SEXY BYTCH 69 OF THUGS's blog: "OMG TO FUCKIN FUNNY"

To My Dearest Wife, During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often: We will wake the kids - 54 times It's too late - 15 times I'm too tired - 42 times It's too early - 12 times It's too hot - 18 times Pretending to be asleep - 31 times The neighbors will hear - 9 times Headache or backache - 26 times Sunburn - 10 times Your mother will hear us - 9 times Not in the mood - 21 times Watching the late show - 17 times Too sore - 26 times New hairdo - 6 times Wrong time of the month - 14 times You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we?? Love, Your Hubby

THE MAIL A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his attractive blond female neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house. A little later she came out of her house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went. As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever. Puzzled by her actions the man asked her, "Is something wrong?" To which she replied, "There certainly is!" (are you ready? ... this is a beauty ...) My stupid computer keeps saying, "YOU'VE GOT MAIL."

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9-year old son comes home unexpectedly , sees them and hides in the bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts her lover in the closet , not realizing that the little boy is in there already. The little boy says , "Dark in here." The man says , "Yes , it is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy it?" Man - "No , thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK , how much?" Boy - "$150" Man - "Sold." In the next few weeks , it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes , it is." Boy - "I have a Wilson infielder's glove." The lover , remembering the last time , asks the boy , "How much?" Boy - "$350" Man - "Highway robbery. Sold." A few days later , the father says to the boy , "Grab your gloves , let's go outside and have a game of catch." The boy says , "I can't , I sold my ball and my glove." The father asks , "How much did you sell them for?" The boy says , "$500" The father says , "That's terrible to overcharge your friends like that... that is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your greed." They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door. The boy says , "Dark in here." The priest says , "Don't start that shit again , you're in my closet now.

Dear Wife: I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good man to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw. Last week, you came home and didn't even notice that I had gotten a new hair cut, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new pair of silk boxers. You came home and ate in two minutes and went straight to bed after watching all of your soaps. You don't tell me you love me anymore. You don't want sex anymore, either you're cheating on me or you don't love me anymore, what ever the cause I'm gone. Your Ex-husband P.S. Don't try to find me. Your sister and I are moving away to West Virginia together. Have a great life. ............................................................................................................................. Dear Ex-Husband: Nothing has made my day more pleasant than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good man is a far cry from what you've been. I watch my soaps so much because they drown out your constant whining and gripping. I did notice your hair cut last week. The first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a girl!". But my Mother raised me not to say anything if you can't say something nice. And when you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with my sister because I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I turned away from you when you had those new silk boxers on because the price tag was still on them. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my sister had borrowed $50.00 from me that morning and your silk boxers were $49.99. After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought two tickets to Jamaica . But when I got home you were gone. Every thing happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care. Signed: Rich as Hell and Free P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carla, my sister, was born Carl... I hope that is not a problem.