thumper's blog: "my political views"

What is that special something that makes a man want to know everything about you and makes him want to tell you how he feels over and over? What makes a man want to listen to what you have to say—even crave knowing how you feel or what you’re inner world is like?

A man falls in love with you because he knows he can be himself around you.

He falls in love with you because he feels safe expressing his innermost, private feelings with you. He knows that you can handle your feelings. He can sense that. And because he senses that at the most unconscious level, he starts to long for your company, for your touch, for your affection. He may not even know why he feels this way. All he knows is that there’s something special about you that he doesn’t feel with any other woman in his life. He wants to take you in his arms and keep you forever.

This is what happens to a man when he goes from feeling affection or admiration for you to feeling genuine love.

This is the “secret psychology” I mention in the title of this article.

I say it’s a secret because it’s little-understood by women (and men). It’s rare that either you or he will know exactly why he feels mesmerized by you and wants to get close to you and pursue you for something serious and long-lasting.

Many of us are wrong about why a man falls in love. We think a man needs sex, or has to have a fabulously gorgeous woman with a great body. We think a man falls for us because we’re sweet to him, and kind, and giving. Especially giving.

So we do things for him. We cook lovely meals and offer deep, thoughtful advice on whatever troubles him. We light candles whenever he comes over. We put on our sexiest clothes and buy lacey lingerie. We become exclusive with him without even a passing thought to what we want, or whether or not he has met our needs yet for a secure, loving and committed relationship.

We give our bodies, our souls, our minds to him.

And still he tells us that he’s not sure how he feels. Or he becomes distant and moody. Or he stops calling or asking us out as often as he used to. Or he does something very hurtful, or cheats on us, or tells us that he doesn’t believe you’re “meant” to be together.

This happens because deep down, you didn’t trigger love in his heart. You didn’t connect on the deepest, most intimate level—his feelings.

So, how do you connect with a man’s feelings? I’ll tell you briefly what DOESN’T connect to him.

When you tell a man about what you think about the relationship, or what you did that day, or what you think of the latest news you’ve read or the gossip at work, he listens. He participates in the conversation. But his feelings aren’t triggered.

You chatter on about your life, but leave out the one part that would drop you suddenly into intimacy. EMOTIONS.

You share everything but who you are.

You put up walls with him without even knowing you’re doing it. You decide not to tell him the sorrow you felt that morning about something. You omit telling him how the spring air made you feel alive and free when you went for a walk at lunchtime. Or, maybe you don’t even pay attention to your own emotions. You’re too busy with your to-do lists and tasks and with the chatter of everyone else around you in your life. You worry a lot. You make plans in your head for the next moment, the next day, or the weekend. But if you were to allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling, and then speak from those feelings, you would make him feel safe and connected to you.

It seems like such a simple thing. But for so many of us, it’s such a counter-intuitive thing. It’s difficult. We’re not used to being juicy, sexy, FEELING creatures. So many of us are programmed to be doing, thinking, managing and worrying all the time. These are qualities that make a man feel nothing around you. These are the qualities that make him think of you more like a “friend” than his lover.

When you become a feminine, juicy, sensual feeling creature, you become what I call a “siren” around a man. You magnetize him simply by being what you were always meant to be…an alluring woman who is soft on the outside, but strong and resilient on the outside.

That is the secret to what makes him fall for you.