture I’m ready to jump out the window Because I’m out of control Out of control Why do I let the pressure build? Build up so deep inside me I can hardly breathe A burden right beneath me And I carry it everywhere I go. misunderstood Misunderstood i travel the world in search of that one divine answer. Endlessly living in repeatition i pull my self together, just one last time. Still anxiously awaiting my ABSOLUTE and final line. Could it be without even knowing it, i’ve lost total control? In the blink of an eye i’ve become rapidly aware. things are what you make them and nothing significant could ever compare. siginificance Unable to speak of the pain my heart must endure i am a hopeless dreamer awaiting my chance to shine Only most obliged to hold on with venegance . Once visited by determination, now starving for a follow through For once to finish an idea. Perhaps to show the world things have relevance i must first start to believe in them. boy standing still feet still planted down until the very roots he stands still yet the world passes him by seems as if no one ever stays but he does not change looking into his eyes how can he hold in so much pain? pushed around, told what to do he obeys when he could say no all he ever wanted was a friend why is this world so cold? no one will reach out someone, anyone standing still he finally moves his feet he’s leaving soon says this world is just too much that there’s no room left you know he called you everyday just even to say "hey.. how was your day?" but you never called back never realized he had been away didn’t you wonder if he was okay? don’t worry don’t get up i checked instead i found his name in a column in the newspaper just last week he crashed drove 110 over a bridge but where were you? cozy in your recliner. laid back, at home? he called you that night but why? why you? oh yes that’s right remember what you said you’d hold him up when everyone else let him down so i lied... it never happened but it made you think, almost sorry he’s willing to risk his life... but are you willing to take the risk of never calling? cause while he stands still a plan has been developing a girl tonight i laid next to you, and saw a girl i thought i’d never meet. a girl who made me see age is just a number a girl who let’s me show him my affection in public a girl who has seen me cry, and in return cried with me a girl who held the door of opportunity open for me a girl who can lay with me for hours at a time and not get bored a girl who stuck with me when others turned their backs a girl whose lips fit mine so perfectly a girl who made me laugh when i was having the worst day a girl who stopped by just to say “goodnight” :] a girl who pushes me to not let others get me down a girl who lets me know i am someone in this world a girl who bought me a dozen roses from the goodness of his heart a girl who cooked me dinner for the first time in my life a girl who no matter what, won’t leave my side a girl who proved to me love doesn’t have to hurt a girl who i wouldn’t mind spending a lifetime with a girl who i can’t live without a girl who i love with a heart so true black thorne heart I lost all my control I just can’t let it go This burden deep inside me Tears up my soul Everyday the tears I cry Inside the lies collide I’m too afraid to show my face My world is out of place And I wonder why..... Why do I have to cry every night? Tell me Why do I have to cry every night? The lies inside that crawl and hide away In a distant time My faith broke down Surrounded by the guilt I found And I believe this tragedy Will easily be solved And I wonder why..... Why do I have to cry every night? Tell me Why do I have to cry every night? The lies inside that crawl and hide away Everyday the tears I cry Inside the lies collide I’m too afraid to show my face My world is out of place And I wonder why..... Why do I have to cry every night? Tell me Why do I have to cry every night? The lies inside that crawl and hide The lies inside that crawl and hide They live alive and they are here to stay almost i’d travel oh so far to be where you are i’d travel there by car to be where you are but if i get there i’d find that i’d change my mind it happens all the time to a friend of mine always making statements and moving step by step always acting theories i will regret my only consolation in the things that i’ve done are the people who know me and the objects i own unknown name even when you’re at your weakest you’re where i’ll want to be and by now i really see it thats the way you embrace me i truly feel like im with you when i look into your eyes to me thats something new it’s for you that my heart cries wisdom tells me we’re still fresh that we have lots of room to grow and the way you hold me honestly tells me all i need to know] death vs. life. Death is dark. Death is pure. Death knows only one thing. You cannot control it. You never know when it will show up. Its everywhere, here and there. It comes and goes when it wants. It takes but never gives. Death is not evil, It is just a result of evil. Life is light. Life is pure. Life only knows one thing. You can control it. You always know when it will show up. Its everywhere, here and there. It comes and goes at your will. It gives but never takes. Life is not good, It is just a result of good. To have life is to have death. To have death is to have life. Its an endless cycle for all enertiy