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Majiksgirl's blog: "misc"

created on 10/18/2007  |  http://fubar.com/misc/b143013

oh lord i am tired

OH LORD I'M TIRED! >>>> >>>> A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wife >>>> stayed home. >>>> He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: >>>> "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife >>>> merely stays at home. >>>> I want her to know what I go through, so please allow >>>> her body to switch with mine for a day Amen." >>>> >>>> God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. >>>> >>>> The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. >>>> He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, >>>> Awakened the kids, >>>> Set out their school clothes, >>>> Fed them breakfast, >>>> Packed their lunches, >>>> Drove them to school, >>>> Came home and >>>> Picked up the dry cleaning, >>>> Took it to the cleaners and >>>> Stopped at the bank to make a deposit, >>>> Went grocery shopping, >>>> Then drove home to put away the groceries, >>>> Paid the bills and >>>> Balanced the check book. >>>> He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog. >>>> >>>> Then it was already 1 P. M. And he hurried to make the beds, >>>> Do the laundry, >>>> Vacuum, >>>> Dust, >>>> Sweep and >>>> Mop the kitchen floor. >>>> Ran to the school to pick up the kids and >>>> Got into an argument with them on the way home. >>>> Set out milk and cookies and >>>> Got the kids organized to do their homework, >>>> Then set up the ironing board and >>>> Watched TV while he did the ironing. >>>> A t 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and >>>> Washing vegetables for salad, >>>> Breaded the pork chops and >>>> Snapped fresh beans for supper. >>>> After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, >>>> Ran the dishwasher, >>>> Folded laundry, >>>> Bathed the kids, and put t hem to bed. >>>> >>>> At 9 P.M. He was exhausted and, though his daily chores weren't >>>> finished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he >>>> managed to get through without complaint. >>>> >>>> The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and >>>> said: -"Lord, I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to >>>> envy >>>> my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh! Oh! Please, >>>> let >>>> us trade back." >>>> >>>> The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied: >>>> "My son, I feel you have learned your lesson and I will be happy >>>> to change things back to the way they were. You'll just have to wait >>>> nine months though. You got pregnant last night." >>>> >>>> >>>> This has been voted Women's Favorite E-mail of the Year! >>>> If you agree, send it to all your friends who would enjoy this? >>>> >>>> I just did!
Ten Thoughts to Ponder for 2008 -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Number 10 Life is sexually transmitted. Number 9 Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Number 8 Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. Number 7 Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the internet And they won't bother you for weeks. Number 6 Some people are like a Slinky .. Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. Number 5 Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing. Number 4 All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to Criticism. Number 3 Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00 and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00? Number 2 In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is Weird and people take Prozac to make it normal. And The Number 1 Thought For 2008: We know exactly where one cow with Mad-cow-disease is located among millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a clue as to where millions of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge of Immigration. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- " Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers. What you do today, might Burn Your Ass Tomorrow" .
A Different Christmas Poem The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light, I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight. My wife was asleep, her head on my chest, My daughter beside me, angelic in rest. Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white, Transforming the yard to a winter delight. The sparkling lights in the tree I believe, Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve. My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep, Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep. In perfect contentment, or so it would seem, So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream. The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near, But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear. Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow. My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear, And I crept to the door just to see who was near. Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night, A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight. A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old, Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold. Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled, Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child. "What are you doing?", I asked without fear, "Come in this moment, it's freezing out here. Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve, You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve. For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift, Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts, To the window that danced with a warm fire's light Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right, I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night." "It's my duty to stand at the front of the line, That separates you from the darkest of times. No one had to ask or beg or implore me." "I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me. My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December,' Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers." "My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ', And now it is my turn and so, here I am. I've not seen my own son in more than a while, But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile" Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag, The red, white, and blue... an American flag. "I can live through the cold and the being alone, Away from my family, my house and my home." "I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet, I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat. I can carry the weight of killing another, Or lay down my life with my sister and brother." Who stand at the front against any and all, To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall." "So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright, Your family is waiting and I'll be all right." "But isn't there something I can do, at the least, "Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast? It seems all too little for all that you've done, For being away from your wife and your son." Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret, "Just tell us you love us, and never forget. To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone, To stand your own watch, no matter how long." "For when we come home, either standing or dead, To know you remember we fought and we bled. Is payment enough, and with that we will trust, That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."
Think about this for a min...... If I happened to show up on your door step crying, would you care? If I called you and asked you to pick me up because something happened, would you come? If I had one day left, to live my life; would you be part of that last day? If I needed a shoulder to cry on, would you give me yours? This is a test to see who your real friends are or if you are just some one to talk to you when they are bored . . . send this to everybody on your list including the person who sent it to you. I just did.....because you are my friend. If I don't get this back I guess your not my friend.
1. Touch her waist. 2. Actually talk to her. 3. Share secrets with her. 4. Give her 1 of your sweatshirts 5. Kiss her slowly. Are you remembering this? 6. Hug her. 7. Hold her. 8. Laugh with her. 9. Invite her somewhere. 10. Hangout with her and your friends together. KEEP READING 11. Smile with her. 12. Take pictures with her. 13. Pull her onto your lap. 14. When she says she loves you more, deny it. Fight back. 15. When her friends say i love her more than you, deny it. fight back and hug her tight so she can't get to her friends. it makes her feel loved. Are you thinking of someone? 16. Always hug her and say hi whenever you see her. 17. Kiss her unexpectedly. 18. Hug her from behind around the waist. 19. Tell her she's beautiful. 20. Tell her the way you feel about her. One last thing you need to do to show her you actually do mean it. 21. Open doors for her, walk her to her car- it makes her feel protected, plus it never hurts to act like a gentleman. 22. Tell her she's your everything - ONLY if you mean it. 23. If it seems like there is something wrong, ask her- if she denies something being wrong, it means SHE DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT- so just hug her 24. Make her feel loved. 25. Kiss her in front of OTHER girls you know WE MIGHT DENY IT BUT WE ACTUALLY LIKE AND KINDA WANT YOU TO TICKLE US 26. DON'T lie to her 27. DON'T cheat on her !!! 28. Take her ANYWHERE she wants 29. Text messege or call her in the morning and tell her have a good day at work {or school}, and how much you MISS her. 30. Be there for her when ever she needs you, & even when she doesn't need you, just be there so she'll know that she can ALWAYS count on you. ARE YOU STILL READING THIS? YOU BETTER BECAUSE, IT'S IMPORTANT 31. Hold her close when she's cold so she can hold YOU too. 32. When you are ALONE hold her close and kiss her. 33. Kiss her on the CHEEK; (it will give her the hint that you want to kiss her). 34. While in the movies, put your arm around her and then she will automatically put her head on your shoulder, then lean in and tilt her chin up and kiss her LIGHTLY. 35. Dont EVER tell her to leave even jokingly or act like you're mad. If shes upset, comfort her REMEMBER ALL THESE THINGS WHEN YOU ARE WITH HER NEXT 36. When people DISS her, stand up for her. 37. Look deep into her EYES and tell her you love her. IF YOU MEAN IT 38. Lay down under the STARS and put her head on your chest so you can cuddle 39. When walking next to each other grab her HAND. 40. When you hug her HOLD her in your arms as long as possible MAKE SURE SHE KNOWS SHES LOVED 41. Call or text her EVERY night to wish her SWEET DREAMS 42. COMFORT her when she cries and wipe away her tears. 43. Take her for LONG walks at night. 44. ALWAYS Remind her how much you love her. 45.sit on top of her and tell her how much u love her and then bend down to her face and kiss her while sitting on her.

