Army Cowboy's blog: "just for fun"

I pulled in to the station just as she gave a final gulp of breath while shutting off from thirst. I gave a small smirk as I reached in my pocket and fingered the twenty dollar bill crumpled there. I knew this would be a very enjoyable stop. I slowly undo the latch letting out a damp puff of air as it opens, revealing the dark, wet hole. My hand goes for the nozzle, ripping it forcefully from the stand, jerking it ever so hungrily. Slowly, ever so slowly, I slide into the hole. I constricted my grip around the handle. I feel it start to come. Yellowish, clear liquid with a very potent stench flows through the nozzle and gushes into the tank. She sort of settles into place as the liquid slowly fills her tank. And just as it really started to begin, it ends. I pull out, fresh juice still dripping from the end. The hatch to the tank slides closed ever so smooth, and I pay the $20. I can't wait until next time; > > > > > > > > > > > I have to fill my car with gas. I KNOW WHAT YOU WERE THINKIN SICKO......LOL....HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!

A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then he saw an envelope, propped up prominently on the pillow that was addressed to "Dad." With the worst premonition he opened the envelope with trembling hands and read the letter. Dear Dad: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with mom and you. I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, tight motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is much older than I am. But it's not only the passion...Dad…..she's pregnant. Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the meantime we will pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it. Don't worry Dad. I'm 15 and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to visit so that you can get to know your grandchildren. Love, Your Son John PS. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than a bad report card (it’s in my center desk drawer). I love you. Call me when it's safe to come home.

During one of her daily classes, a teacher, trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question: "Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?" Michael said, "Just a minute I have to go pee." The teacher responded by saying, "That would be rude and impolite. What about you Peter, how would you say it?" Peter said, "I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back." "That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?" "I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get to meet after dinner." The teacher fainted.

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kngdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first. The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden. Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: "What a woman really wants," she answered..."is to be in charge of her own life." Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the neighboring monarch granted Arthur his freedom, and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened The beauty replied, that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night? Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments? What would YOU do? What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below. OKAY? Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. . Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. Now....what is the moral to this story? Scroll down + + + + + + + + + + + + + + The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly.

A cowboy, who is visiting Wyoming from Texas, walks into a bar and orders three mugs of Bud. He sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches and tells the cowboy, "You know, a mug goes flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time." The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Arizona, the other is in Colorado. When we all left our home in Texas, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I'm drinking one beer for each of my brothers and one for myself." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and only orders two mugs. All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss." The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns in his eyes and he laughs."Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains, "it's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and I had to quit drinking." "Hasn't affected my brothers though." Smile,, It' makes people wonder what you up too. :)

This was written by a guy... it's pretty damn smart. Girls -- Please have a sense of humor! I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her. Alright girls. Repost this if you agree. Hell even if you disagree, repost it. Men, repost this because you have balls.

A United States Marine was attending some college courses between >> assignments. He had completed missions in Iraq and Afghanistan. One of >> the courses had a professor who was a vowed atheist and a member of >> the ACLU. >> >> >> One day the professor shocked the class when he came in. He looked to >> the ceiling and flatly stated, "God, if you are real, then I want you >> to knock me off this platform. I'll give you exactly 15 minutes." >> >> >> >> The lecture room fell silent. You could hear a pin drop. Ten minutes >> went by and the professor proclaimed, "Here I am God. I'm still >> waiting." It got down to the last couple of minutes when the Marine >> got out of his Chair, went up to the professor, and cold-cocked him; >> knocking him off the platform. The professor was out cold. >> >> >> >> The Marine went b ack to his seat and sat there, silently. The other >> students were shocked and stunned and sat there looking on in silence. >> The professor eventually came to, noticeably shaken, looked at the >> Marine and asked, "What the hell is the matter with you? Why did you >> do that?" The Marine calmly replied, "God was too busy today >> protecting America's soldiers who are protecting your right to say >> stupid shit and act like an asshole. So, He sent me."