hope hope dwindles in the twilight by the shore they sit and wait watching the sunset awaiting a word of hope a glimmer of light left holding onto the last bit of light hoping darkness and night never come as long as there is hope life can go on as long as hope lives the two can go on together for even a few minuts longer a few more seconds of hope,of love together they bring hope untitled I'll never show the pain deep within my soul because today is the day I'm finally letting go. The last year of hell changed a part of me it taught me a valued lesson of how cruel people can really be. Choosing to move forward never looking back even if it kills me life will get back on track. Reflections from the past knowledge became real clear no longer will I live my life within darkness or in fear. Moving on in life without you is something I must do you pushed me far enough and I almost came unglued. So keep in mind these words 'just remember' where it ends I've let you go completely even though you were my friend. questions? Gentle are your kisses, Tender is your touch, Delicious are your thoughts, But is evil your intent? Will you harm me? Will you love me? Will you be true? Will love be sweetly new, or fade like the morning dew? Shall I cry? Shall I try? Shall you love, or shall you fly? first loves too sweet are the first loves, such that for every love to follow there is always a small taste of sour Sorrow Saddens while love blooms, who can say what ahead looms, never will I know, if your love is in your soul, judge me not by day, because everything is unique in a way. when we were. Satan, you know where I lie Gently I go into that good night All our lives get complicated Search for pleasures overrated Never armed our souls What the future would hold When we were innocent Angels, lend me your might Forfeit all my lives to get just one right All those colors long since faded All our smiles are confiscated Never were we told What the future would hold When we were young fairy tale ending i wish you could see you how i do i wish you could know how i feel about you i wish you could see how much you meen to me so we can be together for all time like in a fairy tale boy meets girl love and happily ever after unlike that we have no happiness yet for all we all are two diffrent ppl with two diffrent lives with two diffrent hearts so maybe later on when we can find happiness ill see you im my fairy tale my love. girl my second attempt at a song What do you do when your scared and alone What do you do when your secluded to home What do you do when theres no one to hear The story of a girl whos filled with fear How do you help someone who cant get away How do you help somoene who doesnt want the next day How do you tell when shes really hurt When all her blood and tears are hidden in the dirt When do you know its truly time to run When do you know shes about to grab a gun When do you tell her that her lifes at its peak If she cant hear you through her own minds shriek Why cant this girl just see through the rain Why cant this girl just fight through her pain Why does she do things to only herself Its just her life thats sitting on the shelf Do you really think that she doesnt care Do you really think that theres nothing there Do you really think her emotions are dead All this girl sees is her life written in red She wants the help that she cant find She wants the only help that she has in mind She wants to take what she can get No more pains and no more regret someday Ringing words tender sweet Kisses soft and same as words Fluttering hearts skip a beat Sounds as sweet as morning birds Graceful steps upon the floor Dancing to the tune Prancing around like a tour Sadly knowing the song ends soon Holding eachother gently, tight Never letting go Feeling that everything is simply right Just going with the flow Stars shining in the sky Whispering so many romantic things To make us want to joyfully cry As the beautiful crickets sing These little things prove my love to you I love you more than youll ever know I cant wait to say i do, Youll see someday we will do so the road thats newly gravelved another song attempt How do you say your sorry to the unforgiving? How can you be forgiven by someone who no longer knows your living? A heart is a fragile thing. You never know what it may bring. A heart holds emotions that can be hidden and untold. Maybe its about time everyone lets them unfold. Maybe a special someone just needs a special chance. Maybe in the future well all know the same dance. You can dig your own hole deep into the ground. Just remember what goes around comes around. Its about time to fill it in, for all wounds to mend. Its about time for all the fury to end. You only live one day at a time. Keep yourself out of trouble and crime. Put one foot in front of the other, keep on walking. Unless its something that need be said, dont keep on talking. Leading a good life isnt as hard as it seems. Follow your own path keep up with your dreams. Dont hurt other people or break their hearts. Not everything ends the way it starts. Stick up for the kid from down the street. Pick yourself up, stay upon your own feet. Every day is a whole new chapter. Not every story ends happily ever after. Dont just follow the road less traveled, But also follow the road thats newly graveled. Wake up!