Pure Prism's blog: "Meandering Thoughts"

THIS IS A NONPARTISAN JOKE THAT CAN BE ENJOYED BY BOTH PARTIES! NOT ONLY THAT-- it is POLITICALLY CORRECT!! While walking down the street one day A US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies. His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance. 'Welcome to heaven,' says St. Peter. 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you.' 'No problem, just let me in,' says the man. 'Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.' 'Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,' says the senator. 'I'm sorry, but we have our rules.' And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him. Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people. They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne. Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go. Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises... The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him. 'Now it's time to visit heaven.' So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns. 'Well, then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity.' The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: 'Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.' So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage. He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above. The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. 'I don't understand,' stammers the senator. 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?' The devil looks at him, smiles and says, 'Yesterday we were campaigning.....Today you voted.'

Well, my Grandma's funeral is in about an hour and a half. I found out this Sunday morning that she was ill and in the hospital. For some reason I felt I needed to go to her side immediately. So, I booked a flight and got to the hospital in LA by about 8:30 pm that night. Most of my family had been there and some were still by her side. It was hard to see her so fragile. She was the strength of the family, to me. She died at around 7:00 am the next morning. As much as I would like to be there with my family right now, I needed to be here taking care of my responsibilities. My children, my job and my husband's and my health all need to come first. I know that Grandma would agree with me and is ok with the fact that although I may not be there in person, my love is. Ever since I found out she was dying, all I can think of are the wonderful memories I have of her. It seems amusing to me that there are so many little things that one remembers. I have always associated the smell of Ivory soap with her. I will remember the many wonderful years that the entire family met in Sacramento for the Annual Memorial Day Weekend Jazz Festival. I find it very fitting that she died on Memorial Day. Those memories will be that much stronger for me. Our family would all meet then and for Thanksgiving.....sort of our way of keeping a strong family bond. At least twice a year. It is quite the sight to see the entire family come together for any event. It would seem, that, no matter what was going on in our individual lives, we would put it aside to enjoy being with one another. My Grandma would always be there to listen if I needed an ear or she would ever so subtly advise and guide me if that is what I needed, even if I didn't know it at the time. She was the one person I aspired to be like. She was loving, kind and understanding. I remember watching documentaries with her and Pop. I also played on her piano (not well, I might add) and listened to classical albums with her. My daughter was wearing a vest that Grandma made many years ago, yesterday. I was immediately thrust back in time to when I was sitting next to her as she made it. Watching her knit and crochet was a great joy of mine growing up. Her love of books and history never ceased to amaze me. There is the memory of going through the Holocaust Museum with her, she was so patient with all my questions. One great time I have close to my heart is when we all met in NY July of 1986. We saw many Broadway shows (to this day, some of my favorites), the unveiling of the Statue of Liberty and many other sights that most people only dream of. I will always remember the trips she would make around the world, whether it be China, Greece or Israel. I still have some of the postcards she sent. She inspired my collection of coins and dollars from other countries, and of course the family collection of paperweights. Every time I look around my house I notice that there are pieces of her influence everywhere. I am jotting down these few memories to give a small inkling of how much this woman meant/means to me. I love you Grandma, and yes, I already miss you. I know that you are still here with me, in my heart and in my memories. No one can ever forget as wonderful of a person as you were. You are my strength.

This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine. Dear Diary, For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. MONDAY: Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blonde hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!! TUESDAY: I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me. WEDNESDAY: The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning!!! And when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair monster. Why the Hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other shit too. THURSDAY: Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny bitch to find me. Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. FRIDAY: I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world, stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader! If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damned barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the choir director? SATURDAY: Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner. However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. SUNDAY: I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little shit) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!!

A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong e-mail address... A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send a e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: October 16, 2004 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send E-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. PS. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!