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Today, my phone rang,,,It was a local number ,,,so I answered,,,It was the High School Police Dept. My heart skipped a beat....
I have a almost 17 year old son, He is different than most kids,,,He is Autistic, He has Aspergers Autism,,He is highly intelligent but has trouble in social settings...loud noises and bright lights effect his attitude.. but thats not all!! He also has a muscle disorder,,,His doctors say he leans more to the MD (muscular dystrophy) ,,,He has trouble walking,,,balance,,,and has absolutly no reflexes ...The doctors are working on getting him a firm diagnosis but my health insurance does not pay for diagnostics so after MRIs,,,Cat scans,,EKGs and EEGs,,,,It has cost a pretty penny :) still no firm diagnosis,,,but we will get there.....
Anyways.....The officer says on the phone,,,,Tracy this is officer "NAME" your son is ok and he is not in trouble so please dont panic!! DONT PANIC???? why would I panic?? So what do I do I FREAKIN PANIC!!! He then tells me my son was in the library with some friends and they were goofing around,,,My son appparently was playin like he was going to take a guys "snack cake" and the kid got pissed and pulled a knife on him!!! I think to myself,,,WTF over a snack cake??? I cant believe it,,,I of coarse am freaking out,,,The officer assured me Colby was not hurt and my son did the right thing,,,I am proud of him for that....
I was crying at this point ,,because this was always a fear of mine because of my sons disabilities,,people push him in the hall because he cant walk straight,,or slam him into the lockers to get around him,,,,I will not be happy until I see my son after school today and he is ok,,,,I wanted to go pick him up,,,,but he said NO,,,If i miss school I wont be exempt from my exams!! My boy cracks me up,,,he will do almost anything to get out of taking a test :)
I know that nobody reads these blogs,,,but I just wanted to try and get things off my mind a little,,,,I love all my kids ,,,even though they are all three rotten to the core!!! I couldnt live without them!!
I just wish people were more tolerant,,,If people knew how much these kids with disabilities wanted to be "normal"!! My son wants so bad to earn a letterman and cant because he cannot play sports,,,I tried to get him to do a academic team but he wants to do sports!! I listen to him cry "why me" sometimes,,,It breaks my heart,,,But my boy is the STRONGEST person I have ever known!!! He is my HERO!!!
There are so many thing left unsaid,,,unfinished,,unresolved,,,SOmetimes you just want to throw in the towel,,,I can close my eyes and hear your voice in my head,,,I can see ur lips ,,,,smell your breath on my neck ,,,, feel your hands on my shoulders tightening ur grip,,,,whisper in my ears,,,,I can feel my stomach tie up in knots with anticipation,,,, I can feel the longing,,,,the aching ,,,,the desire,,,,,THEN I open my eyes and its gone,,,,
Its seems like you leave me alone for a few days and then do something to catch my attention,,,,you know that I am trying to move on,,,,but cant,,,,Every time I see you,,I lose my breath,,,,Its not fair,,,
I know that it is all my fault,,,I just couldnt help but to fall and you made it so easy,,,,You knew what u were doing to me,,,,so I will not take all the blame,,,Every day I get stronger,,,
One day I will find "HIM" ,,,my lover,,my Dom,,,my best friend,,my soul mate,,,,but I know that I do not want to be one of MANY,,,,I want to be the ONE abd ONLY!!
