I was cleaning out a huge closet in my house and found my "special box." Inside of it are pictures, cards and letters from long ago...
I have dozens of letters from one ex-girlfriend... My first, serious relationship. We were 18 at the time... Too young... But now being almost 30, I cannot believe, in fact I'm stunned, that almost 12 years ago, an 18 year old could write this well... With this much feeling and emotion... I was so impressed that I thought I would share a few letters...
Letter 1:
Josh,
It's 4:45 in the morning. Forty-five minutes after you left and I still can't sleep. I suppose it might just be my sentimental side coming out - I don't know.
I can still smell you. Clinging to my skin is your smell mixed with mine. It's even more maddening this way than just yours alone. I'm sleeping in the single bed for the rest of the night. The bed we made on the floor is too large for only me - I couldn't stand the thought of trying to sleep there without you.
So I am trying to sleep. Trying to sleep in a small bed, alone, with my clothes on. This feels a bit wrong. Only hours ago I slept in the arms of my lover, the light caress of the bedsheets delicious against my skin... Think of me when you go to bed at night.
Remember - remember the way it should feel, the way sleeping should feel lying next to the one who loves you. You are my friend, my soulmate, my lover; you are my everything - I - ever - really - wanted. I love you completely. I want to share my entire life with you. This separation is not right. It drags at my heart, and it keeps me awake...
Remember I love you always...
Letter 2:
Josh -
Please, please let's not argue on the phone anymore. I love you so much, and it kills me to hang up the phone knowing that you're hurting and that I won't be able to talk to you for at least several days. I miss you like crazy. I love you, I need you - I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I mean that. I've been thinking about us a lot lately, and I've realized that you're it; you're the one. I'm not asking you for anything, not even a return of commitment. I just wanted you to know where things stand on my side.
God, I miss you. I wish I could tell you all these things in person. I wish I could just have the privacy here to tell you these things on the phone without Sarah standing less than ten feet away from me. I'll be home in a week, but considering it's only been that long since you were here and it feels more like it's been a month, that's not nearly soon enough...
I love you, I love you, I love you...
P.S. Only 8 more days...
Letter 3:
Intro:
I know how you hate to be patient, but trust me on this - don't read this letter now. Wait until night, when you're ready to go to sleep. I promise it will be infinitely better then, and you'll be glad that you followed my instructions.
Letter:
I want to tell you what has been on my mind throughout this evening. Ever since our phone conversation, the one thing that sticks in my mind is this: the night we spent at Sue's house.
Do you remember what happened? Not just parts - all of it. It was like this: the unity of our minds had been established for quite some time, but the unity of body, of soul was somewhat incomplete until that moment. That instant in the middle of the night in which we simultaneously awakened, without words, each knowing that the other was awake, our lips meeting together easily, as though we had planned it.
It was the silence and the darkness that made that one time the absolute perfection. Without sight, without words, with nothing but your sense of touch or your perception of the change of my breaths. You knew... You knew exactly how to catch me off guard. You knew just what my body wanted you to do, even when my mind itself didn't know. In the silence, in the darkness, every nerve in my body was awakened, was fine-tuned to even the lightest touch. Your breath on my neck was like a caress, and your kisses to my flesh like the feel of silk against my body...
I was alive... I wanted you, I needed you with a desire without bounds. It was the wanting, the unpredictability. Just the idea, the thought of you was maddening, but at your touch... At the feel of your hands undressing me, slowly, carefully, as you touched me... My body melted beneath you. Everywhere you touched I became like liquid, fluid and alive and hungry to be closer to you, to become one with you... Never before then had I known a passion so fierce. And silent, all silent and yet still you knew. Never did I want you more than at that moment. A desire so fierce I wanted to cry, to scream; my wanting was so intense. And as before, you knew, because it was precisely then that we began. It was then that we began, and then that I realized that the previous sensations had been only the prelude to the reaches of ecstasy later to come. My entire body tightened under you, wanting, needing, totally consumed by you.
Time, space, all reality disappeared, and there was only you, only us... And I let go...
Remember...
End of Letters:
The same girl that wrote these letters once told me... "The Chinese believe that only 7 pairs of soulmates exist on the earth at any given time." I don't know if that's true or not, but I do think that, for a moment in time some 12 years ago, I was lucky enough to have been one of those seven.
