Iron Butterfly's blog: "Life"

I get to move into my own house next week!!!!! 2 bedroom house for 275 a month. cant beat that right? I'm excited to finaly have my own place :)

on the down side, I do have to get dishes, blankets, stuff like that because i left all my old stuff at my ex's when I left. I get to start over new, which is exciting.

How this came about is, a great friend of mine is gettin married and moving away. So she talked to her landlord and he is going to let me move in since the house would be empty and I need a place for me and my daughter. She cant take her beds, so I end up with a queen size bed, my daughter a twin. I do have use of her couch and chair til she can get it so at least right off I dont have to get something. I will have to get a fridge, because she only used an apartment size fridge cause it was just her. I'll have to get one so that my ex doesnt say I'm starving my daughter or something lol. He's an ass like that and would try to use that against me. Also this summer I'll have to get the rest of the gas line ran so that I wont have to use electric space heaters for heat. But its so close now to bein spring I will have all summer to do it.

it has a big porch, good size living and dining room. Full basement. Not much of a yard, but at least my daughter can go to my parents to play in the yard while I'm at work.

I AM SO FRIGGING EXCITED.. now.. just got get my housewarming gift down here to "warm" me heheheheh :)

ok...somethin interesting happend a couple days ago at work. I was training a new hire and somehow we ended up going out that night LOL.

OK I gotta start from beginning, I know i gotta tell details lol. Cant leave you guys in the dark lmao.

I first laid eyes on this new co-worker during training back oh, i think it was on the 4th. I remember thinking... hot damn... look at those amazing eyes (reaaaally light like clear blue..cant really explain them..but gorgeous). And he caught me lookin at him a couple times I know it. I even made a point to smile so LOL. But i dont know if he really paid attention then or not.

ANYWHO fast forward. Wednesday I ended up training him to work my post during the later 1/2 of the day. He came in we got to talking. And i just made a comment more to myself than anything that I think i'm gonna go out tonight. He says "ok where we going". I told him and he's like well my truck is broke down in NJ so when ya pickin me up lol (or somethin to that extent was said basicaly). We somehow got onto the subject of sex and "helping each other out" so to speak. This was an interesint conversation I do say. We did establish that lol his words were "if we're fucking everyone else on the Hill (meaning work) is off limits". (OK no problem with that ..it would be to difficult to juggle sleeping with more than 1 co-worker. i've seen ppl try to do it LOL. I am not gettin in a triangle LMAO).

OK fast forward to us goin out that night. He is a blast. LOL Though taking a Jersey boy to a redneck bar LOL that was fun. I felt bad he felt so out of place there. But I promised him next time we'd go somewhere else so he'd feel comfortable lol.

we got into an interesting conversation though... he was like u know u told me about your ex and how he wanted to talk about you bein with another man and all all of the time. and I said yeah... he said well i'm into that thing here and there myself. I told him that that was ok because its somethin I knew up front so I was ok with it and he was like well Only if 1. i get to pick who the dude is, and 2. (he put his hand on my chest) and said as long as I'm here (patted my "heart") and no one else is. then its all good but if the other person is there and I'm not then it cant work.

SOOOO I uhm take him back to his house because we both have to work the next morning. Well damn..what a kisser i tell u (BTW, he had no problems kissing me right in the middle of the bar or anything.. so that was really cool...we kissed a couple times there)...gave me chills hehe and well we'll just say it was allll good.... or as My friend ReJeana would say "I AM HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" lmao.

