237108's blog: "poetry"

BEFORE I WRITE WHATS ON UR MIND I WILL SAY THIS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE IS THE ONLY MAN ON MY FAMILY LIST AND THE ONLY ONE THAT WILL EVER BE THERE WHEN WE FIRST MET I HAD A HARD TIME TRUSTING GUYS, BUT THAN U CAME ALONG AND SWEPT ME OFF MY FEET TO MY SURPRISE I NEVER KNEW THAT I WOULD ACTUALLY FALL IN LOVE AT A YOUNG AGE, BUT I GREW CLOSE TO U AND PUT UP WITH THE GAMES THAT U PLAYED I TOLD U HOW I FELT AND U AGREED NOT TO HURT ME ANYMORE FOR U SAID U WANTED TO KEEP OUR FAMILY WHOLE, BUT EVERYTIME THAT U MAKE ME A PROMISE U BREAK IT AND EVERYONE ASKS ME HOW CAN U BE IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE THATS NOT IN LOVE WITH U AND I DONT KNOW HOW TO ANSWER THEM I WANT TO SPEND ETERNITY WITH YOU, BUT IM TIRED OF HURTING AND TIRED OF CRYING AND TIRED OF WONDERING WHEN U WILL KEEP THE PROMISES U MAKE IM TORN AND IT HURTS I WANT TO LOVE U AS MUCH AS I DO I WANT TO BE WITH U FOR ETERNITY, BUT IM TIRED OF HURTING AND CRYING WHEN U SAY U LOVE ME IM STUPID ENOUGH THAT I BELIEVE U THAN WHEN I GO TO DO SOMETHING SPECIAL JUST FOR U I FIND THE TRUTH AND IT CUTS AWAY AT MY INSIDES I WOULD SHED MY BLOOD FOR U AND I WOULD DIE FOR U BUT U WONT GIVE ME UR ALL AND U REFUSE TO KEEP UR PROMISES TO ME SO I GUESS I SHOULD ASK DO U WANT US TO LAST DO U WANT TO BE WITH ME DO U TRUELY LOVE ME THE WAY U SAY U DO IF U DO PLZ QUIT DESTROYING ME AND SHOW ME U WANT TO BE WITH ME AND THAT U DO CHERISH ME BECAUSE IF U DONT EVENTUALLY I WILL BE GONE RATHER BY DEATH OR DISAPPEARANCE

HEY MOM, WHATS UP? WHATS SHANGRI-LA LIKE? IS IT REALLY AS BEAUTIFUL AS PEOPLE SAY? WELL, IM WRITING YOU TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I STILL LOVE YOU I KNOW IT'S BEEN TWO YEARS AND I SHOULD BE OVER IT BUT MOM IM STILL HOLDING ON I REMEMBER WHEN I FIRST MET YOU I WAS 7 YEARS OLD AND MY DAD INTRODUCED US AND TOLD ME YOU WERE HIS GIRLFRIEND I REMEMBER THE EGG DONOR WAS TREATIN ME LIKE SHIT AND YOU STEPPED UP AND BECAME A MOM WE MET IN THE SUMMER OF '93 AND WE HIT IT OFF FROM THE START IN '95 WHEN WE WENT TO PICK OUT A WEDDING DRESS I FIRST CALLED U MOM AND U WERE SO HAPPY U HAD TEARS OF JOY IN UR EYES WHEN U MARRIED MY DAD AT FIRST I REBELLED CUZ I WAS TOLD U WERE TAKIN HIM FROM ME AND I WAS PISSED THEN WHEN I TURNED 11 U BECAME MY BEST FRIEND WE WERE SO CLOSE I COULD TELL U ANYTHING U TOOK ME OUTTA THE DEVIL WORSHIP HOUSE FOR GOOD WHEN I WAS 16 MOM U SAVED ME FROM ABUSE AND NEGLECT AND SUICIDE MOM I LOVE U SO MUCH AND THAN WHEN I WAS 17 ABOUT TO TURN 18 U WERE IN THE HOSPITAL ONLY SHORTLY TO DIE ON FEBRUARY 20,2004, 1 DAY AFTER THE MARK OF 4 MTHS TILL MY 18TH BDAY MAN I WANTED U TO SEE ME GO TO PROM AND GRADUATE AND SEND ME OFF TO COLLEGE MOM DID I CAUSE UR HEART ATTACKS AM I THE REASON U ARE IN HEAVEN AND NOT WITH ME I KNOW I WAS HELL ON WHEELS BUT I DIDNT WANNA LOSE U IM SRY FOR ALL THE PAIN AND AGONY I PUT U THRU WISH I COULD MAKE IT UP TO U NOW ALL I CAN DO IS TALK TO U THRU THIS PEN AND THIOS PAPER MOM I MISS U AND WISH I COULD HAVE ONE MORE DAY WITH U WILL I SEE U AGAIN SOME DAY I HOPE SO THATS WHY IVE MATURED AND I GO TO CHURCH AND TRY TO LIVE RIGHT ITS HARD TO DO THIS ON MY OWN MOM DADS BACK IN MY LIFE NOW IM DOING WHAT U ASKED I GRADUATED IN 04 AND IM IN COLLEGE FOLLOWING UR DREAM TO BE A NURSE I LOVE U AND I MISS U I HOPE THAT U COME AND SEE ME AS THE GRANDMA IN 7TH HEAVEN DID THE OLDEST GIRL MOM I HOPE U SEE THAT I AM THE PROUD MOMMY NOW THAT U ONCE WERE I LOVE AND MISS U WELL I CAN SAY THAT I AM TRYING TO MAKE U PROUD OF ME WELL I WILL WRITE MORE LATER MOMMY HOPE TO HEAR FROM U SOON LOVE, YOUR BABY GIRL, SARAH JEAN

