Jason5678's blog: "Jokes"

This is serious stuff...Beer contains female hormones! Last month, National University of Lesotho scientists released the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer. Men should take a concerned look at their beer consumption. The theory is that beer contains female hormones (hops contain phytoestrogens) and that by drinking enough beer, men turn into women. To test the theory, 100 men drank 8 pints of beer each within a 1 hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the test subjects: Argued over nothing. Refused to apologize when obviously wrong. Gained weight. Talked excessively without making sense. Became overly emotional. Couldn't drive. Failed to think rationally Had to sit down while urinating. No further testing was considered necessary.

Bob approached the clerk behind the counter in the pro shop and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and a caddie." The clerk behind the counter says, "The 18 holes of golf is no problem, but all of the caddies are out on the course. What I will do for you is this. We just got 8 brand new robot golf caddies. If you're willing to take one with you out on the course and if you will come back and tell me how well it works, your round of golf is on me today." Bob anxiously accepted the man's offer. He approached the first tee, looked at the fairway and said, "I think my driver will do the job." The robot caddie turned to the man and said, "No sir. Use your #3 wood. A driver is far too much club for this hole." Hesitantly, Bob pulled out his 3 wood, made good contact with the ball, and the ball landed about 10 feet to the right front of the hole on the green. Delighted, turned to the robot and thanked him for his assistance. As Bob pulled out his putter, he said, "I think this green is gonna break left to right." The robot then again spoke up and said, "No sir. I do believe this green will break right to left." Thinking about the last time the robot corrected his prediction, Bob decided again to listen to the machine. He made his putt and birdied the hole thanks to the robot and his advice. But his luck didn't end there. His entire game was the best game he ever played, thanks to the assistance of the new robot golf caddie. Upon returning to the clubhouse, the clerk behind the counter asked, "How was your game?" Bob excitedly stated, "It was, by far, the BEST game I ever played. Thank you very much for letting me take one of your robots. See you next week." A week passed, and excited, Bob returned to the pro shop. Upon entering the pro shop he turned to the man behind the counter and said, "I would like 18 holes of golf and one of those robot golf caddies, please." The gentleman from behind the counter turned to Bob and said, "Well, the 18 holes is no problem. However, we had to get rid of the robots. We had too many complaints." Confused, Bob cried, "COMPLAINTS? Who the hell could've complained about those robots? They were incredible!" The clerk sighed and said, "Well, Bob it wasn't their performance. It was that they were shiny silver metal, and the glare from the machine was blinding to other golfers on the fairway." Bob said, "So then why didn't you just paint them black?" The clerk nodded sadly and replied, "We did. And then four of 'em didn't show up for work, two filed for welfare, and the other two robbed the pro shop."