Fun Beth's blog: "Improve your mind, read poetry!"

I don't have a Valentine this year. Anybody want to volunteer their time and make a nice girl happy?

Think Before You Talk A guy goes to the supermarket and notices a beautiful blond woman wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, "Do you know me?" To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids." His mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says, "My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I screwed on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my butt with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my ass???" She looks into his eyes and calmly says, "No, I'm your son's math teacher...."

Woman's Poem Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. Man's Poem I pray for a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge tits, Who owns a liquor store and a golf course. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit.