Feeling forever lost and empty trying to fill that void that someone left when they decided I wasn’t enough, just wanting my life to be uncomplicated and simple, whenever I try to have that something happens to fuck it up, I m just trying to be okay, but I m really not, I m so unhappy so lost, I have put those walls back up, so I don’t feel anything for anyone, so no one can get close. I‘ve envied those that have found love, but when will it be my time to find it? Maybe there just isn’t anyone out there for me, maybe I was destined to be alone? All I want is someone to love and someone to love me back, and not to keep getting hurt, maybe its life’s vicious cycle, what is the lesson I’m supposed to be learning, I just want my heart to heal ,to be unbroken, but maybe in a way I’ll always be broken, slowly starting to give up on love, so much confusion, so much frustration, too much to deal with all at once. I just want to be okay, but I’m so scared, is there really such thing as a soul mate? Maybe the lesson is to not let anyone get close? I have too many friends and family but don’t have the thing that matters most to me, sometimes I feel like I m in a maze, too many choices to choose from, how do I know which one is the right one? So much loneliness to deal with and always feeling alone, just trying to deal with this pain of the people that have hurt me, I know time heals how all wounds, but how long will it take, it seems like I’m always trying to get over the people that hurt me, that all I get is pain from when I try to find love, is love really worth it? Happiness seems so far away and out of reach, I thought I was doing better but it seems like I’m back to square one, every time I try to be better something happens that knocks me down a peg, all I want is someone to just hold me, and maybe then things will be okay? I’m plagued by bad dreams and barely any sleep, when will I get some peace? some satisfaction? Some sign that things will be okay? I’m just trying to be honest with myself, cause right now all I got is me.
