wolf hoodratNYC coder DJWOLF LUNACYRADIO's blog: "July 18th"

=== 'A GOOD FRIEND  wrote

the following at '2011-09-14 10:01:33'

TODAY TO ME....................................... 

> GUESS I AM ON THE WRONG END OF THE SANDMANS LIST......MUST HAVE PISSED ON HIS PAPER OR SOMETHING...
> NOW YOU KNOW WHY I NEED CALMING........
> YOU GET THAT WAY TO???????
> FUCKING MIGRAINE THE DAY BEFORE... JUST COULDN'T KILL THAT PAIN....THEN YESTERDAY SUCH A NATURAL UP FORGOT TO EAT.....OR SLEEP......
> NOT TIRED YET..... BUT SHAKY.........
>
> WHY THESE GUYS GET CRAZY WANNA MOVE WITH ME NOT EVEN MEET........ THAT'S JUST CRAZY SHIT YA KNOW........... WOMEN DO THAT TO YOU??? WHAT IS IT I DON'T GET THAT CRAP...... SCARES ME AWAY LIKE THAT L WORD......AM I WRONG HERE????? IT HURT HIM FOR ME TO SAY HELL NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! & THAT I WOULD LEAVE PERMANENTLY IF NOT STOP THAT SHIT.........TRUTH ALWAYS NO MATER WHO'S BLOOD IS DRAWN RIGHT?????????? IT DOES HURT US TO SOME TIMES....
>
>
>        XOXOXOXOXOXOOX
>        FOR YOU MY RAIN
>        STAY SAFE BABY

No believe me- women are just as bad
they come on to me all the time, and some just say things that are definitely not right
THEN some are just normal and want to chat so I give them my yahoo and OMG!!!!!! they stalk me, and say the weirdest things- and just get very freaky
THIS IS WHY I hardly ever put up pictures and god forbid I put up any sexy pictures- I have a harmless one laying on my bed I took a picture- and just for fun I should put it up to get some extra points lool
BUT when I start to get comments from women that are just out of the ball park- I have to take my pictures down
if u notice I put up a picture and I take it down after a day cause I get harrassed!!!!!!!!!
I get girls out of the woodwork asking me why I disabled the FUMARRY and I tell them I just dont want it and they make me feel so fucking guilty

AND>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
just about every time I have to avoid or say no to these women
I FEEL GUILTY
and it just haunts me cause they make me feel like I shot their dog kind of guilt
many times I wanted to leave- but just ignore them and stay
it happens to guys too and you prob will write back and say it is because I am good looking, but when I look at your photos, I have said to myself that you're very pretty and very attractive- SOOOOO you are in the same boat
your pictures are warm and caring- u just see that you are a nice person and THAT ATTRACTS MORE PEOPLE THAN LOOKS!!!
just being NICE, women just stalk me and send I LOVE YOU notes and ask things from me like my cel number and shit and make me feel bad when I say NO
it seems just being a NICE person far outweighs the LOOKS dilemma
NICE attract more extreme people than anything else and I try to be nice to them but they are needy and energy vampires- and just suck the life out of me-
seems people suck your energy out of you and it gives you headaches, just like me cause u are a nice person

AND as a guy who was raised to protect and respect women, I can never just tell them to fuck off- I just put up with them and ignore them till they go away and that sometimes take sooo long
many say I love u and if I dont say it back they say- OH well u must hate me they reply
I so fucking hate needy women who KNOW I wont tell them to go fuck off
OR they accuse me of thinking they are ugly or "too good" for them
or whatever and I end up taking massive amounts of time feeding their ego's
damn I am gonna put this in a blog I think cause it drives people away sooo much
I dont have the heart to say fuck off or to block them
I just put up with it
but many women I know who are great friends have deleted their profiles because of this
BUT they end up coming back cause they like being here- meanwhile they lost all the achievements by quitting and rejoining
its just not fair to them at all

I have another profile and my profile picture is a picture from behind me that you can not even see my face, you just see my back AND I still get the same thing!!!!!

