Angel Nymphetamine's blog: "My Rants and thoughts"

Right now as it sits, I'm completely fucked. If I kick Jessica out now, I run the risk of losing my best friend, Bruce. If I let her stay, I run the risk of becoming really really really ill. Her being here has stressed me out to the point where I'm running fevers and feeling nauseated. I'm getting seriously sick. I can't relax with her here. She's annoying beyond all hell. For those who knew what I was like in high school, with being annoying and immature, that's not even the tip of the iceberg with her. She is 10 times worse than I could have ever been. She's been here a month and during that time the only progress she has made is getting food stamps and downloading World of Warcraft so she can sit on her fat ass all day. She shows me zero respect and has treated my puppy like shit. She's gone as far as to cook food that I have bought, put all of it on one plate and share with Bruce, and not even offer any of it to me. Mind you, this is MY FUCKING HOUSE, and MY FUCKING FOOD. She goes through at least 2 packs of cigs a day and expects everyone to take care of her. She is lazy, fugly, whiny, immature, always talks in a fucking baby voice, looks like she's in her 40s, acts like she's 12, and is only 25! OMFG! She won't let Bruce take a shower alone at all. I'm surprised she even lets him take a shit in private! And she listens to the most annoying music that sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks on crack. I want her gone! Out of here so bad that I'm having trouble keeping calm around her. All I want to do is pack up her shit and throw it in the street! The only reason I haven't kick her fugly fat ass out yet is because I don't want Bruce to move out. She's been here over a month now and just yesterday she got a job. And of course, she has to be at the same place I'm working. (Oh, FYI, I got a new job 7 blocks from my house that pays way better than Taco John's does and I can walk there.) And what fucking sucks is I know she won't be able to do the work. It's consists of having to be on your feet all day, heavy lifting and working fast. And she'll have to do that for 12 hours. She can't even wash the fucking dishes without having to stop and take a break. She'll quit after the first week and then I'll never be fucking rid of her. She is the fucking roommate from HELL!!! I'm in a fucked if I do, fucked if I don't situation. I hate it. I wish I had told Compton that he could fucking keep her. Now that I have this job I won't need her around for the extra income. So as soon as she has the money, she's so out of here. I just hope that my body can handle the stress until then.

I came to a very basic conclusion today. One that I had been trying to convey yet hadn't found the right words for yet or the right example. It seems that 90% of the time, women are the ones in a relationship that do all the work of keeping it together and going, all the while, worrying about whether or not they are doing enough or the guy is as committed to the relationship as they are. Women stress about their relationships all the time. Wondering if he is going to screw them over or if they can be trusted. Most of the time, it's because they have found themselves in one relationship or another where the guy proved over and over again that he can't be trusted. This just causes the woman to become jaded and lose that hope that there is going to be someone who can be trusted. So when they finally do find that one guy they can trust, they go into a self-destruct mode. They keep seeing "monsters" where there is only windmills. (Please excuse the Don Quixote reference). But it's the truth. This is where the guy needs to step in and prove that he is committed to the relationship. I've noticed that women are always the ones to fight to keep the man they love and want. I've met maybe a handful of guys that will fight to keep the women they love. Since I started dating and began the process of truly falling in love with a guy, not one has fought to really keep me. If I wanted to end the relationship, it was over. But what I need, and what I'm sure other women out there need, is for someone to not sit by and let me pack my bags. I need someone that will keep me from leaving. I don't need an abuser but a real man to see that sometimes he needs to prove that he wants me. EVERYONE NEEDS TO BE OPEN AND HONEST IN A RELATIONSHIP FOR IT TO WORK! That doesn't mean some of the time or most of the time. It means, ALL THE TIME. Don't hide your past, exs or otherwise. Everything needs to be put out on the table in a relationship in order to have complete love and trust. When couples start keeping secrets from each other, trust is destroyed and it takes a long, painful time to earn that trust back. Most of this, I've learned the hard way. So this is what I've become to understand. I, myself, can never be in a relationship where I don't know everything about the person I'm with. I can't be with someone that isn't willing to fight to keep me, even if it means they have to fight with me. Fighting is good in some cases because it can make people realize just how much the other loves them and is willing to do to be with them. Plus, it can lead to really awesome make-up sex. Don't be afraid to say what you feel and don't be afraid to listen to what the one you love has to say. In the end, if it's meant to be, your relationship will survive and be better. But if it's not, then at least you have a better perspective on how to deal with the next person that comes along.

I just found out that my boyfriend has been cheating on me. He didn't come right out and say it. He had no plan to tell me at all. I found out from his fuck buddy's myspace page. I called him to ask about it and he confirmed that it was true. I guess the little girls that were "trying to get in his pants" while I was visiting him, had been there and done that. I feel so sick now. I'm removing him from my life. I think I'm going to go vomit now.