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325660's blog: "MY THOUGHTS"

created on 11/04/2006  |  http://fubar.com/my-thoughts/b21121

Skeleton In The Closet

Skeleton in the closet noun 1. A shameful or slanderous fact concerning oneself or one's family that one tries to keep secret. I suppose we all have skeletons in the closet. Secrets about ourselves that no one knows, not even our closest friend. Shameful things that we have done or have been done to us, things we keep hidden away, trying to forget they ever happened. For some it may be ugly things that happened to them as a child, for others it may be cruelty and abuse suffered in a relationship, or for others an assault that occurred recently. For someone it may be all of the above. How long can we keep those skeletons hidden away? Though we try to ignore them, they take on a life of their own, growing, affecting every area of our lives. Perhaps we’ve had to move our skeletons into a storage locker or even a warehouse already. Do we dare open the door and expose the skeletons? Pull them out into the open, for all the world to see? Do we dare expose ourselves to the pain all over again? A scary proposition. A friend of mine is married to a wonderful woman and has 4 gorgeous children. He has a career he loves, a comfortable home, a great circle of friends. He also has a dark secret. Struggling to keep that secret has hurt his marriage, affected his ability to be a good father, given him a reputation of being a control freak at work. Recently he found the courage to open the door a crack and share with his wife that a family friend had repeatedly raped him as a young boy. Though he had feared rejection, his wife embraced him. She was so grateful that he finally trusted her enough to expose what had been impeding true and total intimacy in their marriage. With his wife’s help, he has found the courage to open the closet door completely and it has transformed his life. He is truly an inspiration to those who know him and love him. Now where did I put that key?

Too Close For Comfort

How close is too close? Each one of us has a different answer to that question, depending on our personalities and life experiences. We all put up fences to protect ourselves from being hurt or taken advantage of. But whether that fence has a swinging gate or is topped with barbed wire depends on the individual’s ability to trust. Trust comes easy for some people, was learned at a young age from loving parents. They learned how to love and be loved. People are welcome to participate in their lives. They have the ability hold someone and feel totally comfortable in that embrace. Self-confidence and inner-strength exude from every pore. It may be a different story for another. Being an unwanted child, unloved or abused can greatly affect one’s ability to love and trust. The need for self-preservation causes high fences to be built and gates to be locked. Learning to trust anyone is a difficult process. Finding the courage to step outside the gate takes hard work and time. It is important not to judge a person’s worthiness of being loved based on the height of their fence or the thickness of their gate. These things don’t represent their true value as person but rather are just stumbling bocks to be overcome. Often great treasures are to be found and enjoyed just within the gates.
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