Spoiled Bitch's blog: "My dirty thoughts"

I am sitting here during my lunch hour, eating my sandwich my son made me wondering why do people feel the need to bother you while you stuff your face and take the hour break you are entitled to. If you didn't know i am the credit analyst for the company i work for. I am the only one for this division. My boss is in another state he watches the account while i eat or do whatever i need to do. But people still feel the need to ask me to stop eating and help then. Lord knows they took a lunch and were allowed their time of peace or maybe they worked thru b/c they are unable to manage their time. No matter the issue I know how to manage my tasks and i enjoy my time to rest and eat my lunch. Don't bug me during my lunch, it is my legal right in Washington state to take an hour lunch and I am going to do that. Maybe i am more tired then i thought. More stressed then i wanted to admit about the issues i have to deal with. Told Kevin that come hell or high water I am going to rest and there was nothing he was going to do about it. My mom suggested i take a half day and not go in until noon. I am thinking about both options. Well I am done for now. At this point July could not come any quicker for me.

1. You yell at your kids saying, "Don't make me email your father!" 2. Your neighbors know you but have never seen your active-duty husband. 3. Your conversations are sprinkled with PCS, TAD, LES, etc., and you know what they mean. 4. You have had 8 address changes in 9 years and you are not on the run from the law. 5. The front hall closet of your home is designated as a uniform closet. 6. Your spouse will be gone for 2 weeks from his job and you think, "Is that all? No problem." 7. The radiator blows up on the car and the washing machine dies just as your spouse leaves for temporary duty. 8. You aren't surprised when you get 4 days notice for a 4 month deployment. 9. You don't know your own Social Security number, but you know your spouses by heart. 10. You are in a disagreement with a bill collector and say, "Let me speak to your commander!" 11. You spend your second wedding anniversary alone. 12. You move your day care business from one state to another and still have the same children enrolled. 13. You have a collection of different shapes, sizes, and colors of window treatments for the same room. 14. Your heart races when you hear the doorbell ring during a deployment. 15. You've done more oil changes and mowed more lawns than your spouse because he's never there to do it himself. 16. You remember milestones by duty stations. 17. All your kids, including your 2 yr old, stop what they are doing and put their hands over their hearts whenever they hear the national anthem. 18. You can sleep through the sounds of fighter planes and bombers during their morning practice. 19. You reach for your ID card when entering a civilian store. 20. You ask someone to hold on by saying, "Standby." 21. Your kids point at anyone wearing BDUs and boots, regardlessof race or gender and yell "Daddy!" or "Mommy!" 22. You tell the movers the correct way to pack. 23. You notice when Hollywood makes mistakes in portraying the military. 24. Military homecomings on TV bring tears to your eyes because you can relate so well. 25. You start to read the Air Force Times in place of Cosmopolitan!

You asked me once upon a time to take you to my sandy shore to coax and entice your passion in time with the oceans roar. So come with me my baby lets walk to the waters edge so I can hold you in my arms and to you my undying love I pledge. Let me pull you down with me into the wet and frothing surf let me lay you back against a soft, shoreline berth. Feel my arms envelop you and my salty lips descend on yours feel my tongue caressing my hands as they explore. Feel the heat within my mouth as down your body I slide teasing quivering nipples with a flick and still lower my mouth shall glide. ANd as the waves lap at your toes my head bends lower yet to find that sweet and tender spot where your strongest desires I'll whet. I can feel your body stiffen as finally my mouth closes over you I can hear your moans escape your lips as my tongue slides across overdue. You rock your hips against my face as my tongue finds that swollen spot you push harder against me feeling that fire burn so hot. I hold you close against me as my mouth encourages your desire and soon I feel you trembling heading off towards that downward spiral. I hold tight within my lips enticing the ebb and flow of a passions endless journey and that moment when it finally lets go.

