REKT WATCHER RLFM TO DJ WICCA's blog: "hmmm"

>>> A crusty old biker out on a long summer ride in the country pulls up to >>> a >>> >>> tavern in the middle of nowhere, parks his bike and walks inside. >>> >>> As he passes thru the swingin' door s, he sees a sign hanging over the >>> >>> bar: >>> >>> COLD BEER: $2.00 >>> >>> HAMBURGER: $2..25 >>> >>> CHEESEBURGER: $2.50 >>> >>> CHICKEN SANDWICH : $3.50 >>> >>> HAND JOB: $50.00 >>> >>> Checking his wallet to be sure he has the necessary payment, >>> >>> the ole' biker walks up to the bar and beckons to >>> >>> the exceptionally attractive female bartender >>> >>> serving drinks to a couple of sun-wrinkled farmers. >>> >>> She glides down behind the bar to the ole biker. >>> >>> 'Yes?' she inquires with a wide, knowing smile, 'may I help you?' >>> >>> The ole biker leans over the bar, "I was wondering young lady," he >>> whispers, >>> >>> "are you the one who gives the hand-jobs?" >>> >>> She looks into his eyes with that wide smile and purrs "Why yes", >>> "Yes, I sure am". >>> >>> The ole' biker leans closer and into her left ear whispers softly, >>> >>> "Well, wash your hands real good, cause I want a cheeseburger".

> Just because someone doesn't love you the way you > want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with > all they have. Ralph and Edna were both patients in a > mental hospital. One day while they were walking past the > hospital swimming pool Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep > end. > > He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. > > Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the > bottom and pulled him out. When the Head Nurse Director > became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately > ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now > considered her to be mentally stable. > > When she went to tell Edna the news she said, 'Edna, > I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're > being discharged, since you were able to rationally respond > to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of the person > you love. I have concluded that your act displays sound > mindedness. > > The bad news is, Ralph hung himself in the bathroom with > his bathrobe belt right after you saved him. I am so sorry, > but he's dead.' > > Edna replied, 'He didn't hang himself, I put him > there to dry. How soon can I go home?' > > Happy Mental Health Day! > > You can do your bit by remembering to send an email to an > unstable friend... > > > Done my part!!! HA HA HA HA HA ha ha ha ha ...

The personal computer may soon be not-so-private, with the U.S. and some European nations working on laws allowing them access to search the content held on a person's hard drive. President Obama's administration is keeping unusually tight-lipped on the details, which is raising concerns among computer users and liberty activists. Almost everyone today owns a music player and a laptop. But what if the Government decided to allow itself to access these personal devices for no specific reason whatsoever? Read more In extreme secrecy from the public, the Obama administration is hammering out an international copyright treaty with several other countries and the European Union. Under the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement (ACTA), governments will get sweeping new powers to search and seize material thought to be in breach of copyright. While the Obama administration calls these secretive plans a development of “national security,” Richard Stallman, a prominent American software freedom activist, calls it a secret “war on sharing”: “Because we wouldn’t like it if we knew, they are trying to do policy laundering,” Stillman says. “Democracy gets bypassed and they can do to us whatever they want. I can only guess that it’s going to be nasty, because if it weren’t going to be nasty, they wouldn’t need to keep a secret”. Up until now, the breach of copyright has been a civil matter. The Obama administration seems to now want to criminalize it. And even though recent reports suggest that on average more than 800 illegally copied songs can be found on a teenager’s music player, this has hardly ever been seen as a reason for “national security” concerns. One of the things the treaty is said to be aimed at is peer-to-peer sharing, meaning passing on software from one user to another. But what it would do on a larger scale is let Big Brother watch you, this time on a completely different level. Leaks of the text suggest that border guards will get unprecedented powers to search travelers without warning. They will be able to go through, copy and confiscate any digital material people have on their laptop. This means music, movies, and games as well as any other personal material. Some people compare a personal computer and the files it contains to an underwear drawer, and are convinced that the government should not go through it. Or, at least, it should have a good reason to do so. Others add that the whole process of drafting the new legislation goes completely against the policies with which Obama ran for office, notably the policy of transparency. It has also been brought to attention that the countries working on the treaty don’t include important international players like China, Russia and Brazil.

