Bowchickawowow's blog: "Just a thought"

Childhood...what childhood?! Someone stole my innocence! Ripped away from me...like a piece of fabric torn only in time. To survive the pain this child must walk thru the tear and become an adult way to early. Mentors?!? They are to far, few and inbetween, to busy in their own worlds to care about mine. Look at her...Alone. Dealing with demons that confront her everyday. "Who has the answers?!" She screams on deaf ears of people who just don't understand or believe. Some say "We have done all we can!" Leaving the responsiblity once again for this child to pick up the pieces and start over again. Now lost, alone and very much afraid this tormented soul looks for love, attention, warmth, compassion, understanding, honesty... Where is it? Who has it? How do I get it? LETS DO WHAT THE IN CROWD DOES!! No, that is just acceptance, you see that now. Well then why didn't someone tell me that! Or was I not listening?! Oh great! Now it is all my fault... Am I really to blame for all this disppointment, pain and abuse in my life? Did I bring this all on myself? And if I did how can I fix it? Again... no one there. So this Tormented Soul walks thru life, bouncing from one situation to another, like a pinball in a machine. Waiting at any moment for it to tilt..GAME OVER. Now filled with self doubt, no self esteem and no self worth she walks thru this life praying and searching for something or someone to help her. Can you help me? I DON'T HAVE TIME! Can you help me? SURE! BUT IT WILL COST YOU. WHY CAN'T SOMEONE JUST LISTEN!!!!!!!! But wait ~ What is this I see?! Someone who is willing to listen! Someone who is genuinely concerned about my well being! It can't be! You don't deserve that! But wait~ There he is again. Helping me look at myself and who I want to be and what I want out of this life. And asking for nothing in return! His words are so kind and gentle...yet firm and almost punishing when need to be. Just what a child needs right?! A CHILD! THERE I AM! MY INNOCENCE IS RIGHT THERE! He helped me find it again! He helped me slay the demons that kept it from me all those years!! His eyes, his touch, his embrace his kiss they are what tells me the love he holds for me before a word is ever uttered from his beautiful lips. Now you crucify me for wanting all this! How DARE you all be that selfish! Oh I forgot, that is the way you are. You never had time for me then, why take interest in me now?! I guess in the end I did take after my Mentor's after all... To busy in my own little world to give a shit about yours... How does it feel...TORMENTED SOUL?!

Looking back.... Upon looking at my life I realize my life did not begin until I met you. Looking back... Through the deep, dark shadows of my past I have seen that no one has loved and cared about me the way you have. Looking back... I have come to the conclusion that I have made some pretty big mistakes in my life. So how did I get someone as perfect as you? Looking back... People have come and gone in my life who have taken advantage of me...but you stay constant no matter how much I give. Looking back... Over the years I wonder how I managed not feeling the way you make me feel. Looking back... Is looking to the past. And looking at my past I have come to a very key decision I do not wish to live my life in the past. I want my future with you. Forever. So my love... no more Looking Back. Wrote by: Me©