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country boy's blog: "my depression"

created on 09/04/2007  |  http://fubar.com/my-depression/b124463

when i get depressed

What Am I: As the cold steel of the blade digs deeper and deeper into my skin and releases the pain held within i close my eyes as all the life flows from my body and everything goes numb. What is this feelin that has come over me is it pain, no, it doesnt hurt anymore i have been released from all the pain of life. I am finally free from the pain in my heart no longer burdened by love only filled with hate. and as i regain control of myself i know that all i have left is hate. A hate for all life. I no longer have feelins in my heart it is as cold as ice and as hard as stone unable to be moved by anything except the pain of others. I have finally found my role in life i am satisfied with what i do now. but there is still that feelin of emptyness but it doesnt burden me anymore i am finally at peace with what i am. but i have yet to figure out what exactly that is yet. but i will before to long. all i know is that i live in the shadows lurkin through them waitin for the moment to strike but it still does not tell me who i am, but i have an idea of what i have become. I have become evil in all of its purest forms and i enjoy the pain i bring others, to see them fight with themselves over what they believe in to push their friends and family away no longer trustin anybody, to see the pain that racks their body and to finally know what real pain is, not the physical pain but the mental pain that will slowly drive them insane, that is what brings peace to my restless soul. TEARS OF BLOOD: With all the pain in my life i start to realize there are tears in my eyes. And as tears of blood start to roll down my face i finally see the truth about life, happiness is only a figment of our imagination designed to disguiss the harshness and cruelness that our lives really revolve around, and as i realize this i start to understand that true happiness comes with the death that fills our lives with sorrow and pain. With this understandin i accept the pain in my heart and embrace the darker side of life, to except that i was put here to end life not bring it, to show everyone that there is no happiness in what they do but only the false sense of accomplishment. With that said i will tell you who i am. I am the bringer of sorrow, the deliverer of pain, but most important i am death in all of its cruel forms finally tellin you the truth, and with all that said i will end with these words, I will always be behind you even if u dont see me when u look over your shoulder but i am there waitin for the right moment to complete my job and end your life, i will be the last thing u ever see as tears of blood fill your eyes. If your fear me you are wright to have that fear, if you do not fear me i will come to you sooner than you think. So keep this in mind no one lives forever and i make sure of that, you cant out smart me i have been doin this job since time began, so no matter what you do i will take your immortal soul from you when you least expect it. Now that all of that has been said i bid you farewell untill we meet again, but remember i may come sooner than you think.
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