An economics professor at Texas Tech said he had never failed a single student, but had once failed an entire class. The class (students) insisted that socialism worked since no one would be poor and no one would be rich, a great equalizer. The professor then said, "OK, we will have an experiment in this class on socialism." "All grades will be averaged and everyone will receive the same grade so no one will fail and no one will receive an A." After the first test the grades were averaged and everyone got a B. The students who had studied hard were upset while the students who had studied very little were happy. But, as the second test rolled around, the students who had studied little studied even less and the ones who had studied hard decided that since they couldn't make an A, they also studied less. The second Test average was a D. No one was happy. When the 3rd test rolled around the average grade was an F. The scores never increased as bickering, blame, name calling, all resulted in hard feelings and no one would study for anyone else. To their great surprise all failed. The professor told them that socialism would ultimately fail. The harder people try to succeed the greater their reward (capitalism) but when a government takes all the reward away (socialism) no one will try or succeed.

Jack had been in Police work for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. 'Name's Cliff, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00...' 'Great', says Jack, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks, Thank you.' As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'. 'Not a problem' says Jack. 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'. Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting too.' 'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! I'll be there. Thanks again.' 'More'n likely be some wild sex, too,' 'Now that's really not a problem' says Jack, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?' 'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.'

She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Grand-daughter, The other day I went up to our local Christian book store and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting. So, I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, am I glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, ' For the love of God! ' ' Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ, GO! ' What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out my window and started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a sunny beach. I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my young teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I have never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign right back. My grandson bursted out laughing. Why, even he was enjoying this religious experience!! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters, and drove on, grinning, through the intersection. I noticed that I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!! Will write again soon, Love, Grandma

A woman and a baby were in the doctor's examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby's first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed. 'Breast-fed,' she replied. 'Well, strip down to your waist,' the doctor ordered. She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said, 'No wonder this baby is underweight. You don't have any milk.' I know,' she said, 'I'm his Grandma, but I'm glad I came

A man is driving down a deserted stretch of highway when he notices a sign out of the corner of his eye....It reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 10 MILES He thinks this is a figment of his imagination and drives on without second thought.... Soon he sees another sign which reads: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION 5 MILES Suddenly he begins to realize that these signs are for real and drives past a third sign saying: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS HOUSE OF PROSTITUTION NEXT RIGHT His curiosity gets the best of him and he pulls into the drive. On the far side of the parking lot is a stone building with a small sign next to the door reading: SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS He climbs the steps and rings the bell. The door is answered by a nun in a long black habit who asks, 'What may we do for you my son?' He answers, 'I saw your signs along the highway and was interested in possibly doing business....' 'Very well my son. Please follow me.' He is led through many winding passages and is soon quite disoriented. The nun stops at a closed door and tells the man, 'Please knock on this door.' He does so and another nun in a long habit, holding a tin cup answers the door... This nun instructs, 'Please place $100 in the cup then go through the large wooden door at the end of the hallway.' He puts $100 in the cup, eagerly trots down the hall and slips through the door pulling it shut behind him. The door locks, and he finds himself back in the parking lot facing another sign: GO IN PEACE. YOU HAVE JUST BEEN SCREWED BY THE SISTERS OF ST. FRANCIS. SERVES YOU RIGHT, YOU SINNER

SUMBICH!!!! > > A filthy rich Florida man decided that he wanted to throw > a > party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. > > He also invited Leroy, the only Redneck in the > neighborhood. He > held the party around the pool in the backyard of his > mansion. > > Leroy was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating > shrimp, > oysters and BBQ and flirting with all the women. > > At the height of the party, the host said, 'I have a > 10 foot > man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million > dollars to anyone > who has the nerve to jump in..' > > The words were barely out of his mouth when there was a > loud > splash. Everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool! > > > > Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy > was > jabbing it in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, > head butts and > choke holds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping it > through the > air like some kind of Judo Instructor. > > > The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both > Leroy and > the gator were screaming and raising hell. > > Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it float to the > top > like a dime store goldfish. > > > Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was > just > staring at him in disbelief. > > > Finally the host says, 'Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe > you a > million dollars.' > > > > 'No, that's okay. I don't want it,' said > Leroy. > > The rich man said, 'Man, I have to give you something. > You won > the bet. How about half a million bucks then?' > > No thanks, I don't want it,' answered Leroy. > > The host said, 'Come on, I insist on giving you > something.. That > was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some > stock > options?' > > Again Leroy said no. > > Confused, the rich man asked, 'Well, Leroy, then what > do you > want?' > > Leroy said, 'I want the name of the Sumbich who pushed > me in the > pool! >