fallen marine

On Wed, 31 Oct 2007 15:18:30 -0600, LTCOL Charles Revie USA ret > > forwarded > > > > > > > > *BALTIMORE - A federal jury on Wednesday awarded the father of a > > fallen Marine $2.9 million after finding an anti-gay Kansas church and > > three of its leaders liable for invasion of privacy and intent to > > inflict emotional distress for picketing the funeral of a fallen Marine.* > > > > Albert Snyder of York, Pa., sued the Westboro Baptist Church for > > unspecified monetary damages after members staged a demonstration at the > > March 2006 funeral of his son, Lance Cpl. Matthew Snyder, who was killed > > in Iraq. > > > > Church members routinely picket funerals of military personnel killed in > > Iraq and Afghanistan, carrying signs such as "Thank God for dead > > soldiers" and "God hates fags." > > > > A number of states have passed laws regarding funeral protests, and Congress has passed a law prohibiting such protests at federal cemeteries, but the Maryland lawsuit is believed to be the first filed by the family of a fallen serviceman. America is not at war. The military is at war. America is at the mall. Congress is out of touch. We voted change in 2006, Vote for change in 2008!

saving a friend

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd." I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. " They really should get lives. " He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday! " He just laughed and handed me half the books. Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends.. When we were seniors we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous! Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!" He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. " Thanks," he said. As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends... I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story." I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable." I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth. Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life. For better or for worse. God puts us all in each others lives to impact one another in some way. Look for God in others. You now have two choices, you can: 1) Pass this on to your friends or 2) Delete it and act like it didn't touch your heart. As you can see, I took choice number 1. "Friends are angels who lift us to our feet when our wings have trouble remembering how to fly." There is no beginning or end.. Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care. Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends. WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER, YOU'RE REQUESTED TO SEND IT TO AT LEAST 10 PEOPLE, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU.

nsfw

20 Ways To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity 1. At Lunch Time, Sit In Your Parked Car With Sunglasses on and point a Hair Dryer At Passing Cars. See If They Slow Down. 2. Page Yourself Over The Intercom. Don't Disguise Your Voice. 3. Every Time Someone Asks You To Do Something, ask If They Want Fries with that. 4. Put Your Garbage Can On Your Desk And Label it 'In'. 5. Put Decaf In The Coffee Maker For 3 Weeks Once Everyone has Gotten Over Their Caffeine Addictions, Switch to Espresso. 6. In The Memo Field Of All Your Checks, Write ' For Smuggling Diamonds'. 7. Finish All Your sentences with 'In Accordance With The Prophecy'. 8. Don't use any punctuation. 9. As Often As Possible, Skip Rather Than Walk. 10. Order a Diet Water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face. 11. Specify That Your Drive-through Order Is 'To Go'. 12. Sing Along At The Opera. 13. Go To A Poetry Recital. And Ask Why The Poems Don't Rhyme? 14. Put Mosquito Netting Around Your Work Area and Play tropical Sounds All Day. 15. Five Days In Advance, Tell Your Friends You Can't Attend Their Party Because You're Not In the Mood. 16. Have Your Co-workers Address You By Your Wrestling Name, Rock Bottom. 17. When The Money Comes Out The ATM, Scream 'I Won! I Won!' 18. When Leaving The Zoo, Start Running Towards The Parking lot, Yelling 'Run For Your Lives! They're Loose!' 19. Tell Your Children Over Dinner, 'Due To The Economy, We Are Going To Have To Let One Of You Go.' 20. And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity .. Send This E-mail To Someone To Make Them Smile. Its Called ... therapy.

autism

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