Chick Like Me's blog: "my blog"

ok chuck norris jokes are the funniest things ever. if you dont know what im talking about . .. just. . . um .. read these i guess. (if you dont know who chuck norris is . . . go home). Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it. Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants. Chuck Norris waited patiently in Al Capones vault for 63 years just so he could give Geraldo Rivera the surprise beating of his lifetime. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate an Indian. When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever. Bullets dodge Chuck Norris. according to Einsteins theory of relativity, Chuck Norris can actually roundhouse kick you yesterday. now thats fast Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits. Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths. (yeah its a joke) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs. It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart. If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Answer: Chuck Norris. Although it is not common knowledge, there are actually three sides to the Force: the light side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a KFC. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful, it can be seen from outer space by the naked eye. Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany. If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies, just check the extinct species list. Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never. Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food. If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who would win? Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly 'get out of jail free' card. Chuck Norris invented water. Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's real father. Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it. Chuck Norris knows where Carmen Sandiego is. Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked him across the face several times. China was once bordering the United States, until Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked it all the way through the Earth. Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about Chuck Norris sent Jesus a birthday card on December 25th and it wasnt Jesus birthday. Jesus was to scared to correct Chuck Norris and to this day December 25th is known as Jesus birthday. (thats a joke dont take it personally) When Chuck Norris had surgery, the anesthesia was applied to the doctors. Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer. Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice. Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one. Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own. There is no such thing as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks. Chuck Norris doesnt worry about changing his clock twice a year for daylight savings time. The sun rises and sets when Chuck tells it to. one time a kid held a jack in the box, but when he opened it chuck norris popped out and roundhouse kicked him in the face. chuck norris once defeated the sun in a staring contest Chuck Norris was once walking along the Sahara Desert when he decided he needed shelter from the sun. So he stared at the sand until it melted into 2 ton blocks. He then made his shelter which we now call the Great Pyramids. Chuck Norris eats barbed wire and small children for breakfast, and washes is all down with decaf battery acid. Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis. Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding. When the Boogeyman goes to bed he checks his closet for Chuck Norris. Chuck once got shot in the head. He then proceeded to surgically remove the bullet with his beard as foreceps and then ate it because his daily iron count was low. Ice isnt cold water, its water that is scared still by Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris can actually breath fire. A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is Charles. Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded. In the back of the Guinness Book of World Records it states All records are currently held by Chuck Norris, and the records listed in this book are only the records of those people who have come closest to Chuck Norriss records. Chuck Norris can divide by zero. Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night. When Chuck Norris runs with scissors, other people get hurt. Chuck Norris once was playin a friendly game of golf with the pope. When Chuck shanked a ball into the bunker he began cursing. The pope said, I will pray for you my son. Norris proceeded to roundhouse kick him to the face stating that no one prays for Chuck Noris besides Chuck Norris, then he stole his wallet.

Pinup Bettie Page hospitalized after heart attack Sat Dec 6, 1:52 AM EST Bettie Page, a 1950s pinup known for her raven-haired bangs and saucy come-hither looks, was hospitalized in intensive care after suffering a heart attack, her agent said Friday. "She's critically ill," Mark Roesler of CMG Worldwide told The Associated Press. He said the 85-year-old had been hospitalized for the last three weeks with pneumonia and was about to be released when she had the heart attack Tuesday. Page was transferred to another hospital in Los Angeles and remained in intensive care Friday. A family friend, Todd Mueller, said Page was in a coma. When asked to confirm, Roesler said, "I would not deny that," but he would not comment further on her condition. Page, a secretary turned model, is credited with helping set the stage for the sexual revolution of the rebellious 1960s. She attracted national attention with magazine photographs of her sensuous figure that were tacked up on walls across the country. Her photos included a centerfold in the January 1955 issue of then-fledgling Playboy magazine, as well as controversial sadomasochistic poses. Page later spent decades away from the public eye, and during that time battled mental illness and became a born-again Christian. After resurfacing in the 1990s, she occasionally granted interviews but refused to allow her picture to be taken. Mueller credits his business dealings with Page for bringing her out of seclusion. He said he first met her in 1989 when he offered her "a bunch of money" to show up at autograph signings. "I probably sold 3,000 of her autographs, usually for $200 to $300," he said. "Eleanor Roosevelt, we got $40-$50. ... Bettie Page outsells them all." Copyright 2008 The Associated Press. All rights reserved. This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed.