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When life veers off path we have to make choices that will either make us or break us and in the long run we will never know if that other choice was the right or wrong one. We learn from our mistakes along the way and then we can try again if those choices arise again. Life has many paths and it isn't always the right one but we have to use our better judgement and see where it will take us. There will always be those what-if questions in the back of our minds nagging at us. Sometimes the choices we make reflect on others around us and thats when you have to sit there and give it more thought than any other choice because you need to make sure you are happy first but in most cases you have to considers others feelings too. I've learned to many times that I can't make everyone happy unless I want to end up the unhappy one in the end. I wish I could take back some of the stuff that has transpired but I know in the long run I won't truly know if it will make a difference or not. I have tried considering everyones feelings in everything I do and it isn't easy at all. I wish that people could be happy for the decisions I make now when it comes to me truly being happy but I know that I have hurt some people I never have wanted to and for that I am truly and utterly sorry. I just hope when all is said and done that they will know i am truly happy now and if not they can tell me I told you so.... lol. I know some of my decisions of late have been questionable by some but I believe it was in my best interests and my happiness. I hope all my friends understand this. You guys mean the world to me and I am very thankful for you all being a part of my life. I love you guys.
On my way from Oregon to West Virginia I learned a very good lesson that I will never forget.
When I left Oregon to head to Bills house in West Virginia I was a different person in a way. I used to think everything bad was happening to me. I kept to myself and was afraid to even talk to anyone. Online I'm different because I can't see who I am talking to so it don't scare me but in real life I clam up and go into a shell in a sense. Anyways, I was on the bus and so many people tried talking to me and I just sat there and kept my head down. It took this one girl named Marley to finally get me to talk... by that time I was in Utah. She was very persistent but she was one of the nicest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. She and these two other guys, one named Thomas and the other named Tim, sat there and got me to finally open up by just being themselves. They weren't afraid to act like smart asses or make fun of themselves which was a change for me. I used to be afraid of what people would think of me so I clam up and always go quiet, but once I saw that I started enjoying being myself again and I didn't care what people would say about me. it was sad when we parted ways in Kansas city, MO.
When I reached St. Louis, MO I thought it went back to normal because greyhound lost one of my bags. So I started clamming up again and kept that way until Columbus, OH. I found out when I got there my bus wasnt leaving out on its scheduled route until 2 days from then, so I started getting worse. I ended up sitting by myself for a while until this older guy named Steve came over and sat with me. He told me about his life and I realized my life sure in the hell wasn't half as bad as his had been. Everyone has problems in life and you have to see the good side of things instead of focusing on all the bad stuff.
When I was sitting there watching people coming and going though there was this one girl that kept her head down and kept crying and jumpin when people walked by. So I did something I don't normally do, I got up and went and started talking to her. At first she didn't want to talk then she just opened up and she reminded me of myself when i was younger. So I did the only thing I could think of and helped her. I helped her call her mom and got her some food and gave her some advice. She had a very bad experience on the bus with a guy so I comforted her. She had never been away from her family and was lost in a sense. I stayed with her until I made sure she was ok and Bill got there. I gave her some of my stuff before I left.
I don't usually do that but I figure everyone needs someone at one point of time in their life and I am glad I was the one that was there for her in her time of need. So my lesson was made all through my trip and it was the best experience of my life.
Well for starters.... I am very happy now and no one will change that. People think that if they say certain things that I will change my mind or feelings about stuff or people. I do what I want and believe what I want. Yes you guys do say some persuasive things but I have the final decision about the way I feel about it. I believe everyone has their own opinions on everything and that is the way it should be. I have finally found what I have been looking for in life. Yes it took me quite a while but I think in the long run it was well worth the wait. I have learned a lot along the way. Some stuff good some stuff bad. Some things I have done I do regret but I know I learned from my mistakes. Everyone needs to have a good outlook on life instead of it always being a downer. I used to be one of those types of people that thought anything and everything bad that could happen was happening to them. Well I turned that around finally because I found a good outlet for my feelings instead of repressing them constantly. I know I have caused a lot of grief for certain people and I am sorry but I want to thank you guys for sticking by me through it all. You know who you are, and I will always be here for you until the end of time.
