crazyluv4mcr's blog: "MCR stuff"

".... and You Lied" Inside this frantic, chaotic dream, i scream. Inside this box of darkness, i cry, choking, lost, alone. Can you feel it? Silent screams slambing into your mortality? Decaying hope whithers in my hands. I can't speak, I don't want to think, and picture you. Memories have become my demonds. Clawing retched creatures that bite into my brain, numbing my will to be rational. What made me believe a masochist and a distruction junkie could be forever? My crime, my stupidity, was only to believe you when you captured me. It shocked me to awake from a sleep that reluctantly stole me, to find the world still alive, it survived mine dying. It survived my tragity and so did you. You breath without holding me, you love without me. This catches in my throat when i'm helpless to stop it. Then i'm surounded by a madness that enslaves me to want you. I don't know when i'll be alright. I just know that deep in the night when i close my eyes, your mouth, your voice stays to steal my will. I long to whisper to you in the darkness,"please, don't forget me.please love me like you promised." Only what i really need is to forget you. I would tell you "sorry" for the fact that your eyes are seeing these words, these feelings that you could care less about. I would tell you "sorry" for any trouble that my insanety may cause, but really you have broken me, i am worped and tortured by you and you aren't even close by. So, i would tell you "sorry" for interupting your day but i won't because i don't give a FUCK if i've bothered you, i don't give a FUCK if i've caused you any trouble!It doesn't come close to what you've done to me.and i need you to know that i'll smile through these acid tears untill the day that i don't give a FUCK about you!

"Haunted I Fall" Lost in a maze of hiding in my head.. Killing the lies that drip from my lips Slip into my dream and watch as i fall naked my mind screams for a reason taste the blood that comes from inside its an illusion that breaks your hope in two never wanting more than real bliss only finding wounds that taunt me I walk in my lonelyness and imbrace its cruelty as i fight for my breath from a memory. life it kicks you till you break and laughs when you fall stricken in my silece ill scream for you and love never stays