1. Your Name: 2. Age: 3. Favorite position (s) ? 4. Do you think i'm hot? 5. Would you have sex with me? 6. lights on or off? 7. Would you have to be drunk? 8. Would you take a shower with me? 9. Have you ever thought about having sex with me? 10. Would you leave after or stay the night? 11. Do you like cuddling afterwards? 12. Condom or skin? 13. Do you give Oral pleasures? 14. Do you like to recieve Oral Pleasures? 15. Have sex on the first date? 16. Would you kiss me during sex? 17. Do you think I would be good in bed? 18. Three sum? 19. Anal yes/no? 20. How many times would you like to cum? 21. Would you use me as a booty call? 22. Do you like fore play? 23. What is fore play to you? 24. Can we take pictures of the act? 25.sexual ACT that you enjoy the most?: 26.have you ever used BONDAGE?: 27.do whips and CHAINS excite you?: 28.does it turn you on when your partner DRESSES up?: 29.would you ever ENGAGE in anal intercourse?: 30.what is the FREAKIEST thing you have ever done?: 31.whats more important: GIRTH or length?: 32.How do you keep your HAIR down there?: 33.What do you do to INITIATE sex?: 34.How many times a week do you JACK it?: 35.Do you like to be KINKY or play it safe?: 36.LONGEST amount of time you have ever had sex?: 37.what MUSIC, if any, do you like to 'do the deed' to?: 38.what is the most NUMBER of times you have had sex in one day?: 39.have you or would you ever participate in an ORGY?: 40.ever try a POSITION and fail?: 41.have you ever experienced a QUICKIE?: 42.do you like to be RESTRAINED?: . 43.how many times a day do you think about SEX?: 44.what is something that TURNS you on that others might find strange?: . 45.what type of UNDERWEAR do you prefer on the opposite sex?: 46.are you a VOYEUR?: 47.do you have any WEIRD fetishes?: 48.what is your favorite X-RATED film?: 49. How long do you wait before having sex? 51. When the night begins to get romantic? 52. When I'm alone and feeling a bit horny, I most likely...? 53. My ideal sex song is? 54. Watching porn with a partner is... ? 55. Sex is best when ? 56. What about S&M? 57. A threesome is... 58. As a lover, I'm a: 59. Describe your sexual experiences with your last partner: 60. Being naked is: 61. Have you ever turned the video camera on while having sex? 62. Do you communicate your needs during sex? 63. How old were you when you first had sex? 64. Have you loved everyone you've had sex with? 65. How many people have you had sex with? 66. What's your main method of birth control? 67. Have you ever had sex in a public place? 68. Have you ever had a one-night stand? 69. Have you ever watched a pornographic movie? 70. What is your favorite sexual position? 71. Have you ever had anal sex? 72. Have you ever had phone sex? 73. If you've only had oral sex, are you still a virgin? 74. How often do you masturbate? 75. Have you ever kissed two people in the same night? 76. Have you ever been naked in public? 77. Have you ever had a sexual experience with a member of the same sex? 78. Are you comfortable receiving oral sex? 79. Are you comfortable giving oral sex? 80. Are there any naked photos of you in existence?

THE WISEST MAN I EVER KNEW TAUGHT ME SOMETHING I NEVER FORGOT. AND ALTHOUGH I NEVER FORGOT IT, I NEVER QUITE MEMORIZED IT EITHER. SO WHAT IM LEFT WITH IS THE MEMORY OF HAVING LEARNED SOMETHING VERY WISE THAT I CANT QUITE REMEMBER. STIES ARE CAUSE BY WATCHING YOUR DOG SHIT. SOMETIMES A LITTLE BRAIN DAMAGE CAN HELP. WE'RE ALL FUCKED. IT HELPS TO REMEMBER THAT. I FEEL SORRY FOR HOMELESS GAY PEOPLE; THEY HAVE NO CLOSET TO COME OUT OF. IN FACT, I IMAGINE IF YOU WERE GAY AND HOMELESS, YOU,D PROBABLY BE GLAD JUST TO HAVE A CLOSET. I'VE ADOPTED A NEW LIFESTYLE THAT DOESN'T REQUIRE MY PRESENCE. IN FACT, IF I DONT WANT TO, I DONT HAVE TO GET OUT OF BED AT ALL, AND I STILL GET CREDIT FOR A FULL DAY. I CANT BEAR TO GO TO THE CHILDREN'S ZOO. I ALWAYS WONDER HOW THEIR PARENTS CAN ALLOW THEM TO BE KEPT IN THOSE LITTLE CAGES. IF YOU TAKE CORN OFF THE COB, NOT ONLY DO YOU HAVE CORN-OFF-THE-COB, YOU ALSO HAVE COBS-OUT-FROM-INSIDE-THE-CORN. WHY DO FOREIGN SOLDIERS MARCH FUNNY? DO THEY THINK WE MARCH FUNNY? IF WE DO, HOW WOULD WE KNOW? IF YOU MAIL A LETTER TO THE POST OFFICE, WHO DELIVERS IT? RARELY DOES A LOOSE WOMAN HAVE A TIGHT PUSSY. SOME SEE THE GLASS AS HALF EMPTY, SOME SEE THE GLASS AS HALF FULL. I SEE THE GLASS AS TOO BIG WHITE PEOPLE FUCKED UP THE BLUES. IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, SET THEM FREE; IF THEY COME HOME, SET THEM ON FIRE. TRY EXPLAINING HITLER TO A KID. THE STRAIGHTEST LINE BETWEEN A SHORT DISTANCE IS TWO POINTS.

A new "Husband Store" has just opened in New York City that sells husbands. When women go to choose a husband, they must follow the instructions posted at the entrance: "You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of the husbands increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any husband from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT go back down, except to exit the building!" So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the 1st floor, the sign on the door reads: "Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs." The 2nd floor sign reads: "Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids." The 3rd floor sign reads: "Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely Good Looking." "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the 4th floor and sign reads: "Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking and Help With Housework." "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: "Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Good Looking, help with Housework and Have a Strong Romantic Streak." She is so tempted to stay, but can't resist going on. She goes to the 6th floor and the sign reads: "Floor 6 - you are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store." To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a "New Wives" store just across the street. Here's what it has. The 1st floor has wives that love sex. The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money. The content of the 3rd through 6th floors are unknown, as they have never been visited