-another attempt at a song Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! This is not a test! It’s time to meet the concrete Get it off your chest So steady your hand before your face and concentrate Theres gotta be some stable ground We have to walk on So tear another page from the book Are you asleep or just alone? Clear this room from your lungs Pull yourself together Pull yourself together, man Pull yourself together Pull yourself together On your back, You’re sleeping in a bed of shame Bring some new life into this room It’s what keeps you coming back Made up of insatiable songs Bury your head in your hands and sing it to yourself Just what are you so afraid of? What are you so afraid of? You’re staring truth in the face So come on down What are you so afraid of? You’re busy living now, aren’t you? You’re busy making vows You’re coming unglued Time is shorter than you know I know ??? So why don’t you take steps away from being alone I swear, it’s not too late for you It’s all worth reaching for The hands will pull you out Wake up! Wake up! Wake up! define your mind An attempted expression, twisted & flattened, until it no longer resembles creative thought. The taffy pulling of your brain, that’s what poetry means to me. Skribbling down my thoughts, which should have stayed inside my head, internally I fought, but spewed them out instead. This happens all the time, the warping of my mind, to bring about the squeezing out of ideas I’ve defined. short and sweet just like her Lights off, eyes closed Try to sleep, start to doze Half dreaming, I see you Oh if only, it were true Four a.m., back to bed Pictures swirling, clouded head One last thought, a face I miss In my dreams, those lips I kiss Pouty lips, silky skin, So many ways, to begin Sexy curves, traffic stopping, All dressed up, jaw-dropping A single thought, I love you Look around, a wish come true? Not tonight, sometime soon Every night, I’ll spend with you Empty bed, lonely place Yet a smile, on my face So in love, I adore Loved forever, and ever more Only one, I hold near The only one, is you my dear. destroyed We had true love, or so I thought, Now here I sit, all distraught, I only ever think of you, And all the things that I would do. To hold you close and feel your kiss, And your loving tenderness, I loved and cared and so did you, But I guess our love was not true. So torn up inside my cage, But only love, there is no rage. I’m not angry, I don’t resent, I only wish we could have went, Down another, different path, Where all is happy and love will last. I’ll never forget the times we shared, Or how much you always cared, But now I must set you free, Maybe someday you’ll come back to me. You could no longer be with me, You had to choose your destiny, Out of nowhere came a crash, My heart is shattered, broken, smashed. Abandoned by the one I trusted most, I feel so empty, like a ghost, No way to sleep or even eat, Will this love be my defeat? I was so sure, that you’d be there, Every day and every where. God I miss her! deaths gold grip The icy hands of death clawing at my back, There’s no use now, awaiting an attack, It’s not the fall, it’s the sudden stop, I lay in a ditch, fell from the top, Blood spots all over my clothes, Grasping for life and no one knows, Pulling me down into his world, Death looks at me with eyes swirled, It’s my name I see on his list, Willingly I go, I won’t be missed only you I’m so amazed you love me, I can’t believe it’s true, I’m just an average guy, What did I ever do? I don’t think I deserve, All the love you give to me, I’m more than glad to take it, And forever I will be. I’m so lucky to have found, Someone so good and true, And every time I think of it, I fall more in love with you. Thank you for your kindness, I’ll always be in debt, For everything you’ve done for me, Though you don’t know it yet. You may have saved my life, You’ve brought out my best, Back before I met you, I was so depressed. There’s nothing I want more, Than to share my life with you I’m so happy to be loved, By the one and only you. sexy We’re cuddled up in a chair, Playing with your silky hair, Licking softly at sexy lips, As a hand slides to your hips. I wrap my arms around your waist, A loving look at your face. I see the look of wanting more, I make sure I’ve locked the door. A lip meets teeth as you wait, Going crazy, I anticipate. Run your fingers through my hair, Scratch my back, I don’t care. You lay there naked on the sheets, I feel the passion; feel the heat, Looking into your big, brown eyes, Kisses on your sexy thighs, Across your face a seductive grin, And this is our sweetest sin. Bodies, souls and minds are one, Until the rising of the sun. desire I close my eyes and see your face, I lick my lips, it’s you I taste, Trying hard to end my day, On my mind, there you’ll stay, My need for you burns like fire, To touch your skin, I desire, Run your hands across my hips, I need to feel your fingertips, Your kisses take my breath away, But it’s your love I want today, The sweat beads up from the heat, Something we must try to beat, Layer by layer we try to cope, But alas there is no hope, I look and see your shining skin, I can’t help it, I give in, A kiss is all it really takes, To start the love we will make, Complete and total bliss, Is not the only thing I miss, When we indulge in our sweetest sin, I know that there is more than skin, Laying there with you next to me, I think of all we can be, Soulmates, lovers, a perfect match, My true love, we’ll stay attached. vulger