SPOIL ME ROTTEN's blog: "LIfe"

I have very few close friends to me right now, because i have either pushed them away or have just plain out stop talking to them.
it has taken me plenty of time to figure out what I want in life and what makes me happy. I know what i want in life, but I don'tknow whats going to make me happy all the time.
At one point in my life I was very Happy. I had a man named Eric, he was the love of my life He made me so happy, but then he left me to go to Iraq. We would have been together for three years this past November and would have been married in May 2009.
Yes i did say would have. Unfortunatley we lost contact a few short months and gained contact back. Just in time to hear him say that he loved me with all his heart and that he always will and then the phone went dead.

My heart stopped. I didnt think anything was going to be that painful. The love of my life was no lponger in my life. he was gone.
I still think about him often and I still miss him terrible. Sometimes i wonder what my life would have been like with Eric still in it.
He was always there for me and I was always there for him, Just wish he was still here for me.
Not a day goes by that I wish he was still here. I know wishing and hopeing don't bring people back, and all you have left are the memories and the pics of us.
I will Always Love ERIC!

I went through life with my eyes blocked not wanting to see what iw as missing. Then one of my friends came to the rescue and showed me what it was like to be cared about.
He knows who he is!!! To this day he still cares about me.
I havent been able to find another guy like Eric around who makes me feel that good about myself, but thats changeing. I have a friend that makes me smile everytime I talk to him. =)
I guess you could say that i might be feeling sorry for myslef but it has to come out.
Both Eric and my friend knows/knew about my health problems and they didnt care, they me as the person I was. they loved me for me.
It's hard to want what you had back when you didnt realize you had it. I know most people think I'm just rambling on about stupid things, but to me this is my life I am putting out there.
Think what you want about me I really don't care!!

At this time I have an illness that most people know about by now because it's going on my three year mark.
I have cardiomyopathy. It deals with the heart. It's where your heart is weakened and enlarged. The E.R. Doctor and heart doctor told me if i would have waited another week week in a half. I would have been Dead.
I looked at the doctors and told them let me check myself out, both of the doctors looked at me and said no.
At that point of my life I didnt care even though I had Eric but he wasn't here to help. This happened in Feb. 2006
In August the same year I had cancer. I had gotten things taken care of and all was well, at least for me. At that same time time my grandpa had cancer and wasn't looking to good. We lost him November 15, 2006. The holidays were hard for everybody even more so for me. He always made sure I was Happy.
Then it was my turn Again. My tonsils had to come out May 21, 2008. We skipped the whole year of 2007. Nothing had gone wrong, but eric still not home.

My tonsil surgery was suppose to be a one day thing, but because of my heart problem I had to stay the night. No problems just pain all night. Nothing really Changed.
Eric was then MIA then Dead. Couldn't believe it. I knew of one accident where it was a car bombing that had hit his S.U.V he was in. Somebody dies in that accident but it wasn't Eric.
I have had other men inmylife since Eric, and still has not been the same.
Thought that maybe my friend that came to my rescue would have been somebody but it's just a friend thing with him.
He means the world to me and always will no matter where life ends up.

I was asked by a nurse that i had had when i was in the hospital to write an obit about myslef. I had asked why. It's just an exercise we sometimes do. I said Okay.
I wrote the obit handed it to the nurse. She looked at me and said you have to write something. I looked at her, took the paper and wrote this:
Amy Nicole Hettrick
Born July 23, 1986
Died on N/A
Obit Incomplete!!
She looked at me as said your the first person who ever did that, I told her I'm not dead
After everything I'd been through I wonder what my life would have been like if i didnt do that obit thing the way i did.
Like it says " Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery today is the present thats why they call it a gift."
Don't live life by someone else expectations of you or how they think your life should be.

We make mistakes of own thats what we learn from. Don't have somebody take that away. We all have regrets that we wish we never did.
We only have one life, sometimes we miss use it and then sometimes we just let things slip between our fingers. there doesnt seem to be a happy medium around anymore.
People have unrealistic expectations with everybody anymore. You never see anybody happy anymore.

You know how people say if you get off the horse to always get back on the horse? Well I got knocked off the horse big time and the horse ran off. I know must people have their own sappy story about their life and such and heres mine. When I was 19 I was diganosed with a heart diease. Something that could and still can kill me. I have had my head above water snice then. All of a sudden I get worse news a few weeks ago. The doctor had told me your liver isn't in good shape and I am afrid to tell you this but it might shut down bc of all the meds that you have been takeing. I was shocked when I heard this news. I mean I am 21 yrs old and I have two major organs in my body shutting down on me. My grandmother would say that I am just feeling sorry for myself and that I need to cheer up. Well With a life like I have lived for the past two years how can I have a positive out look on life. Then to top everything else off, two months after i got told about my heart condition, I was told that my grandps was striken with cancer. I mean some cancers you can fight. I watched my grandfather die in that hospital bed for 8 months. His pain had finally ended Novenber 16, 2006. I never knew how bad it hurt to lose someone you were so close too, but after that I did. after about an hour into the funeral I started to blame myself for his death and how I wish I could have prevented it somehow and how I would give anything to have him back. but like always it wasn't answered. I didn't think I could have gone on with my life, nad after that I had failed two of my college courses and was considering about not going back. But I had looked to the future and thought maybe things would get better. So I went back to college this semester and am doing fairly well with them. I just don't know what direction to go and what to do with my life. people say not to give up but when I think of it myself, I gave up along time ago.