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i wouldve loved to been able to play pro sports but my body is shot, i wouldve loved to be an actor but my memory is shot, i would love to be an inventor but i lack the follow through and the motivation to continue, i use to have enough confidence in myself i couldve been a trillionaire off of ebay but it was destroyed by a woman i fell in love with i had a social life but it ended when i slowed down my drinking in 2005 i would like to get myself back in shape but i dont have the drive and i run out of energy quickly i would like to be married and have a family i know i would get my exercise that way either i would be running around after the kids or running away from the wife because i said something stupid besides im no paul walker or tom cruise im 33 with high blood pressure with a body that feels like a 50 year old doc says if i dont get myself in check and healthier i might be dead in 2 to 3 years tops i know im stubborn but im stubborn in the wrong ways i know alot about psychology but yet i cant seem to use it on myself i know i need to start hanging around people but im not a people person unless i have a few drinks before hand i havent drank since 2007 i mostly stay in my room as if it was my cave i dont like light i like it dark i believe happiness is a curse prime example when some one dies people say that when something good happened that the person "was the happiest that they have been in their life" meaning when you fill your happy meter your screwed and you die most of the people i know i am physically old enough to be their father which sounds bad actuallty but i work in a restaurant (ihop) they mostly hire kids i dont have a clue why im ranting like this plus i cant write with a damn anyway im only working up to 3 hours a week and yes i have been looking for more employment time i know i ve ranted about the negative things but if ranted about the good things the page would be blank and know im not going to off my self im worth more alive than dead besides i die my mom loses her house and she would bring me back to life so that she could kill me which i would understand that
