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I'm Beginning to Forget
I thought my life should have been over when I heard your news that day..... but powers well beyond mine wouldn't let me end my days.... and we all know how hard I tried...... but I'm starting to forget. Twisted metal and shattered glass told a tale that wasn't so..... by all rights, I shouldn't have survived..... let alone without a mark on me...... but I'm starting to forget. Pain like no other became my new constant friend as muscle wasted into oblivion.... so much soft tissue damage, yet not even a bruise to tell my tale...... and months of physical therapy..... but I'm starting to forget. Then your leaving became final and my world rocked under that blow..... how could I go on without you? who would I be without you? Would anyone ever HEAR me again? but I'm starting to forget. Tears came and went as I resolved to find myself alone, without you..... each crisis devouring me less and less, not because they were minor in nature..... but because MY nature was growing stronger.... and I began to forget. Hurricane Charley blindsided Florida, and I couldn't help thinking what an awful name Charlie was..... my heart HATED you both.... but who had time to hold on to hate...... with reality blowing into the neighbor's yard..... and I continued to forget. Four hurricanes, a wrecked van, numerous doctors, and the news that MY baby was going to have HER own baby..... chaos and triumphs were abundant for months..... I NEEDED you to come back sooo much..... yet, tossed and turned I stood my ground..... and I knew I was really forgetting. I am completely weather-worn these days, physically and emotionally my eyes show both sides..... a pre-teen daughter leaving elementary school behind..... another daughter, pre-son-in-law, and a new grandson filling every nook and cranny of our tiny house...... and I knew I had almost forgotten. It's been almost two years since you devastated my life. I've hurt, I've cried, I've grieved, I've almost died.... I've laughed, I've fought, I've smiled, I've won..... I've been so angry, so sad, so lost.... yet losing YOU meant finding ME....... and I realized I had forgotten. I keep you in my prayers, you cross my thoughts at least once a day..... my life DID change because you were in it...... it has changed more since you have been gone and I will always be thankful for your time..... BUT, when I try, I can't even remember your face, so I guess I learned to say Good-bye...... Even though..... YOU NEVER DID!! BY; Robin Dawn Palmer 7/8/05 By ChinaSwan
© 2005 ChinaSwan (All rights reserved)
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Heartache, Why Do You Stay? 
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Bleeding You Gone
| I stand posed, another goodbye about to leave your lips.... another blood droplet plops to the floor. I hear the phone ring, I ignore the caller ID in favor of another slice into myself.... forcing the knife to bleed you from me. The phone falls silent, and I stare in pain at the only sign you may have cared... and my toes dip in the red puddle beneath them. I swipe at the tear, denying its affects upon my dying heart as another dares to fall.... and I open my skin to let you flow free of me. Another ring, assaulting my frantic efforts to void myself of every memory of you... the knife falls to the floor disappearing beneath the red lake all around me. I grab the phone, choke out 'I love you' and 'be happy, goodbye'..... my nails tear the flesh where the tears had betrayed me. My heart slows, I feel everything about you draining away.... you were everything to me..... My eyes close, a final image of what wasn't ours to share imprints my memory..... quietly I fade away, forever free of it all.... Within the sound of silence, I bled you gone. Are you happy now? She'll never know I was there with you..... for there's nothing left of me to find.... except maybe?? a stain upon YOUR heart? if you had one.... ~~Robin Dawn 'ChinaSwan' Palmer ~December 16, 2009~ By ChinaSwan
© 2009 ChinaSwan (All rights reserved)
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DEVASTATED 
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