PoLL's blog: "MINE!!"

A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table: "To My Dear Wife You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18-year-old Secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset, I shall be back home before midnight." When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table: "To My Dear Husband I received your letter and i thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old. As you know, I am a Maths Teacher at our local College. I would like to inform you that while you read this letter, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the Assistant Tennis Coach. He is young, virile, and like your Secretary, is also 18 years old. As a successful businessman with an excellent knowledge of maths you will understand that we are in the same situation - although with one small difference: 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."

In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber. "I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces. "The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.." The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?" The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain." The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked. A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, "Why is the male brain so much more?" The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they've actually been used." SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH And to men th at can handle it!.

A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher Insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," ... she was Aways reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use big people words! She then asked Mitchell what he had done, "I took a ride on a choo-choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use ' Big People' words." She then asked little Alec what he had done. "I read a book," he replied "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" [I love this] Alec thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest with greatpride, and said Winnie the SHIT!"

For years and years they told me, Be careful of your breasts. Don't ever squeeze or bruise them. And give them monthly tests. So I heeded all their warnings, And protected them by law. Guarded them very carefully, And I always wore my bra. After 30 years of astute care, My gyno, Dr. Pruitt, Said I should get a Mammogram. "O.K," I said, "let's do it." "Stand up here real close" she said, (She got my boob in line), And tell me when it hurts," she said, "Ah yes! Right there, that's fine." She stepped upon a pedal, I could not believe my eyes, A plastic plate came slamming down, My hooter's in a vice! My skin was stretched and mangled, From underneath my chin. My poor boob was being squashed, To Swedish Pancake thin. Excruciating pain I felt, Within it's vise-like grip. A prisoner in this vicious thing, My poor defenseless tit! "Take a deep breath" she said, Who does she think she's kidding? My chest is mashed in her machine, And woozy I am getting. "There, that's good," I heard her say, (The room was slowly swaying.) "Now, let's have a go at the other one.” “Have mercy”, I was praying. It squeezed me from both up and down. It squeezed me from both sides. I'll bet SHE'S never had this done, To HER tender little hide. Next time that they make me do this, I will request a blindfold. I have no wish to see again, My knockers getting steamrolled. If I had no problem when I came in, I surely have one now. If there had been a cyst in there, It would have gone "ker-pow!" This machine was created by a man, Of this, I have no doubt. I'd like to stick his balls in there, And see how THEY come out!