SO it happens to guys too
we get harassed not so much sexually but emotionally
and it is a real problem at times
and as a guy, the emotional harassment is horrible because I really dont want to be hurtful- so I am nice
BUT the women KNOW this and persist

and I fucking hate it cause I spend all this time feeding their egos
and I think they get a kick out of knowing I can't say no

they know they can manipulate me and enjoy doing so

 

so dont leave, just put up with it if you can
its fun being here and u will miss it
I draw all day and it is like company to me
when I draw I look up hundreds of times cause I draw with pencil and it causes my eyes to overwork so I look up to rest them soooo often
when I look up I see things on fubar that make me feel good
and keep me company
sometimes all I do in one day is draw morning to night
and I appreciate the company
so being here far outweighs the psychological bullshit

and finally, I have friends here that I will lose touch with if I delete my profile and leave fubar
they arent friends who would sit and talk on yahoo messenger-
they are my FU friends- I communicate in other ways like thru comments and fu-things
and especially thru art- thru leaving picture comments
and I feel a bond with them
and I will lose that if I leave and will miss them
I dont want to lose that
so I will stay- I worked hard to be at my level and worked very hard to be here
I wont give anyone the satisfaction of driving me away
I wont give up or give in
so relax, I will really miss u if you go
I will miss your messages, and your thoughts
and especially your company
and I know I wont be the only one
love
wolf
xoxox

i can not replace you in my heart

i guess that makes you irreplaceable

you're my best kept secret 

though it seems impossible 

you give me the best feeling 

you must be delectable

i can never hide my thoughts inside

to you i'm detectable

take away all reason  

its not incomprehensible

live all the brokens hearts past

i may be indestructible

but take one day with u away from me

is completely irreprehensible

loving you is my worst case scenario

totally irrefutable 

but living without you I am nothing

my only unforgettable

In reply to a friend

That poem is beautiful- you know I don't believe in the god of religion,

but I know God, I can talk directly to him and I can't believe it- but I sense everyone-

including him- Im not religious in saying this, but God never give us anything we can not handle.

We may not succeed, but we can deal with it. everything negative about life,

comes from the evil of man, or the fact our bodies and the world is not perfect.

but if not for the pain in my life I wouldnt be who I am today-

pain hardship suffering has made me strong and wise- I understand your poem,

and feel what you are going thru, so many horrible things have happened to you-

but everything has a purpose and our purpose is to accomplish

all we can to be wiser and stronger- not to excell, to excell at trying-

Ive been bloggin things I write like this 

cause I need to read my own words at times,

because I forget, and start to blame others for my burden.

We walk alone in this life-

we have friends but they appear and disappear and when we die,

our family may be there but you are ultimately alone-

Death is the last great step in life.

but is it an ordeal or a blessing

for some reason

I think its something wonderful

"My God, it's full of stars"

--space odyssey 2001

God plays God to people who evoke his name

but we have all in us the answers

we blame him for mistakes, sickness, poverty, all that is wrong

yet never give him credit for all the life around us

If I were God I would rightly be pissed off

look at the world, the diversity, the wind the rain the sun

we arent thankful for these

we figure they are just there as they have been for 6 billion years

but God never gets mad

he listens to every one of us

he always answers

but his answer may be no

don't be a fool

the choices of others inflict our pain

and just the fact we are flesh and blood you have to expect the rest

God has alot of planning to do

he has a whole universe to contend with

and if you ever pay attention to anything educational on the internet

its proven there are a many universes, many dimensions

infinities he deals with

so tonight when you get on your knees

and he kneels opposite you makes himself comfortable

smlies to be in your company

why not ask him

"what can I do for you"

"what can I help you with"

"I accept my fate, I will do my best"

"its time I lend you a hand"

you will move him

and he will smile with a tear in his eye

and as it falls it becomes a soul

yes you helped him

you reminded him

that he is human too