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alanrene13's blog: "funny"

created on 06/05/2007  |  http://fubar.com/funny/b88816

lol2

funny This ought to make you feel better about your computer skills! If you >skip any, you have to read the last one! Unbelievable, but supposedly >all true!!!! > > > > ================================= > > > > Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? > > > > Female customer: A white one... > > > > =============== > > > > Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. > > > > Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button? > > > > Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. > > > > Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. > > > > Customer: No, wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still >on my desk... sorry.... > > > > =============== > > > > Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the >screen. > > > > Customer: Your left or my left? > > > > =============== > > > > Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? > > > > Male customer: Hello... I can't print. > > > > Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and... > > > > Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not >Bill Gates. > > > > =============== > > > > Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every >time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. > > > > I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, >but the computer still says he can't find it... > > > > ============== = > > > > Customer: I have problems printing in red... > > > > Tech support: Do you have a color printer? > > > > Customer: Aaaah...................thank you. > > > > =============== > > > > Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? > > > > Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11. > > > > =============== > > > > Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. > > > > Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? > > > > Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. > > > > Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back > > > > Customer:! OK > > > > Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? > > > > Customer: Yes > > > > Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there >another keyboard? > > > > Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work... > > > > =============== > > > > Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a >capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. > > > > Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters? > > > > == ============= > > > > Customer: can't get on the Internet. > > > > Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? > > > > Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. > > > > Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? > > > > Customer: Five stars. > > > > =============== > > > > Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? > > > > Customer: Netscape. > > > > Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. > > > > Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. > > > > =============== > > > > Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver >on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears > > > > =============== > > > > Tech support: How may I help you? > > > > Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. > > > > Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? > > > > Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I >get the circle around it? > > > > =============== > > > > A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her >printer. > > > > Tech support: Are you running it under windows? > > > > Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. >The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, > > > > and his printer is working fine." > > > > =============== > > > > And last but not least... > > > > Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at >the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle > > > > of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program >Manager" > > > > Customer: I don't have a P. > > > > Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob. > > > > Customer: What do you mean? > > > > Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob. > > > > Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!

lol

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you." To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!

funny

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf - always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point. When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway." The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp. Moral to this story: Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is the husband.
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