I ended up training him yesterday morning at another post i was working LMAO so we had some interesting conversation again. LOL. Only thing is I was aggravating him so much by the fact he kept asking me what my plans were for the night (meaning with him). What did I want. And I have a hard time expressing what I want and kept twisting it back around to him by answering with another question LOL. you know i didnt realize i did that so much (mom says yes you dumb dumb, you piss me off all the time doing that too LOL). He says he'll be havin me telling him what I want in no time or I dont get anything LOL. I'm like dammit you dont play fair do you LOL. SOOO I need to learn to start saying exactly what I'm wanting. And be specific, cant be open ended... drives him up the wall when I leave it open to whatever. He wants me to tell him exactly to the "t" what I want and how I want it and when and all that stuff (doesnt matter if its sexual or not, he wants specificly what I want). I'm not used to doin that... so this is new territory for me... but thats a good thing.. pulls me out of my shell.

anyway we hung out a bit last night, and we're SUPPOSED to hang out tonight. So we will see where this is goin... some of the things he says I'm wondering if he has already staked claim to me and just not told me yet lol. If he has he had best tell me so I know LMAO

More on this predicament later as it develops.. :)

The fucking asshole known as my soon to be exhusband I find out has been stalking me. I went over to my friend's house the other night ( a male friend who there has never been anything between us) and he follows me and tries to start trouble with him. Tells me he knows everything I do, everyone i talk to and everywhere I go and i will never get my daughter back. Well that i knew was a lie because we've already been in front of the judge for him tryin that stupid crap.

Anywho i find out today from an "unknown source" who told my mom , that how he knows everything and everyone i've talked to is that he was shown how to access my computer and has all my conversations with my best friend and other ppl and has been watching where i go and who i email and what i talk about etc. SOOOO fucking great right? thats ok I hope he reads this if he figures out my password this time. I GOT LAWYER ASSHOLE!! :)

I have to whine and complain again... people around me are too damn happy. Everyone around me as always finding new loves, renewing old relationships and being in love, etc etc etc. BAH HUMBUG I'm tired of it. I just want to shut myself off from all of it. One more person tells me about how happy they are and they've found love and they're back to gether with their true love, or their marrying their true love ...I'm gonna smack them. I get tired of hearing it and they don't take into consideration the frame of mind I've been in with being alone on the holidays...well...being alone period... I am so damn miserable.

When you think you come across someone you could see yourself with...they backtrack on ya and dont want you after all...what the hell is it with people?

Thats it...I'm not what I thought I was i guess. No one wants a good woman that will treat them with the love,loyalty,care,passion,respect that comes with being with a good woman gets you. Maybe if I become a two timing no good slut I'll get somewhere. That seems to be what guys want anymore. I mean WTF?? Bein a good woman gets me no where anymore...So why should I even try... no one wants me in the end anyway...

I'm just venting, whining, complaining today. I hate that I'm going to be alone on New Year's. I'm gonna be the "7th" wheel so to speak amongst 3 other couples who are having a party at my best friend's house. I appreciate the invite, but I know I'm going to be sitting there absolutely miserable while they are all lovey dovey on each other (cause thats how they all are, because they have great relationships like that).

I know I shouldnt feel envious and jealous of the fact that they have this type of relationship with each other (all 3 couples do), but its so hard when I've delt with the shit end of things for so long, and now I'm off on my own and still alone like I was for so long anyway. That's what really gets to me I guess.

Wishing that a good man would come along and sweep me off my feet and treat me right instead of the way I had become accustomed to being treated. Someone who wants me for me,my personality and the awesome, giving, loving , caring, passionate and kind individual th at I am. Tired of being used, mistreated and unloved.

I try keeping my head up, but it's so hard sometimes, especialy, like i said with the 3 couples I'm spending New Year's with, to see everyone around me now so happy and I'm miserable. Why is it so hard finding a good man? I gave up looking even, and one hasnt found me either. Maybe I'm not the great woman I thought I was and everyone has told me I am. Maybe I'm just dillusional. I don't know. All I DO know is I'm lonely and tired of it.

Thanks for listen to me rant...again...

