DarkPhoenix8512's blog: "Memorable Moments"

One for the Ladies/and a few men with a good sense of humor One for the ladies One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat- shirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, " University of Oklahoma " And they say blondes are dumb... ----------------------------------------------------- A couple is lying in bed. The man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." The woman replies, "I'll miss you..." ----------------------------------------------------- "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied. ----------------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A: A rumor ----------------------------------------------------- A man and his wife, now in their 60's, were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary. On their special day a good fairy came to them and said that because they had been so good that each one of them could have one wish. The wife wished for a trip around the world with her husband. Whoosh! Immediately she had airline/cruise tickets in her hands. The man wished for a female companion 30 years younger... Whoosh...immediately he turned ninety!!! Gotta love that fairy! ----------------------------------------------------- This is so me..... Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat him to death. AMEN ----------------------------------------------------- Q: Why do little boys whine? A: They are practicing to be men. ----------------------------------------------------- Q: What do you call a handcuffed man? A: Trustworthy. ----------------------------------------------------- Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough. ----------------------------------------------------- Q: Why do men whistle when they are sitting on the toilet? A: It helps them remember which end they need to wipe. ----------------------------------------------------- Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals"

Memorable Scenes from "Transformers" In no particular order: [Ratchett has run into some power lines, suffered a shock, and collapsed on a Green House] Ratchett: Wow! That was tingly! [tries to get up, strains] Ratchett: You got to try that! Ironhide: [sarcastically] Yeah, that looks fun. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Sam Witwicky: You can't put girl jewellery on a boy dog. He's got enough self esteem issues being a Chihuahua. Judy Witwicky: That's his bling! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Ironhide: Why are we fighting to save the humans? They're a primitive, violent race. Optimus Prime: Were we so different? They're a young species. They have much to learn. But I've seen goodness in them. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. You all know there's only one way to end this war. We must destroy the cube. If all else fails, I will unite it with the spark in my chest. Ratchett: That's suicide. The cube is raw power. It could destroy you both. Optimus Prime: A necessary sacrifice to bring peace to this planet. We cannot let the humans pay for our mistakes. It's been an honor serving with you all. Autobots, ROLL OUT! Jazz: WE ROLLIN'! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Ironhide: You have a rodent infestation. Sam Witwicky: A what? Ironhide: [aiming cannons at Mojo] Shall I terminate? Sam Witwicky: No! No! This is a chihuahua. We love chihuahuas. Ironhide: He's leaked lubricants all over my foot! Hmmph! Sam Witwicky: He peed on you? Bad Mojo! Bad! Ironhide: Bad Mojo! Ugh, my foot's gonna rust... *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Agent Simmons: Mean little sucker, huh. Maggie Madsen: That thing is freaky! Agent Simmons: Kinda like the iddy biddy energizer bunny from hell! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Sam Witwicky: I want my car, my parents. Maybe you should write that down. Oh and her juvie record. That's gotta be gone. Like: forever. Mikaela: Thank you. Agent Simmons: [deep sigh] The man's an extortionist. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~~* Sam Witwicky: No, you said that cars pick their driver. Bobby Bolivia: Yeah, well sometimes they pick a driver with a cheap ass father. Now get out the car! *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* [last lines] Optimus Prime: With the All Spark gone, we cannot return life to our planet. And fate has yielded its reward: a new world to call home. We live among its people now, hiding in plain sight, but watching over them in secret, waiting, protecting. I have witnessed their capacity for courage, and though we are worlds apart, like us, there's more to them than meets the eye. I am Optimus Prime, and I send this message to any surviving Autobots taking refuge among the stars: we are here, we are waiting. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Ratchett: [scanning Sam's body] The boy's pheromone levels suggest he wants to mate with the female. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Sam Witwicky: [to Frenzy] Not so tough without your head, are ya? [kicks Frenzy's head] *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Sam Witwicky: [to Mikaela when she doesn't want to get back in Bumblebee] Fifty years from now, when you're looking back at your life, don't you want to be able to say you had the guts to get in the car? *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* [Bumblebee is driving Sam and Mikaela through a tunnel] Mikaela: This car's a pretty good driver. Sam Witwicky: Yeah. [looks at the empty driver's seat] Sam Witwicky: Why don't you go sit on that seat there? Mikaela: I'm not gonna sit on that seat. He's driving. Sam Witwicky: Yeah. You're right. You know, maybe you should sit on my lap. Mikaela: Why? Sam Witwicky: Well, I have the only seat belt here. Safety first. [Mikaela pauses] Mikaela: Yeah. Right. [Mikaela moves from the back seat to where Sam is sitting] Sam Witwicky: See? That's better. Mikaela: You know, that seat belt thing was a pretty smooth move. Sam Witwicky: Thank you. Mikaela: You know what I don't understand? Sam Witwicky: Hmm? Mikaela: Why, if he's supposed to be like this super-advanced robot, does he transform back into this piece of crap Camaro? [Bumblebee hits the brakes and stops in the middle of the tunnel. Sam and Mikaela step out] Sam Witwicky: Oh, see, no. That doesn't work. [Bumblebee turns around and speeds away] Sam Witwicky: Great. Now... see? Fantastic. Now you pissed him off! That car is sensitive. I mean, $4,000 just drove off! [Bumblebee balances on his right wheels as he passes by other cars. He passes by a 2009 Camaro and reformats himself to that form before returning to Sam and Mikaela to the tune of 'Battle Without Honor or Humanity' by Tomoyasu Hotei] Sam Witwicky: What? [Sam and Mikaela step inside, and Bumblebee rolls out]