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HarleyQuinn's blog: "normal stuff"

created on 10/30/2007  |  http://fubar.com/normal-stuff/b148226

Dear Sean

October 31, 2007 7:30 am Sean, Words cannot explain how I am feeling right now. I’m sorry that you think you can’t trust me and for that I feel like shit. To be honest when I said yay about that guy saying I was pretty I was trying to be sarcastic, but that’s kind of hard to do on the computer. I never meant to make it sound like all I want is attention because that is SO far from the truth. All I want, all I’ve ever wanted from the start was someone who liked me for who I was and not how I looked. And maybe someone who would even care about me. I have thought that maybe I had found that person so many times, but I guess I’m just not meant to be happy. Whenever I’m with you or I’m talking to you I’m always so happy that it’s hard to explain. Sean, I really, really like you and I don’t want to lose you over something so stupid and insignificant. You’re the only guy that I want to see and be with. It hasn’t even been a full day and I feel as if I’m spiraling into a black hole that is nothing but depression. I miss you already but my mind is telling me not to for the fear that I will fuck things up even more. I couldn’t even sleep last night because I knew you were mad or upset with me. It’s kind of hard to tell when you won’t talk to me, but I understand why you are mad or upset. I screwed up and I screwed up bad. But if you never forgive me that is understandable (I guess) but if you never speak to me again I don’t know what to think. I know that you have been hurt in the past, and so have I. The last thing I would ever want to do to you is hurt you. But I’m afraid I already did that. It was never my intention to do anything to hurt you. You are such a sweet guy and you deserve to be treated so much better. And I would do anything just to earn your trust back. You don’t understand how different I have actually been since I actually started talking to you. I’ve been happy all the time and I smile so much that my face hurts sometimes. I miss that so much and it hasn’t even been that long since we last spoke. You helped me through something that I didn’t have the strength to do on my own and you were always there if I needed someone to talk to. I don’t want to lose all of that. You have been the only guy to help me through all this bad shit even though you didn’t know me that well. I know I messed you and I’m beating myself up inside. Please all I ask is for you to forgive me. Just talk to me or something. I can’t believe I messed up so bad. I couldn’t even sleep because I was crying so much because I know I fucked everything up. I’m not trying to talk down about myself but that is the way I see it. And I want for you to be able to see this as I do. I’m sorry if I have just wasted your time but I needed to get this out of me. I’m going to try to stop crying over all this and actually get some work done. I’m not trying to guilt trip you either. I just really like you and I can’t believe that something like this is going to end that. ♥ always, Liz B

My Plea

Everything is so messed up, I don’t really know what to say, I miss him so much, and I guess that is how it’s gonna stay. Yes I messed up, it’s all my fault, I’ve tried to fix things, but you have your doubts. You don’t believe me, You said that I lied, Now I’m beating myself up, and really crying every night. I want to go back, make everything good, but you just wont listen, I don’t think you understood. So what am I supposed to do, I really, really love you, You helped me when i needed it, and now I really need you. Please baby forgive me, Please make everything okay, This depression is killing me, I don’t want it to stay. I want you to come back, Relieve me from this pain, I can’t do this without you, Nothing is the same. This is my plea, I’m sick of the hurt, Please take me back, ‘Cuz now I feel like dirt.

I messed up

Yep thats right I fucked up once agian.... you would think I would just give up by now..... but I actually like him and of course I make yet another mistake He's the first guy to actually make me smile in SO long that I had forgotten how to be happy.... and thankful for what I have.... He probably hates my guts now and I can't even stand to think of that.... It's pretty bad when I cry because I fucked up something that seemed to be so good... but I'm the one who messed shit up so I guess I just need to deal with it..... but I don't want to lose him because of this
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