A firefighter was working on the engine outside the station when he noticed a little girl nearby in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides & a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl was wearing a firefighter's helmet. The wagon was being pulled by her dog & her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the firefighter said with admiration. "Thanks," the Girl replied. The firefighter looked a little closer & noticed the girl had tied the wagon to her dog's collar & to the cat's testicles. "Little partner," the firefighter said "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster." The little girl replied thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Just throwing this out there.... Why is it that you spend over a month building up for one day? The shopping and decorating and running around for one day in time that is over in a blink of an eye. We went home to Charleston SC for Christmas and we had been planning this trip since Easter of 2007. The day after Thanksgiving my mother would call me every morning to give me the count down until the day we would be home. Even if she had nothing else to say she would at least give the count down. Then the shopping online to make sure every gift was at my parents house for Christmas. Dec 21st and we are finally there, now is where the blur begins. There is so much you want to see and do that you can't seem to fit it all in. Did I mention this was Jade's first visit to Charleston. Of course everyone had to see both of the kids, all of the family friends. Christmas eve is here and Kevin, Dad, and I are scrambling around to make sure that Santa makes it to our house. We go to bed around midnight which just seemed like I closed my eyes and Jade and JC were waking all of us up. Again in a flash it is over.... the kids rip into the gifts wanting to play with everything all at once. Done. Mom and I begin to cook Christmas dinner for everyone that is coming. My cousin Angie has to leave Christmas afternoon b/c she has to be at work the next day. Wish I had more time with her too. Everyone arrives for dinner. Done. Why is it that the great things happen in a flash and you fight to remember the look on your child's face? You wait 9 months for this wonderful life to grow inside of you then the child is born. You don't remember the pain, the room, the sounds you made. You just now look 13 or 3 years later in their eyes and wonder what they will do next. Christmas of 2007 is over.... how was your's?

Dear Wife, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be sleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just laid there 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move KEEP READING....... ===================================================== TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did: 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't come with energy 33 times you came too soon 19 times you went soft before you got in 38 times you worked too late 10 times you got cramps in your toes 29 times you had to get up early to play golf 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger 20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching TV Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe. Once you read this letter you have to keep it going. This game has been played since 1996. So here are the rules: If you read this on a Sunday, wish for a good week If you read this on a Monday, wish for money If you read this on a Tuesday, wish for love If you read this on a Wednesday, wish for success If you read this on a Thursday, wish for anything you want If you read this on a Friday, wish for a really hot date If you read this on a Saturday, wish for an important phone call repost in 3.5 min. and your wish will come true Make sure you repost in 3.5 min. or your wish won't come true.

Like a lot of folks in this state, I have a job. I work, they pay me. I pay my taxes and the government distributes my taxes as it sees fit. In order to get that paycheck, I am required to pass a random urine test with which I have no problem. What I do have a problem with is the distribution of my taxes to peoplewho don't have to pass a urine test. Shouldn't one have to pass a urine test to get a welfare checkbecause I have to pass one to earn it for them? Please understand, I have no problem with helping people get back on theirfeet. I do on the other hand have a problem with helping someone sitting on their ass, doing drugs,while I work... Can you imagine how much money the state would save if people had to pass a urine test toget a public assistance check? Pass this along if you agree or simply delete if you don't. Hope you allwill pass it along though. Something has to change in this country and soon!!!

>1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. > >2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. > >3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family >of 3. > >4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. > >5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and >family is that they don't have e-mail addresses. > >6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone >to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. > >7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the >bottom of the screen. > >8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you >didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, >is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get >it. > >10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting >your coffee. > >11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. >: ) > >12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. > >13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to >forward this message. > >14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. > >15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't >a #9 on this list > >AND NOW U R LAUGHING at yourself.

Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady at thecoffee machine, inhales a big breath of air, and tells her that her hairsmells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and asks to file asexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled and asks: "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice?" The woman replies, "Its Keith. The midget."

The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said,"You had a good idea to replace the first four pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now." The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me adding a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n' roll gospel choir. Now our services are consistently packed to the balcony." "Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth." "All of these ideas have been well and good," said the elderly priest, "But I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional." "But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!" "Yes," replied the elderly priest, "And I appreciate that. But the flashing neon sign, 'Toot 'n' Tell or Go to Hell' cannot stay on the church roof."