Buttercup's blog: "My thoughts."

My neice's mother in law died today. Her husband lost his father about 3 years ago and has a brother with a mental disability. They don't have much to do with their family, because the brothers were mistreated by other family members when mom gained alot of weight and her husband divorced her. I get a call at 5 am. I can barely understand my neice. She said they got a call at 4 am saying that Jason's mom was having chest pains. They met Jason's brother at the hospital. They were able to talk to her etc. The doctors took her upstairs for some rountine test. The doctors came back to ask Jason where do you want to send the body. She died of a massive heart attack. Needless to say, it has been a crazy morning. I have let them cry and yell. I have done the routine stuff today. I did the calling to tell people that she passed away and watched out for Jason's brother. Please keep them in your prayers.

Today has been weird. My neice's wedding reception is saturday. I am excited and happy for her. So my neice is a newly wed. :) My sisters and mom went shopping today. They went shopping for clothes etc. They bought me three black dresses. In their words, it will make you look slim. lol I thought getting diet pills as a birthday present was funny now this. lol I hold my head high and laugh, but I must admit that its bothering me. I oncewas called beautiful by my family. Now I am a work in progress lol I love my family....just wish they could see things my way. I don't wanna spend hours in the gym a day. lol just me venting lol

Lovely compliments and feeling amazingly examined. Gee thanks. I guess I finally know what some people close to me think of me now. They loved the old me. The one that was skinny and "beautiful". The one who men thought was drop dead sexy. But I was just a girl with an eating disorderand lots of pain lol So today....I am the overweight girl who needs work. Oh well....life moves on..i am not beautiful or thin but damn it i am smart, independent and I love to laugh. just venting

Lovely compliments and feeling amazingly examined. Gee thanks. I guess I finally know what some people close to me think of me now. They loved the old me. The one that was skinny and "beautiful". The one who men thought was drop dead sexy. But I was just a girl with an eating disorderand lots of pain lol So today....I am the overweight girl who needs work. Oh well....life moves on..i am not beautiful or thin but damn it i am smart, independent and I love to laugh. just venting

I made it through the anniversary of my Dad's death. I must say that it went better than I first thought. I worked that morning then off to my nephew's game. My nephew played a great game saturday. I couldn't have been prouder. :) Afterwards, I went to see Fantastic Four. I must say that I did what I do best. I kept my happy face on and did what I could to keep my family laughing. My mom of course thinks I look alot like my dad. Sometimes on days like this, I get more hugs than usual etc. We had a great day and were able to talk about my dad. Laugh. Only one complaint.....my mom and sister put flowers on my dad's grave friday only to find it moved to another grave Sunday. Come on seriously...why steal flowers from a grave....geez...go to the dollar store or wal-mart and get your own.

I made it through the anniversary of my Dad's death. I must say that it went better than I first thought. I worked that morning then off to my nephew's game. My nephew played a great game saturday. I couldn't have been prouder. :) Afterwards, I went to see Fantastic Four. I must say that I did what I do best. I kept my happy face on and did what I could to keep my family laughing. My mom of course thinks I look alot like my dad. Sometimes on days like this, I get more hugs than usual etc. We had a great day and were able to talk about my dad. Laugh. Only one complaint.....my mom and sister put flowers on my dad's grave friday only to find it moved to another grave Sunday. Come on seriously...why steal flowers from a grave....geez...go to the dollar store or wal-mart and get your own.

Beautiful....don't really understand the meaning of this word? Someday I hope to. Hope....I have so many wishes. I aim to the sky. I make the dean's list. I am smart they claim....but I wanna work as a special needs teacher....not good enough? geez I love it!! My body...I am so sick of you remember when you were pretty...geez....One word of advice...NEVER say this to a person who once had an eating disorder. lol I miss....my dad. I just realized a few days ago that Sunday is Father's Day. I miss him. He will be gone a total of 9 years this weekend. I can't bring myself to go to his grave. Then there is Sam ...my best friend through high school. He got me. I miss him. He knew me best. I couldn't have asked for anything more precious to have passed through my life. I wish he could call and say Lulu hang in there. It's called life and no one is a pro at it Irony? My dad died on his 19th bday. He died in July. He would have made a great husband, father, but I guess God had other plans. I am tough and strong...but I am so in need of something. Someone once told me if you don't get on your knees and pray....God will drive you to them..... I am there. I am almost debt free, have a new job that I love yet there is something i want...to personal for here. Keep me in your prayers please. Thanks and God bless, Shelly

Today one of the most beautiful women I know died. She always called me her Lula Bell. She made my first birthday cake and dressed me up every Halloween. She truly treated me like her daughter growing up. She made me smile always and made a point to always call me beautiful. She was the person who shaved the rest of my hair off for surgery and the one who taught me to make mints. Her son and I were like two peas in a pod. She was the lady who put me in vinegar when I had a bad sunburn. She was a mother to me growing up. She always introduced me as her daughter. The last time I saw her was 2 years ago since she moved away. Today I get a call telling me she is gone. She died of a heart attack at the age of 58 years old. I will miss her greatly. Tears escape my eyes as I write. Please say a prayer for her two sons, husband, and four grandchildren. Thanks Lula Bell

Please vote for Ashley!! She always makes me smile and she is the little sister that I have always wanted. Ashley is smart, beautiful, and kind. Thanks for the love!!!! xoxooxo Shelly

I want to wish everyone a Happy Easter. May God bless all of you.