I got my TBP LE book signed! :D My concert! Well, MCRs concert! BUT MY FUCKIN CONCERT!!!THE BEST FUCKIN NIGHT OF MY LIFE! It all started at 7:45 AM I Got to the bus station, YEP the greyhound bus station! I had a few rmy members (MCRmy) that were gonna give me a ride. But they fell through, except one, that I didnt know about til i got to the concert! I could have road with them, but she didnt know i needed to and i didnt know she was going to be in my town! Ahhh well, thats my luck. I got there, thats all that counts! It was a two hour ride on the bus. I mostly just listened to my MP3 player on the way and laid the seat back trying not to sing outloud lmao I get there and grab a cab to the venue. I walk up to the line which is shorter than I expected, but still it is only 10 am! I met a few friends and let one girl listen to my mp3 player for a few songs. She asked me if I love them? I said HELL YEA> She said thats good, you should. HAHA AWSOME. MCR fans are so much alike, its scary at times! We talked, we laughed, we walked to the bathroom together and stuff, DE, a friend there, ordered pizza and we ate most of it, what was left we gave away. Finally time for the concert. The doors open and the crowd erupted in screams! We filed in. Allot were pushing and the had to stop us and say to quit pushing. They did. And they let us through. They made me take everything from my pockets and they kept my perfume. WTF? but it was cool.. it was just perfume lmao They kept one girls CIGS! I think the venue was just taking shit they wanted to keep.. the individual people wanted to keep! OH FUCKIN WELL, What can you do? I sit with Dee and her people lmao We got chairs right to the left of the stage. Well, left if you are ON the stage! (Im weird) Anyways. Finally after an agonizing amount of time the light cut off and Muse takes the stage. They were ok. It was fine I guess. I kept my fingers over my ears tho their entire set, But i could still hear it, I just didnt want to loose my hearing before MCR were on! but Muse was cool. I didnt stand either. I was waiting for MCR there too. Finally Muse was through and I clapped and screamed, cause well, that means MCR ARE NEXT!! LMFAO Gerard was on the gurney singing THE END> Holy fuck it was awesome. He ripped the gown off and there we go.. i was entranced! most of you know the way it goes. Youve either been or seen the fan vids lmao. One time the loud gun like sound scared the shit out of me. Everyone around me was laughing. But I was standing the whole time singing every word. Waving my hands! and when the piro blew the first time on mama. It was so hot but so damn cool! Gerard , at one point told the crowd that violence was no way to solve problems and to talk to someone and get help. (Not in those exact words, but anyways) I felt ecstatic that they care so much for the fans. It made me well up then too. Someone even managed to get a green boa onstage and Gerard danced with it a few minutes! I saw the girl that brought it. She got there a little while after me. I remember one point when Frank was lying on the ground singing into the mic, cause the mic stand was lying on the ground too! I am so not good with detail! SO SORRY! They went through the whole TBP .. and they played HEAVEN HELP US! Yes! I love all the b-sides. That song is so great live!! HOLY SHIT!! Ray was playing his ass of ass usual just like frank. And I still felt sorry for bob, I mean THAT SHIT WAS HOT WHERE I WAS! So as close as he was . it had to be an inferno!! Gerard strutted and shook his ass a few times. It was just awesome. It seemed maybe he was a little distracted by something. But it doesnt matter one bit they are the best band in the world and that was just the best damn thing I have ever see, or will.. i bet! Then Helena. The last song.. I knew that was it and I couldnt help but cry. It was over . And the realization got me good. I was crying then. Gerard said thank you and they left the stage. The lights finally came up. People cleared out and it was time for us to go to the section for the meet n greet. We get there and a few min later the guys start to come in. First, Frank, then ray , then Gerard, and finally Bob. They sat at the table and doodled on it. I finally got my turn and Ray was first. I tried to hold out my hand but i was so nervous that the book i had was in the way a sec but it was cool, he shook my hand and I said Im Holly. I told him that we have the same Birthday, Im just a little older than him. he said aww that cool. I told him that on my myspace I get happy birthday ray and me! Which happens every year lmao He said aww, that he would say happy birthday to Holly on his myspace! I said cool!.. i was thinking.. RAY! you dont have a myspace!! Hes so silly! But i couldnt say it, my tongue refused to cooperate. DAMN IT! but it was still sweet that he said it. Next was frank. He looked up at me strait into my eyes! FUCK.. i almost couldnt speak but I forced it and I told him my name. I pointed to the table he was drawing on and said" I so want this table!" He laughed and asked if i had a truck, just load up the table and take it home!" Fuck that was so cute!! lmao and I also asked for a autograph for my friend in Argentina, YEKITH. he said sure! YAY! Then i said I was told to give this to you. And i slid the CD I made to him. He said THANKS! I thought about explaining it to him but then bob was holding out his hand and i felt i was being rude trying to talk to frank cause i wanted to explain it, but I went to Bob anyway. I LOVE BOB TOO! I just had no idea how to say what I wanted to! My mind was reeling so much a million things spinning through there and I couldnt grip one! FUCK!! why do I have to be so crazed??? All I said to bob was Hi Im Holly. DAMN my mind couldnt make my mouth say anything else. I wasnt to say something about the piro, the fire that he sits in between onstage! But i just couldnt get it out! Next was Gerard. He held out his hand and I said Hi Im holly and he stopped drawin on the table. And I said yes, I really do want that table! He shrugged and said we always do that, at every show. he signed my book and I was about to tell him how great the show was and how much I love the band. But he looked up into my eyes. And my mind crashed. I went blank totally blank! I think I was stuck. I couldnt say a word! DAMN it again. I Hate myself for that! So no one was pushing me out so i stepped behind Dee who was last in line and I said FRANKIE Frank didnt look up, so I said, I mean FRANK. he looked up, damn right in the eyes! again. Do they not know that that is awesome but at the same time it knocks the breath from you? Do they not know that?? GHHHHHHHHAAAAA anyway, I explained that the CD was in HTML format and it opens like a web page only all the files are there. I said I hope it works in your computer. He said will it work in a MAC? I said. SHIT, Im not that good, I dont know. He said theyd figure it out. He said hed let me know if it worked. I said well, my email is on there but if he emailed me I probably wouldnt believe it was him. Anyways.. NO he won't email me.. so dont ask if he did lmfao.. we stood up for pics and I found myself standing beside Bob, so I asked for a hug and he said SURE! and I hugged him. And then OMG Gerard was right in front of me, So i forced myself to ask him the same thing and he said Awww sure! HE HUGGED ME! YAY! Then we were gonna take the rmy pic and Dee grabbed frank and he had his arm around her. I said awww thats not fair! lmfao.. It slipped!! .. he patted my shoulder .. haha hes so damn sweet!! THEN they usurer us out! HOLY FUCK!! Im still so excited.. I cant stand it!! I MET MY HEROS!!! *sigh* HOW AWSOME IS THAT!!??