redbackwolf's blog: "my first one"

I Am He I am he that cares too much and allows this world to penetrate. I am the man that loves too deeply, while others merely perpetrate. Do you see this man or the boy inside, with emotions to great and plentiful to hide? They've shorn my hair and crushed my pride. Taken my land and my wife from my side. A man of honour, whose spirit remains free with love to give, but finding none that need. So take the hand of a distant Crow child and with the Spirit of my fathers, the wolf will run wild. Gi-ga-ge-i-ga-so-hi-wa-ya

I do not write this to cause pain but to put down my feelings and hopefully help others to learn from my mistakes LOVING MOON The moon rises Creatures of the night scamper across the ground The Wolf following the Raven Her ever faithful companion His love for her Hers for him Forever loving in the moon The loving moon forever shines Upon two hearts that are oceans apart Even though the ocean is there It cannot stop this love But wither it did For mistakes and actions I made Through sheer ignorance I caused pain But still I’m forever her Wolf Travelling the journey of dreams The road of visions The Eagles feathers in the headdress Dancing around the fire Sitting in a smoke lodge Searching within I find the Wolf waiting Waiting for his Raven With spirits rising Helping Guiding To beginnings and endings Continually on the search for existence Yet through it all I see her I want to love her Love her as she deserves We can love like nothing ever loved before For I am forever her Wolf Forever will I howl into the darkness? And under the still Loving moon.

True Love 06/28/07 Is there any such thing as True Love or is just something that we are led to believe in becasue of fairy tales. Maybe I am just feeling a little worthless right now or maybe it is becasue iam feeling lonely or is it because iam losing my mind or is it becasue iam losing the belief that True Love does exist. In this world all I have ever wanted to be is someones knight in shining armour...someones Lancelot so to speak and to ride through and to beat back the dragons..to be someones protector nd yet to loveand to hold someone whilst they lay in my arms with both of us feeling secure in each others love. Is this wrong of me to think this way or is it that true love and these feelings that iam having a by-product of an age where nice guys really do finish last. If that is the case then there are goinmg to be a few lonely guys in this world for there are some of us who are genuine nice guys...you know the ones that will try to turn the wod around if you asked ..the one that will grasp the moon out of a pool of water just to please the loved one...its all down to the search of the one special person to share a life that is so full of love that nothing else seems to matter except the person with which you share that life with and that means if there are children involved yes they to are included in that love for to be with someone you haveto love them com[letly and honestly. Iam not saying that there will not be times that will be hard and there will be disagreememnt of some sort but never let the sunset upon the argument or sometimes the anger will build a bridge that cannot be crossed. I so want to believe in the fairy tale and so I guess I will continue the search for that one special person to share my life with. So I say to one and all that if you have that person..that one spcial person with which to share your life with then plesae show them how much they mean to you man or woman it really doesn't matter just so long as you love them completly. having a love completly true does not mean that you have to be together 24/7 for if we take a look at a door isit nothe hole in the middle that makes the door useful so fi you are together 24/7 what else then for what would you havbe to talk about...i guess not alot huh....but know that does not mean that it gives free range to do what the heck the other person likes for before you know it the love is changed so lets not change true love into some perverse alteration from what it once was. LETS KEEP TRUE LOVE AS IT WAS ALWAYS MEANT TO BE....TRUE. and just maybe there will be a chance for the nice guys in the world.

I initalyy wrote this for my ex cherokee wife..but she found it within her heart to be with another and so it was kind of my way to put my feelings onto paper and to get them out and i now know that i have had to say good bye and i wish her all of the best with the new man in her life. I do not write this to cause pain but to put down my feelings and hopefully help others to learn from my mistakes LOVING MOON The moon rises Creatures of the night scamper across the ground The Wolf following the Raven Her ever faithful companion His love for her Hers for him Forever loving in the moon The loving moon forever shines Upon two hearts that are oceans apart Even though the ocean is there It cannot stop this love But wither it did For mistakes and actions I made Through sheer ignorance I caused pain But still I’m forever her Wolf Travelling the journey of dreams The road of visions The Eagles feathers in the headdress Dancing around the fire Sitting in a smoke lodge Searching within I find the Wolf waiting Waiting for his Raven With spirits rising Helping Guiding To beginnings and endings Continually on the search for existence Yet through it all I see her I want to love her Love her as she deserves We can love like nothing ever loved before For I am forever her Wolf Forever will I howl into the darkness? And under the still Loving moon.

