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MRS's blog: "My Blogs"

created on 09/26/2006  |  http://fubar.com/my-blogs/b7100

How to Clean Your Mouse


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How to Clean Your Mouse This memo is from an unnamed computer company. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite serious. The engineers rolled on the floor. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Unit). Therefore, if a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse. Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop-off method. Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist-off method. Mouse balls are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediaty. It is recommended that each replacer have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should suspect local personnel of removing these necessary items."


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12 Step Program for Computer Addicts 1) I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like I used to, before the Web. 2) I will eat breakfast with a knife and fork and not with one hand typing. 3) I will get dressed before noon. 4) I will make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, and plan dinner before even thinking of the Web. 5) I will sit down and write a letter to those unfortunate few friends and family that are Web-deprived. 6) I will call someone on the phone who I cannot contact via the Web. 7) I will read a book... if I still remember how. 8) I will listen to those around me about their needs and stop telling them to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on the Web. 9) I will not be tempted during TV commercials to check for email. 10) I will try and get out of the house at least once a week, if it is necessary or not. 11) I will remember that my bank is not forgiving if I forget to balance my checkbook because I was too busy on the Web. 12) Last, but not least, I will remember that I must go to bed sometime... and the Web will always be there tomorrow!

3 Whiskeys :)


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A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks. Curious, the bartender asked him one day, "Why do you always order three shots Whiskey?" The man answered, "Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they've both passed on, I've continued to order the three shots in their honor." The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar. Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey. Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three. The man answered, "Oh, I've decided to stop drinking."

Men looool


Man was sick and tired of going to work everyday while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what She went through everyday, so he prayed..... Dear Lord: I go to work everyday for 8 hours, while my wife merely stays home. I want her to know what I go through. So, please allow her body to switch with mine for a day!! Amen. God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The next morning the man woke as a woman. He got up: cooked breakfast for his mate, got the kids up, set out their clothes, fed them, got their lunches packed up and drove them to school. Came home, picked up dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners, stopped at the bank to make a deposit, stopped at the store to grocery shop. He drove home, put away groceries, paid the bills, balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the litter box, and bathed the dog. By this time it was already 1:00 pm. So he hurried to make the beds, do the laundry, vacuum, and dust. AND.... sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to school to pick up the kids and got into an arguement with them on the way home. He set out cookies and milk, and organized them to get their homework done. He set up ironing board and started ironing. At 4:30, he started peeling potatos and washing vegetables for a salad, breaded porkchops and snap beans. After supper..... He cleaned kitchen, ran dishwasher, bathed the kids, got them to bed. It is now....9:00pm. He was exhausted and although his daily chores Weren't finished, he went to bed, where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without a complaint. The next morning.... he awoke and immediately kneeled by the bed and said... "oh Lord.. I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to be envious of my wife being home all day. Please, oh please trade us back!!!" Amen The Lord in his infinite wisdom, r eplied back, "My son, I feel that you have learned your lesson, and will be happy to change things back to the way they were. But....you will have to wait 9 months, though. You got pregnant last night!" Ladies.... men really need to watch what they ask for. Who said God doesn't have a sense of humor?

DOWNRATER IN THE LIRKS!!!


BigMike
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@ fubar

WATCH OUT FOR THIS IS A LOOSER.. BigMike re-rated your photo a '1' from a '2'! · BigMike rated your photo a '2'!


Please pass this on.....
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September 17th, 2008 My Sis, Blackwidows Husband has been critically ill & in the hospital for over 3 months.. Today he lost his battle from complecations of Pancretitis Please pray for my sis and her family.. and please keep them near your hearts as they pass through this most sorrowful time.
ღ DJ Black Widow ღ Owner Of The Sanctum Lounge ~ DJ Manager for The Sanctum ~
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@ fubar

This evening we lost someone very special to us Someone we all loved in so many ways a person who brought so much joy and happiness each and every day. "We will forever have our memories to remind us of your love and knowing you are always there watching from above. " Sis, Just always know were here and that our thoughts are with you and we'll be there for you. Our memories will last forever

Please stop by her page and show her your love and support.



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This was too cute not to share. It's funny, I had received this in an email. Wal Mart Applicant revealed... Below is an actual job application that this 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in California . They hired him because he was funny..... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Old Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment . MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs. ?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be 'Do you have a car that runs?' HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearing House Sweepstakes, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde supermodel who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE: 7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely. ***Old People Rock! ***

loool have a wonderful day hehehe

HAVE A REAL GOOD LAUGH WITH THIS. WHAT IS A GRANDPARENT? (taken from papers written by a class of 8-year-olds) Grandparents are a lady and a man who have no little children of their own. They like other people's. A grandfather is a man & a grandmother is a lady! Grandparents don't have to do anything except be there when we come to see them. They are so old they shouldn't play hard or run. It is good if they drive us to the shops and give us money. When they take us for walks, they slow down past things like pretty leaves a and caterpillars. They show us and talk to us about the colors of the flowers and also why we shouldn't step on 'cracks.' They don't say, 'Hurry up.' Usually grandmothers are fat but not too fat to tie your shoes. They wear glasses and funny underwear. They can take their teeth and gums out. Grandparents don't have to be smart. They have to answer questions like : 'Why isn't God married?' and 'How come dogs chase cats?' When they read to us, they don't skip. They don't mind if we ask for the same story over again. Everybody should try to have a grandmother, especially if you don't have television because they are the only grownups who like to spend time with us. They know we should h ave snack time before bedtime and they say prayers with us and kiss us even when we've acted bad. A 6 year old was asked where his grandma lived. ''Oh,'' He said, ''She lives at the Airport and when we want her we just go get her. Then when were done having her visit, we take her back to the Airport.'' Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things but i dont get to see him enough to get as smart as him!! It's funny when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.' Send this to other grandparents. It will make their day. hehehehe, Huggies, Debbie :)
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