brokenlilangel's blog: "Poems"

This isn't my smile these words cant be erased Ive been lost for a while i just want to be replaced I'm sick of being someone I'm not and i miss who i used to be These tears are all i got its becoming all i see My laughter is gone all my smiles are fake This has gone on so long its time for a break I remind myself to be okay that this will all end in time But this feeling never goes away and I've over used "I'm fine" Ill keep pretending I'm alright keep blinking these tears away All i can do is fight and hope someday ill be okay

I'm sorry you missed out when I went to school for the 1st time, And you didn't have me tell you that you were all mine, I'm sorry you weren't there to take me to the mall, And you weren't there to tell me I have to stand tall, Sorry you weren't the one I saw when I came out of my play, Or the one I'd run to when I had a bad day, I'm sorry you didn't hear me sing, you'd have been so proud, And you weren't there to lift me up on a cloud, Sorry you weren't there to tell me there's nothing to fear, But then again you should have been here, I'm sorry you weren't the one to teach me to ride a bike, Or the one who took me on my first hike, I'm sorry you weren't the one who carried me on his back, Or the one who held me tight when strength is what I lacked, I'm sorry you weren't the one to hold me when I cried, Or tell me I did great when I really tried, I'm sorry you were never there to teach me how to cook, Or there at night to read me my favorite book, I'm sorry me as a daughter is what you never had, You will always be my father, but you will never be my dad.

I'm reading your letter over and over, Staring at the words aimlessly, Trying to get some meaning out of it. Thoughts of you enter my mind, Wondering how you could let this go, How you could give up on me so easily. I don't even recognize these words to be yours, So kind and warm, But when I look at you, Your so distant, so far away. I've tried so hard to keep holding on, To not let this go, But it hurts too much. I'm so sick of thinking of you, And forgiving you everytime, This time it's cut too deep. What happened to us? When did the talks and laughs Turn into awkward silences? And now I'm thinking of all the things I never said, The things I meant to say, But now, everything's gone. Everything's all messed up. I'm reading your letter, And I finally realized, That I only saw who I wanted you to be, Not who you really are. "You can always talk to me, But I'm not a mind reader." That's what you always tell me. I've never been able to tell you what I want you to know, And I may lose you when I say this, So here it is; You're killing me.

As he turned to leave, he caught a glimpse of her sleeve. "Why do you do this to yourself? Can't you see all of your wealth?" "I'm sorry but you see, life is too hard for me. I have to do it, I can't stop, If I don't I think I might pop!" Now she is sobbing and her wrist is throbbing as the blood runs down her hand, she reaches for a pen. She writes a little note then tries to slit her own throat. He left her cause she couldn't stop and now it's time for her final thought. He comes back to say he's sorry but all he finds is her torn body. He reads the note she left for him, as he reads it his face turns grim. The note says, "Baby, I'm sorry, I never meant to hurt you, by the time you read this my life will be through. I will be waiting for you on the other side, But go on and live your life now with pride." "Don't worry about me, I'm better off don't you see. It's time for me to, I will love you forever, Always remember the time we had together." Now he is sobbing, and his wrist is throbbing. As the blood runs down his hand he reaches for a pen, as she did. He writes a little note, then slits his own throat. She left him cause she couldn't stop, now it's time for his final thought. When someone found them both dead, they saw they died hand in hand. They found the note that they both left, and this is what the final note said, "My girlfriend took her life into her own hands, and we both wound up dead. We loved each other with all that we had, even though out story is sad." "I begged and begged her to stop, but she said that she would pop. I loved that girl with all of my heart, so I had to do my part." "I had to join her on the other side, instead of living my life with pride. My life meant nothing if I didn't have her, in the end we had to be together." This is what happens when, you don't let people all the way in. You must let people into your heart, you must learn to love even if you don't want to get hurt.

I can't believe I fell for you You were just another fake You took my heart away from me Now my life I must take Sitting here, the blade in my hand Memories rush to my mind Remembering how happy I once was I cut my wrist one more time As I lay here dying Your voice echos in my head So I pop a few more pills Hoping I'll forget what you said You told me I was your everything That I was the only one But now things have changed And what we had is done I feel myself growing weaker As the time passes by Knowing my life is near it's end A tear drops from my eye It's all over now I'm done with this fight So I kiss your picture one last time And say my final"GOODNIGHT"

I am sorry I have been bringing you down. I just want you to know that the words of hate mean nothing. I have been depending on you for far to much. You shouldn't have to protect me anymore. Why should you have to stay here with me? I have kept you here long enough in this world of my own. I shouldn't be expecting you to help me through forever. I am sorry that I have been so selfish and have been thinking of nobody but myself. For I have to learn to grow up on my own. Because lessons of unfairness shouldn't have to be shared. I do not expect to be forgiven, because I myself have not done so. I have a sinking feeling inside of me telling me that I was wrong. I am guilty of everything, and things I have yet to confess. But it is just a sign of my pathetic selfishness.

Baby girl you've fallen so hard, All your lack of trust and belief. I don't know how to pull you above the surface again, So you can finally breathe. I feel like I've betrayed you, Pushed you under the waves. But now I promise I'll save you... Reach out and you'll be okay. Sweetie you're so beautiful, I can't put your smile into words. Your laughter is unforgettable, And your tears chill me to the core.. Baby girl don't throw your soul away, Don't flush your heart down the toilet drain. Oh I promise you'll be thinner, For a few sacred days... But this sin will grow bigger, and so will your pain. Don't let their words pierce you, Or their looks leave a mark. Hold your chin up high, pretty girl Even angels had to learn to fly...

I remember the hands that hit me so well I remember the belt that made my back swell I remember the anger that look in your eyes I remember the pain that made me want to die I remember the black marks that you left for me I remember have to cover them so nobody else would see I remember that day that I put up a fight I remember the cops coming to our house that night I remember them taking me away and all the things they said I remember every memory That ran through my head I remember the place that they took me to I remember the days I spent crying because of you I remember being alone and not wanting to breathe I remember you and being there was a relief I remember when I came back and being alone It was nothing out of the ordinary I was right back at home...

I'll learn to disappear, so you can be happy. I'll learn to hide my feelings, so you can have your cake & eat it too. I'll learn to walk by you without a word, so I can fade into the distance. I'll learn to forget you, because I've already been forgotten too. I'll learn to pretend I don't know you, because sometimes you already do. I'll learn to be gone with the wind, so I can be out of your sight, & let you live your happy life. I'll learn to forget about my hearts lonely call, & pray you're happy. I'll learn to ignore my head telling me I'm stupid for leaving, & I know you'll be happy without me. I'll learn to deal with the fact you already found the one, but I can't be taught this over night. So, I'll learn to cope with heartbreak, but this time, I can't fake a smile....

I can take a physical hit, I've been abused like that before, But your words are what I can't take... That's what's bringing me to the floor. Your words really hit my heart, And they are making me bleed. This kind of love your showing me, Is definitely not what I need. I don't really understand it, So tell me; what did I do!? What did I do to deserve all this? I've only tried to be the best for you. I feel like a verbal punching bag, That you use when you're upset. But I can feel pain just like you, Please...just don't forget. I know I'm not the thinnest girl, And I'm not beautiful at all, So can you stop making me aware of that? You're words are causing me to fall. Even the simplest little words, Can break a person down so bad. And even though I love you with all my heart, You have a way of making me sad.