I LOST MY FLESH AND BLOOD THAN I THOUGHT MY WORLD WAS DOOMED A FEW MONTHS LATER I FOUND HAPPINESS NOW I HAVE 2 AND A WONDERFUL MAN YES I STILL MISS MY FIRST BUT THE 2 I HAVE KEEP ME GOING I WAS TO THE POINT I WAS GONNA GIVE UP THAN GOD GRANTED ME A REASON TO LIVE MY CHILDREN NEED ME MORE THAN ANYTHING YET IT HURTS THAT THE ONE I NEED ISNT HERE I HAVE TO GO ON AND BE STRONG I DONT WANT MY KIDS TO BE SAD SO I KEEP GOING WITH JOSH BY MY SIDE ILL TRUDGE THROUGH MUDDY WATERS ILL CLIMB THE TALLEST MOUNTAINS ILL SWIM THE OCEANS I KNOW NOW THAT I HAVE A SECOND CHANCE I HAVE 2 CHILDREN TO RAISE UP RIGHT I HAVE TO SET AN EXAMPLE AND STAY POSITIVE FOR IF I GIVE UP SO DO THEY I DONT WANT MY CHILDREN TO LOSE OUTON LIFE I WILL TEACH THEM EVERYTHING THERE IS TO KNOW ABOUT BEING A FEMALE I LOVE MY CHILDREN VERY MUCH SO I THANK GOD FOR SECOND CHANCES

IT HURTS ME TO REMEMBER THE PAST I WISH IT WOULD GO AWAY SO I CANT LOOK BACK THINGS, THEY CHANGED WAY TO FAST WHAT WAS SUPPOSE TO BE LOVE FADED SO QUICK I WONDER HOW YOU FEEL DOES IT EVER HURT YOU TOOK AWAY SOMETHING MORE PRECIOUS THAN LIFE HOW COULD YOU DESTROY A FAMILY THAT MEANT SO MUCH DO YOU LAUGH AT NIGHT OR DOES IT HURT I KNOW FOR ME IM DYING INSIDE YOU MADE AN INNOCENT CHILD GO THROUGH HELL YOU WERE SUPPOSE TO BE A FATHER AS IF U CARED I CRY AT NIGHT WHEN I SIT BACK AND THINK I WONDER TO MYSELF HOW YOU COULD BE SO INSANE I LIVED THROUGH YOUR LIES AND THE BETRAYAL YOU TOLD ME YOU LOVED ME AND WOULD NEVER HURT ME NOW I WONDER INSIDE WHY DID I WASTE MY TIME YOU TOOK AWAY EVERYTHING THAT I ONCE LOVED YOU SLEPT WITH MY AUNT AND HAD MY DAUGHTER TAKEN WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU I MEAN WHEN WE FIRST STARTED OUT LIFE WAS GREAT HOW COULD YOU CHANGE SO FAST I BLAME MYSELF FOR FALLING FOR YOU BUT DAMN WHY DID YOU DO DRUGS AND RUIN HER LIFE SHES AN INNOCENT CHILD SHE DIDNT DESERVE THIS AT ALL I HOPE WHEN SHE GETS OLD ENOUGH SHE WILL FIND ME IM NOT GOING TO INTERFERE AND CONFUSE HER MORE SEE WHAT YOU HAVE DONE YOU JUST HAD TO CONTINUE WHY DIDNT YOU STOP IF YOU DIDNT LOVE ME WHY DIDNT YOU SAY SO YOU ARE SUCH A SELF CENTERED BASTARD I WISH YOUD DIE YOU TOOK ME AWAY FROM MY FAMILY ONLY TO HURT ME YOU WILL GET YOURS ON JUDGEMENT DAY I JUST WISH THAT YOU LIVE WITH THE PAIN AND AGONY I DONT GO A DAY WITHOUT THINKING ABOUT HER I COULD FUCKING KILL YOU BUT WHAT WOULD THAT DO MY FAMILY WOULD GO THROUGH HELL WITHOUT ME HOW I WISH A SEMI WOULD HIT YOU