IDEAS FOR ENHANCING SELF-ESTEEM Try to understand and accept that how you see yourself came from your family of origin, and can be changed as you begin to look at that family and their ways of surviving Although only you can give yourself positive esteem, it is helpful along the way, to spend time with people around whom you feel terrific Become aware of what is important to you and begin to concentrate on those things. What do you want in 5 years, 1 year, if you only had 6 months to live? We all have an inner voice that is accurate and knows what is best for us. Outer voices often muffle it. Allow time to be with yourself and listen to your inner voice. Look into a mirror and give yourself compliments. When you cannot hear those, call a friend (your biggest fan) and ask them to give you one. Create a new way to nurture yourself each day. One day you might write yourself a love note, one day you might take a walk along the water, one day you might bake something healthy for yourself. You are really worth it. Allow yourself to experience your fears and know that you can survive them. Then call a friend and talk about it. Let go of expecting others to meet your needs. YOU can meet those needs yourself. If another does something special, well, that’s a gift and a surprise. Allow yourself to spend time along the way doing something you enjoy. Whether you read a sexy novel or take a bubble bath, it is important to experience aloneness as being fun.

Well today is the day of new thinking and new choices..Sometimes whilst walking the Red Road Spirit puts an obstacle in our path and allows us the freedom to make a choice be it right or wrong..but still it is a freedom of choice. Well today for myself personally is a day of looking at things in a new light and think of new opportunities to propel myself further into the path of destiny

I plan on flying across the pond at some point again this year it will proberbly be towards the end of the year. This year has been a year of stress and that is already..lol...But enough of that..the reason for this blog is totell you all a little about me. Well iam prberbly one of the last true romantics in the world. I value honesty and honour almost above all except love. I don't lie as iam terrible at it. I have one daughter who is 13 years old who lives with her mother. i train in the martial artsand withthe Creators and the Goddesses blessing I will soon be able to move across the pond permanently. Iam single and yes Iam looking ofrthat special someone to share my life with.

this is for a book that iam writing can you please tell me what you think.... BEAUTIFUL NIGHTMARES I wake in the morning to the rising moon and I see her face there smiling from the illumine scent glow of the full moon rising up above the trees and shining through the curtains of my window. Her face a picture of love and of passion I reach out to touch the vision and it fades into the bright light and then all I see is the moon her rays casting shadows all around my little bed room so that the secrets of the night can hide themselves from me and the visions that come do not promise hope but only damnation for the dreams that I have had of the promise of love and of salvation…. There is no salvation for me there are only the shadows of damnation of memories that come through the waking moments of this dream that I call life. I wait for deaths sweet embrace and bring me back to the Beautiful Nightmares that drive me to a state of insanity that distorts the corridors of my mind. I lay here in a realisation that the hopes and dreams of all others have the same corruptions that invade my waking moments. I try to forget those nightmares but they keep on coming and I can’t stop those that have the darker meaning to my soul for which the beautiful ones are the most corrupting. for my soul is only as bright as the moon that shines through my window to create those shadows that the secrets of the night and the day hide and echo into my subconscious soul that will exist long after my flesh has gone and my bones are dust and yet still I lay here unable to move waiting for her embrace. The vision doesn’t come as she should but only as I awake to the light of the waiting moon and the lengthening shadows. For she has left. Her mortal coil has gone to dust and yet she waits for my heart to join her in what ever hell they sent her to and her essence echoes in this place. The walls remember her radiant glow that shone so bright like the sun that I remember from long ago from when I was as you are now a being of light that was able to walk in the sun and to laugh and to cry and to feel -all of those things that you called human. I am much more than that and yet so much less for what I gave up I am not so sure it was worth the price. The price of being more and yet being so much less than human for I will never see a sunrise again or smell the damp grass as the morning dew rises from the ground. But still I look for her, my heart, my passion, my joy and yet she is my sorrow and my frustration. Am I coward for laying here in this place or should I go out to look for those that caused her to flee this existence that you call mortal life and how many times do we whom you call the creatures of the night, devils, abominations have to suffer extinction just because you fear. do we not have the right to live, to exist, to love, to hope and to dream of a life without death. Yet you hunted her as you would a wild animal to mount upon your wall as a trophy. She did no wrong except to have an affliction that you could not understand and over the centuries all I have seen is that which you call humanity is just to destroy that which you fear. She was upon her knees pleading for her life and all she wanted to do was live and yet you gave her the same chance that you give an animal that is laying upon the ground waiting for death as its life essence flows form the wound that is inflicted upon its body…. which is no chance…. instead you took that sharpened piece of wood and drove it into her heart and with that you took my heart to for she was the only light that I had left. You shamed me for I could do nothing but stand and watch in disbelief and horror as you did your deed and as the tears of crimson blood flowed in a red tide down my pale face I ran until I could run no more and I found a place to hide, to wait until I knew you were no longer hunting and yet as the dawn grew near I felt the first need to be below ground. I slept………

Taurus

You are very stubborn, and your withdrawn nature makes you irresistible to hotties.

You like sex to be romantic and passionate, and you know just how to make it that way. Your partners cannot resist your spontaneous and gentle nature.

Sex matches: Cancer, Virgo, Capricorn

Take this quiz at QuizUniverse.com