lizzy2004ever2003's blog: "I'm tired of caring...."

Ok so a bad to start to Halloween. I had a horrible dream about oh let's say 3:00 this morning. I dreamed that I ran into my ex-husband and that he talked me into going back to him. It's dreams like these, that make me want so bad to see him, and ask him if he really did love me. Overall he really wasn't a bad person, and I know it wouldn't have been as bad if he hadn't been on drugs, but the fact of the matter is that he was. And the drugs made him a very mean person. Being a single mom is hard. I love my daughter to death and would do anything for her. I would give anything to find someone that loved me and my daughter, regardless of the circumstances. But it seems that I can't find a decent guy. Why is that? Am I looking in the wrong places??? My birthday is in 6 days, and I want to run away and never come back. I want to take a vacation that is never going to end. I'm tired of acting happy for everyone, when inside I can't stop crying. Is it EVER going to end? I'm tired of being strong for everyone else, I'm tired of hiding who I am and who I want to be, I'm tired of life. I wish I could kill myself, but I know I can't, because my daughter needs me. She's the only thing keeping me going. So tired..... god dammit

Have you ever been involved with someone? And it seems like overnight everything changes between you and them???? Here's the situation. I had been involved with an old friend of mine from high school. He is in the Army. He's going through a divorce, and just got deployed overseas. I found out today, that he has been talking to his ex-girlfriend. He's been finding the time to call her and get back in touch with her, but somehow he's always too busy to call me and keep in touch with me, the woman he supposedly loves and wants to marry someday. I'm tired of feeling betrayed and not feeling good enough for a decent man to love me. I've been way too sad lately, and it's killing me. I want to kill me. Is that bad?