PeraNormal's blog: "Italian Files"

Sunday Dinner for Italians Italians have a $40,000 kitchen, but use the $259 stove from Sears in the basement to cook. There is some sort of religious statue in the hallway, living room, bedroom, front porch and backyard. The living room is filled with old wedding favors with poofy net bows and stale almonds (they are too pretty to open). A portrait of the Pope and Frank Sinatra hang in the dining room. God forbid if anyone EVER attempted to eat Chef Boy-are-dee, Franco American, Ragu, Prego or anything else in a jar or can (tomato paste is the exception). Meatballs are made with Pork, Veal and Beef. We are Italians ; we don't care about cholesterol. Turkey is served on Thanksgiving, AFTER the manicotti, gnocchi, lasagna and soup. If anyone EVER says ES-CAROLE, slap 'em in the face -- it's SHCAROLE. If they ever say ITALIAN WEDDING SOUP, let the idiot know that there is no wedding, nor is there an Italian in the soup. Also, the tiny meatballs must be made by hand. No matter how hard you know you were going to get smacked, you still came home from church after communion, you stuck half a loaf of bread in the sauce pot, snuck out a fried meatball and chowed down so you'll make up for it next week at confession. Sunday dinner was at 1:00 . The meal went like this... Table is set with everyday dishes...doesn't matter if they don't match...they're clean, What more do you want? All the utensils go on the right side of the plate and the napkin goes on the left. Put a clean kitchen towel at Nonna & Papa's plate because they won't use napkins. Homemade wine and bottles of 7up are on the table. First course, Antipasto...change plates. Next, Macaroni (Nonna called all spaghetti Macaroni)... change plates. After that, Roasted Meats, Roasted Potatoes, Over-cooked Vegetables... change plates. THEN, and only then (NEVER AT THE BEGINNING OF THE MEAL,) would you eat the salad (HOMEMADE OIL & VINEGAR DRESSING ONLY)...change plates. Next, Fruit & Nuts - in the shell (on paper plates because you ran out of the other ones). Coffee with Anisette (Espresso for Nonna, "Merican" coffee for the rest) with hard c ookies (Biscottis) to dip in the coffee. The kids go play..the men go to lay down. They slept so soundly you could do brain surgery on them without anesthesia..the women clean the kitchen. Getting screamed at by Mom or Nonna - half the sentence was English, the other half Italian.

ITALIAN MEN ONLY AN ITALIAN MAN CAN MAKE A WOMAN FEEL LIKE A WOMAN... On a recent transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. "I'm too young to die," she wails. Then she yells, "Well, if I'm going to die, I want my last minutes on earth to be memorable! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN?" For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril. They all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane. Then an Italian man stands up in the rear of the plane. He is gorgeous, tall, well built, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt..., one button at a time. .......No one moves. .......He removes his shirt. .......Muscles ripple across his chest. .......She gasps... .......and He says...... "Iron this, and get me something to eat...."

ITALIAN BOY'S CONFESSION "Bless me Father, for I have sinned. I have been with a loose girl". The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" "Yes, Father, it is." "And who was the girl you were with?" "I can't tell you, Father, I don't want to ruin her reputation." "Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?" "I cannot say." "Was it Teresa Volpe?" "I'll never tell." "Was it Nina Capelli?" "I'm sorry, but I cannot name her." "Was it Cathy Piriano?" "My lips are sealed." "Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?" "Please, Father, I cannot tell you." The priest sighs in frustration. "You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself." Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?" 4 months vacation and five good leads."

The Ten 'Mafiosi' Commandments are: 1. No one can present himself directly to another of our friends. There must be a third person to do it. 2. Never look at the wives of friends. 3. Never be seen with cops. 4. Don't go to pubs and clubs. 5. Always being available for Cosa Nostra is a duty - even if your wife's about to give birth. 6. Appointments must absolutely be respected. 7. Wives must be treated with respect. 8. When asked for any information, the answer must be the truth. 9. Money cannot be appropriated if it belongs to others or to other families. 10. People who can't be part of Cosa Nostra: anyone who has a close relative in the police, anyone with a two-timing relative in the family, anyone who behaves badly and doesn't hold to moral values.