skkyisis's blog: "my fucked up life"

i looked to these eyes and all i see is stone cold hatred. And then I realizes they are my mother and father eyes. Then I realizes the only one i ever truely care about doesnt care. But who needs family. Fuck you mother, and a big fuck you father, but to you my brother, the only person i truely care about in my family what you have done to me, turned your back on me when i needed you the most... i cant even tell you how much that hurt nor can i put into words the feelings i have towards you now. And so lets see if i can make it with no family and with a boyfriend who treats me like i dont exist. I'm emotionally on my own and lets see how strong i really am.

Not only do I still have anyone who wants to date me I have to run into everyone who i like having someone by there side. Which further my theory that I am only pretty enough to fuck but not pretty to date. Then on friday night after getting hit on but probably the hottest guy in the bar, I decide to get a ride with another guy, one i know a little better but I didnt know he was getting into it with this guy all night. So as we leaving the bounce who knows the guy my ride was getting into it with and know he has guns and willing to use them yet decide i'm not worth telling any of this too. So my ride asked if its ok if we stop at his own house and make sure the other guy doesnt do anything to it. So hes pissed walking up and down the street because he didnt want to break anything in his own house. So i am trying to calm him down and all of sudden the guy he get into with car coming down the street he pulls a U turn after passing us and pull out a guy and fire at the guy like missing him by like 12 inches and i was probably like 5 feet way and i walk up to car window because he still had it pointed at him but this time at his chest and i go in the way and said dude its not worth it please just go homeand pull it up pointing it at my head and then takes off. Then after calling the cops and going back inside i tried calming/comforting him and i dont know if its just what happened or want but we end up going in the other room, his bed room with his two friends out in the living room and start having sex. Well a few minutes goin by and one of his friends walks in the room and starts touching me and watching. Now i am pretty sure the guy i slept with doesnt know his friend touch me but knew and was kind of freaked out by him walking in and watching. Then i got off of him, completely feeling like a whore and said sorry thats such a turn off. Well his friend went to his car so he trys geting him back in and finally does. Then the guy i slept with starts picking on me and so we start to play wrestle so i have bruises everywhere. Now i look like a batter women and such. Then later he says something like first i get shot at then i have this crazy bitch or girl at my house and i dont know if he was serious or not but it kind of hurt. Then on saturday night at the bar the guy i have been liking for a while just was an asshole to me and said something along the lines that he wants to stay out of trouble but no i dont mean your trouble. I just feel like everyone looks at me and only see me as this whore pretty enough to fuck not date. Then my dog takes damn near chunk out of my lip and i have to go to the hospital and get 10 stitches. So i not saying i was pretty before but now i am fucking ugly. So whos going what to date me now or even take a second look. So this is my fucked up life.