words Motherfuckers, kiss my ass, It may be harsh, it may be crass, Go to hell you fucking bitch, I hope you die in a ditch, All you bastards don’t know shit, Ignorant pricks and useless tits, I’d kill you all if I could, You all think I’m understood, You don’t know shit about my life, I wish you all could feel my strife, Maybe then you’d understand, You stil don’t know? Take my hand, Look in my eyes and you will find, That I know I’ll be left behind, Motherfuckers, kiss my ass, It may be harsh, it may be crass, Fuck you all and go to hell, And maybe then you can tell. running rampant My thoughts are runnin rampant, going each and everyway checking out every possibility and its startin to drive me up the wall. Why cant things be simple and straight, confusion i hate, why cant we all just be simple and relate but instead play these stupid games. dark heart suffers Depression lurks just beyond the shadows- So thick with blackness so cold yet warm with welcome- Suffering within itself capturing its prey- Hundreds at a time- All youth- Victory comes when the life is taken a vampires kiss Blood drips slowly Trickling over skin Once so radiant and peach Now so thin and pale- Were you ever really there? or did I dream you? This cant be so For my dreams never come true... one decision Torn between two One is wanted The other needed- Craving both Needing resolution- Is Love greater than Lust? or do I not allow it? in my blood she swims the other makes that blood flow- Decisions need to be reached- Will I not choose either? you kissed me You Kissed me when you loved me You did it when I was sad. You said you did it that night because you wanted to but things just don’t feel right. You kissed me just a few days ago, when you said you made a mistake. But now you are avoiding me and going back to old ways. I lied to people when they asked me, cause I didn’t want to be the reason things were bad. But now there is a reason you stay with him and that is really okay. I don’t want to be with you because your mouth just spits out lies. You said I made you happiest and that I was beautiful when i cried. I still love you cause I’m hopeless. I listen to all you say. I love our conversations but you always go away. I’m not going to lie anymore about what you say to me. behind closed doors you offer me the love and relationship I wanted, but in the light of day and infront of your friends and public you shy away. I’m not playing these games anymore, I’m not dealing with all this pain. Just give me what I’ve wanted and my stuff back and I’ll let you go away. Just don’t kiss me when you see me, don’t cry and say you don’t want me to go away. Just live with what you’ve done and make someone happy someday. Stop being a cheating bitch. Stop saying one thing and then doing another. Stop all this pillow talk, you just playing under the covers. I love you but you can’t commit to anyone person. You lie to me, you probably lie to him....just stop the stupid shit. I’m leaving so I don’t have to feel like this because it really makes me sick. I want those kisses you gave to me to be real and heartfelt. But your psycho thoughts of having us both aren’t hard to forget. With everything that’s happened to you and me I should have just quit. But your words seem so real and your kisses so loving that I sometimes just forget....Your a liar and a cheat and it seems you haven’t changed. I’m glad I’m not in his shoes now, I remember when i was. But God shined down on me and gave me a chance to make the errors undone. more to come

trapped inside can't escape gatta fly wanna go wanna run I'll never be done I'll never get to fly never got to run I'm holding myslef back gatta let go just so i know that i can do anything on my mind my true destiny i must find Reviel to me my true power and give me the strength at my darkest hour to do what i know i must to get myself free and begin to trust for my past is not all bright trapped in darkness for so long now awaiting an escape from a dark past i need a reason to let the demons go let myself care let myself trust this has to be done before i self-destruct whether or not i can be free depends completly on me do I let go and forget who i am ordo I hold on becoming a stronger man a tougher man with no hope but of pain how can I stay sane no one can see the true pain in me no one can help the only one that can help me is myself this is something that I can't put on a shelve it needs to be done not just for myself what can be done to get my freedom I don't expect the truth to just come I know something must be done whether or not i have the strength I don't know but it's something i need to find out the answer lays just out of reach I may have finnaly found what i seek but i may never know untill i grow grow enough to beat back my demons fight off the darkness fight off the night untill there is a glimmer of light after the night I survived the fight I defeated all those in my path and gazed upon the after math nothing stands but me for as far as i can see now bloddied from the battle I stand in the light I have the power I have the might I can now begin to feel and begin my flight soaring among the clouds for miles I see what I've done and I know I have the power to have fun I start to trust more and it shows everyday I have less and less foes my life starts to come together and i hope its stays this way forever then in the corner of my eye i see him there.......