StormieBlueRose's blog: "Kids are Quick"

This is why women should not take men shopping against their will.

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and
preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, my wife is like
most women - she loved to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local
Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Gilbert
Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been
forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr.
Gilbert are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance
cameras .

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's
carts when they weren't looking..

2.. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute
intervals..

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom..

4 July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,
'Code 3 in Housewares... Get on it right away.'

5.. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's
on layaway.

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets
from the bedding department.....

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying
and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a
mirror while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he
asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming
the ' Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look'
by using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through
yelled, 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he
assumed a fetal position and screamed, 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
And last, but not least...

15... October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited
awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!'
Sincerely,
Wal-Mart


This is way too funny NOT to share!

http://wwhttp://www.fubar.com/user/2758954

WATCH OUT FOR THIS JERK IF HE DONT LIKE U TELLING HIM TO LEAVE U ALONE U ARE NOT HERE TO CAM OR CYBER HE WILL CALL U A WHORE AND BITCH AND SLUT AND THINGS LIKE THAT CAUSE HE IS NOT A MAN A REAL MAN WOULD NOT TALK TO WOMEN LIKE THAT

Don't tell me your age; you'd probably lie anyway-but the Hershey Man will know!
 
YOUR AGE BY CHOCOLATE MATH

This is pretty neat.

DON'T CHEAT BY SCROLLING DOWN FIRST!
It takes less than a minute .
Work this out as you read ..
Be sure you don't read the bottom until you've worked it out!
This is not one of those waste of time things, it's fun.


1. First of all, pick the number of times a week that you would like to have chocolate (more than once but less than 10)


2. Multiply this number by 2 (just to be bold)

3. Add 5

4. Multiply it by 50 -- I'll wait while you get the calculator


5. If you have already had your birthday this year add 1759 ..
If you haven't, add 1758.

6.. Now subtract the four digit year that you were born.

 
 
You should have a three digit number

The first digit of this was your original number
(I.e., how many times you want to have chocolate each week).




The next two numbers are

 
 
YOUR AGE! (Oh YES, it is!!!!!)


THIS IS THE ONLY YEAR (2009) IT WILL EVER WORK, SO SPREAD IT AROUND WHILE IT LASTS.
Chocolate
Calculator.

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In the state of Rhode Island, 16-year-olds legally can't operate a power saw or pump gas, but they can thrust their privates and shake their bits for greasy skeezers in a strip club! They can drop it for a tip as long as they get a work permit and are home by 11:30pm on a school night. So in Rhode Island, you can either get a summer job flipping burgers or flipping your ass cheeks! Sounds reasonable to me.

The authorities found out about the loophole when they were investigating a 16-year-old runaway who got a job at Cheaters strip club in Providence. They couldn't throw the owner in the clink, because there is currently no state law banning minors from getting nekkid to Motley Crue songs for money. There is a law which states that anybody who employs a person under the age of 18 for prostitution whoring or any other lewd or indecent act can be thrown in prison. Apparently, the term "lewd or indecent" is completely subjective (meaning it depends how fugly the stripper is), so it doesn't prevent girls from stripping.

Officials are currently working overtime to get a new ordinance on the books which will make it illegal for youngins to work the pole stroll.

If you just saw a bolt of lightning outside of your window, don't fret! A storm isn't coming! That was just R. Kelly sprinting towards Rhode Island.