She flies in for a weekend and he is waiting for her at the airport. As she walks toward him,and he knows as she slips into his arms and her body very tight against his she feels his hardness against her stomach.She slips her hand down over and gives his ass a squeeze. They get in his car, and as he’s driving she reaches over and slides her hand along his thigh, and rubs his cock through his jeans. She feels it strain against his jeans. He spreads his legs apart a little allowing her to unzip his jeans, pulling his erection free and slipping her mouth over it, sucking gently. She cups his balls in her hand fondling them as she sucks hungrily. Finally they make it to his place. All over each other, He is so worked up. He reaches down and hooks her legs around his wais,lifting her back against he wall and slides his hand along the underside of her thigh until his fingers find the wetness gathered in the crotch of her panties. Her pussy clenches involuntarily at his touch and she maons. Smiling, he carries her to the couch,sliding his hand back towards her knee, keeping her ass raised and legs splayed he lowers himself so he can taste her. With his other hand he slips a finger into the creamy wetness and pulls the fabric aside then begins his oral assault on her lips...tentatively flicking his tongue over them, burying his nose against her clit and breathing her scent. She pushes against his face and grabs the back of his head to steady herself. Her legs become weak as he licks her pussy. She wants to spread her legs further so she can savor the exquisite sensations. Then he swings one of her legs over his shoulder and plunges his fingers into her pussy while his teeth are nibbling and pulling on her clit. She pushes against his fingers as he moves them in and out, forcing them deeper with each thrust until she is . She feels a tingling on her clit as he kisses up her stomach,she glances down and sees his dogtags are tickling her clit lightly as he moves up her stomach,she cums on his fingers from they sensation it causes, coating his hand. He moves his mouth closer to drink it in When he leans back to look at her . He picks her up and sits her on his hard cock. He leans back with her in his arms and kisses her - letting her taste herself on his tongue. Their tongues entwine, sucking and biting and savoring the flavor. Her arms find their way around him and she runs her nails lightly along his sides, across his back, pulling his hard cock tighter inside her. She works his shirt over his so she can rake her nails across his bare flesh as she gently moves up and down on his rock hard erection. He raises up and rolls her over onto her stomach then lifts her hips so she’s face-down on the couch with her ass in the air. He strokes her hips and he slides his body along her legs once more. He places his hands on her ass and spreads it apart then dives in to lick her entire slit. His tongue swirls around her ass as he pulls her open even more. She pushes back against his tongue, She moans that she wants his cock and begs him to give it to her. He pushes it deep into her hungry pussy and she savors the feel of his hardness as her hand comes up to pull her breast to her mouth. His cock swells even more and inside her. He doesn't want to give her that sweet cream yet so he rolls off of her and repositions her with her legs in the air. He runs his cock along her crotch, dipping it briefly into her pussy - just enough to tease her, but then slides it along her burning pussy slit. He presses the tip against it and with a thrust, he penetrate it. She screams out and throws her head back and adjusts to the fullness she feels. Gently he works his cock deeper and deeper into her feeling the tight constriction grip his cock and as he begins to move in and out, she matches his strokes, slamming hard against him, begging him to fuck her harder. He tosses his head back, a deep moan escape his lips, caught up in the sensations running through his body as she feels him tremble. She hears his sharp intake of breath knowing that he is going to cum. Within moments she feels his cock throb he fills her. She shudders and screams as her pussy convulses around his hot rod and she cums, mixing with his and flowing all over their bodies.

Been crossing my fingers ...i applied to the Federal Bureau of Prisons. Praying I get hired at one of the 3 prisons I applied for. almost 20,000 more a year than what I make now and I could really use it. Things are way to tight around here.

life is complicated...why?

I wish I hadsomeone who will be as good to me as I can be to them. I thought I had met that person here a while back...but they choose to take their bar hopping, lieing, mistreating ex-gf back for the upteenth time over a good woman who would care and love them more than they could ever possibly imagine and never hurt them.I understand that he still loves her, but she will never change and will only hurt him again and again. And it really hurts considering he swore he'd never take her back and only had nothing but bad things to say about her. Why is it all the good ones go for the girls that mistreat them...the bad guys go for the good girls. I dont get it. Maybe I can continue my search for the right guy for me...maybe he'll wise up before its too late and get rid of the ex and come back to me...I wish though I hadnt alowed myself to open up to him completely. I fell for him without meaning to and it really hurts.........I guess thats the bitch about life huh