DB's blog: "My Thoughts As Of Now"

Le Debut

Last minutes ticking off the clock

a new dawn awaits

slowly drifting off to sleep 

want to dream, my mind negates 

every happy memory now

a fatal fuse, disgrace

once a purpose, solemn vows

screams its empty grace

where do we go from here

what have i become

an empty shell, a hollow breath

speak of alien tongues

inner self reflection

rejects this mirror being

awful gazes haunting me

as they conjure my deflections

of whos to blame for all of this

am i the catalyst of this destruction

of the facade i continue to perpetrate

in attempt to elude construction

moving on from neverland

hurts most when death accuse you

of all the battles lost to timeand gravity refuse you

shoulders bearing dreadful things

thoughts you cant refrain

submerging you under 'mares and dreams

of a life wishes obtain

but amongst the miles of barren land

flowers bloom under the mayhem

those seeds planted in the fallout

brings life to my devastation.

My honest feelings as of now vary. On one front I feel completely overwhelmed, captivated, encapsulated by life itself. But life has created a sense of vertigo, I am unsure which side is up, which side is down, because one moment I am on the top of the mountain, then the next I am one with the jagged rocks below. Torn to pieces, ripped apart by the waves that crash up against me. For I am not meant to go this journey alone, but alas this my deepest fear. I want more, for my greatest ambition is to give into someone else's life, to be a part of them, to feel a warm embrace to graze a gentle face... instead i feel the cold, icy frost that grazes my face with tears streaming down my face. But the wounds are far behind me, no tattoo to cover, no ink to erase the memory of what has happened. 

I feel the pain tear at me with every lonely moment. Every passing second feeling THE ONE is out there and i am missing out. just wasting my time with being alone. 

I swear i can feel you

right beneathe my skin

i breathe you in

youre the air, you sustain me

Im high on you

im hooked on you

i fiend for you again

you flow through my viens

youre my quick fix baby

i hear your voice

its always in my head

i cant feel you 

but i feel you presence, your ever in me

im high on you

im hooked on you 

i fiend for you again

you flow through my veins 

youre my quick fix baby

i feel your touch

your fingers graze my lips

i love you are the words 

that i long to hear

im high on you 

im hooked on you

i fiend for you again

i just cant get enough of you

you make me see things i never knew

i cant get enough of your love

thats all i got for now

I FEAR WRITERS BLOCK 

LIKE I FEAR THE INEVITABLE THOUGHT OF BEING ALONE

CLOSED OFF FROM THIS DARK ROOM

AWAY FROM THE ANXIETY AND GLOOM 

OF THE SOCIETY AROUND ME THAT PUSHES AND SHOVES

THE THOUGHT OF THIS, AN UNFAILING LOVE

WHERE IS THE STING OF BITTER DISPUTE?

WHERE IS THE LOGIC IN FUTILE REFUTE?

AM I AS DUMB AS A BLIND LOVING MUTE?

OR AM I JUST PLAYING A RELENTLESSING FLUTE?

AM I JUST A BUM IN A WORLD FULL OF SHAME

WHERE MEN MAKE POINTS AND ANOTHER POINTS BLAME?

SWALLOWED WITHIN AND EXPLOITING REFRAIN

TO MAKE THEMSELVES BETTER THAN THE NEXT WHERES THE GAME?

AS A LIONESS STALKS ITS IGNORANT PREY

IN MY THOUGHTLESS ENDEAVOR, I DIE WHERE I LAY

AS MY HEART IS MISSING FROM MY CHEST, WHEN SHE CAME

SHE TORE IT ALL OUT AND LEFT ME, NO NAME

ALL I EVER WANTED WAS LOVE

ALL I EVER NEEDED WAS TO FEEL NOTHIN BUT

LIFE AND THE BITTER CHILL OF PAIN

WHERE THE MUSCLES TORE AND THE HEALING BE GAINED

WHERE IS THIS PHANTOM A WOMAN WITH NO FEAR?

WHERE IS THE WOMAN WHO WILL SCRATCH NOT MINE EAR?

SAVE ME FROM DEATH AND HEAL ME OR ELSE

ILL TURN TO BE LIKE THE OTHER MEN U KNOW WELL.

The warm air in my lungs

the cold breathe on my lips

it took me a long time but i finally admit

that a love lost now beats a life lost later

as i sit here waiting for my heart to play

catch up and my mind to remain under control

i patrol my emotions that get the notion

that maybe this could continue with great resolve

dont tell me its over because my heart says so

just leave and let me deal in the only way i know

was this pain more fierce or did the fire die

did the needle pierce the depth of your soul

or was your consious to numb to notice?

as my lungs lay deflated, gasping for breath

let not my heart give out let me tell you this

i will not repeat the mistakes that left me gasping for less

much less than the three words you used so careless

did it hurt, did it even sting, i hope a part of you dies

when i cross the threshold we once shared

dont you dare look back my heart reminds me

as a tear graces my cheek believe me i wont weaken

i will not fall or fail, crack under the pressure

to see your face again, to hear your lips move

will be the last thing my ears will need to hear

for i fear, nothing you can say will crack a smile.

the bells and whistles have faded, water and clever word

tainted the beauty and sweet sounds of a "love" based on lies

based on what you will see as convenience, my love based on

something i will never lay a finger on, lest i cut it off.