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REDwings1977's blog: "In my mind"

created on 10/16/2012  |  http://fubar.com/in-my-mind/b350809

When I sleep I have deep dark nightmares that have haunt me from the time I was a child till now. When I wake it take a few minutes to realize that I am in reality and no longer where I was in the dream. It scares me at times because I will come out of the nightmare standing ready to defend my self. People can not touch me, not even my own kids they have to call out to me before they can approach them or I will come up swinging. I know there is alot to deal with from my past I just did not know it was this hard to deal with. To deal with my emotions is like trying to chip down the Berlin Wall.

What ran my head

The one thing I learned over the years is that has time pass' the details fade together. Also do to drug abuse and drinking I damaged my brain to the point that I can not rember 40% of my life. Just thinking posititive does not mean postitive results or ways will come, thinking in a rational way while postive ends with postitive results and ways. No matter if I go up, down, left, right, north, east, west or south I am looking and moving forward. The secrets we keep can burdon us with great wait for they are killing our hearts and coming to ruin socity in large ways. Can we has a nation come back to bring the price of things down and stop the wasteful spending. Is it so hard for us to stop hurting or killing us. Why do you really need a shoe over $50? We need to lead our kids and not them run us, grow balls or a back bone and raise your kid(s) right. Spend time with them has much has you can and not on this damn computer, or texting, or on the phone.

 Let us take back vacations and lunch from our job places, help each other where we need to. Money is the purest cruption in all of us for we want and want, and then when we get what we want we want more. Why is $10,000,000 so inportant. Yes it can buy you a good time and martieral things, it buys sex and not love. Do you realize how paranoid you get about every thing. Do you realize that you worry how to keep the bills up if you spend more than you make. Why do you really need to have what the Jones have to live. We get our self in trouble so much we lose our way. THINK ABOUT IT. 

 

                                                                RED

The Next Day

Today when I woke at 8:A.M. I thought I was in a different home than my apartment. I thought for the first few minutes that I was in a home I lived in when I was a child. I was relieved when I reliazed I was in my apartment. The home I refer to was a dangerous house for me for that is where I was sexually, psychically, and mentally abused has a child by my brother and a next door nieghbor. Nightmares haunt me to this very day.

 

 

                                                                       RED

As I sit here at 4:15 A.M. I am thinking of many things. About sleep, what I have to do today, my very state of mind. Who ever said being insane is not fun diffentily lied there ass off. It's great I get to get away with more shit then I can count. I get away with more stuff cause I can and I study people and I like to schock the hell out of them and laugh at their responce to it. For here is an example: Me " Whats up Josh?": Josh" Not much but my dick": Me "I want to bend you over and fuck you so hard that the tip of my cock come's out your mouth": Josh (Laughing) " Home Slice your fucking nut's": Me " And I have the papers to prove it". And we both have a great laugh.

Another example is I can walk up to a female friend and say; Me " I want to lick your sweet pussy till my tongue fall's off": Femal " If you could do that I would of fucked you by now": Me " We shave that shit and I will". And we have a great laugh. I am a very laid back person. I enjoy my time with family and friends and I try to make it a easy fun time.

Well this is my fisrt of many to come for my blog's.

 

                                                                                          RED

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