ladystartaraRazorblade Kisses or Crimson...'s blog: "Funny thing is"

My friend called me and says she is pregnant with another man's child. She is married to a very close friend of mine. She wants me to break the news to him but I don't feel comfortable doing that. I am at a loss on what to do now. I have a funny feeling that she is setting me up because she is jealous of our friendship. I hate being in situations such as this. It makes me so uncomfortable.

Ok so I was thinking today about how my life is. I realized I don't have much time for dating, having fun and enjoying life. I work at home and I work my ass off at work. You know I like to keep busy. I hate being idle for very long because I feel like I am wasting time. Yes I know I am here alot but I am not really here here with you guys. I get up and do things and come back. Right now I am remodeling my new place. Oh ya I got me a new place. I am busy stripping the doors. This place needs alot of work. I am not ignoring anyone. I am just a very busy person. When I do slow down long enough to breath and see whats going on in here. I realize how much I miss. I am trying to take the time to upload all of my stash stuff. So you guys can laugh and cry with me. Thank you to all of my friends who have tried to help me level up. I found out you really can't do a whole lot on the lower levels. I can't comment bomb people very long because I reach my limit fast. Which is upsetting because I am in a contest and would love to get a prize. I want also to help others and bomb the hell out of them. Guys its not that I don't want to I do want to help but being at a lower level I can't help much. Please understand. I do want to help you all. I love my friends here. You all are wonderful. Take care everyone. **HUGZ**

I hate that when you are at a certain level you can only do so much. I really need to level up so that I can make more comments. So please help me. Blast this pic right here to help me out and rate my stash. Pretty please with sugar on top and big red cherry. **KISSES & HUGZ** Click on this pic!

My neightbors are jerks. I am so sick of the attitude and parties. I can't sleep at all. I own my place but the neighbors above me party till 4 in the morning and they sleep all damn day. I am so sick of it. I have called the cops and all they do is come out and tell them to keep it down. What the fuck good is that going to do? These kids don't care. They just wiat till the cops leave and turn the music back up. I am so ready to beat em. I have got to find a way to stop the crap. I am getting majorly sleep deprived. Which is making me cranky. Any ideas people. I need sleep bad......

People are funny you know. They seem to think that they can just be asses whenever the mood takes them. They get pissed off at the world and take it out on everyone around them. Why do they do that? Are people assholes in general? Is that the kind of people they like to be? I try to get along with others and be kind to everyone around me. I bend over backwards for anyone that needs my help. I will do whatever I can to make people happy again. I love to crack jokes and make others smile. I hate it when others are mad at me. Call it a mental deficiency or call it a big heart. Whatever it is I do whatever I can to keep from pissing others off. But I am developing this attitude of I don't give a shit now. If you don't like me then don't fucking talk to me. What the hell is going on? Why have I changed so much? Why do I not care anymore? I have been through so much shit in my life but i have managed to try to stay positive but now I have lost that mentality. Has the world changed so much that it made me care that much less? Are people out there instilling that hate in my heart. I don't understand. I am starting to hate guys. I am starting to hate the damn world. Someone help me understand what has gone wrong with me cuz I am lost.

Why is it that people think it is ok to hurt others. Is it to make themselves feel better or are they sick inside and they get off on making others feel about a inch tall. I am a human being with feelings. I feel as though no matter what I say and/or do I am never doing it good enough. I can never do enough or say enough to make people happy. I am so sick of trying when all I get is slapped in the face. When someone I care about slaps me in the face it hurts. It makes me feel as though I am less than human. I am sick of hurting all the time. Everyone tells me suck it up stop letting it get to you well damn it the only way to do that is not feel anything at all. How the hell do you do that? How do you stop feeling anything? I am not a fucking robot. I have feelings though I would much rather I didn't. I am tired of loving, caring and making others happy when I don't get anything in return. I am not anyone's kicking post don't use me as such. I want to scream out and make someone feel as hurt as I am. But that would make me just as bad as the one who is hurting me. What do I do? How do I make it stop? I feel so lost right now and I don't know if I will ever find my way back. I just got a call from this person telling me that the only way I will be human is if I confess all of my sins and the bad things I have done to them. I have apologized time and time again. WTF do I have to keep apologizing for the same damn things? God I am human I make mistakes. I am not perfect. Appearently that is what they want of me. I don't know how to be perfect. I don't want to do this anymore. I just can't keep going like this. They are trying to make me crazy and its working. Someone save me from me.

Just when I think its ok to come out from under my rock something blocks my way. We had what we thought was a tropical depression but damned if it didn't turn into a hurricane. WTF? Where did that come from? Then my Boss is being a jerk telling me that I should not have been 1 minute late. He then starts yelling at me about some paperwork (that I did not have anything to do with) and blaming me for the fact that it was not on his desk. I calmly looked at him and said sir you need to call sherry. She was the one in charge of it. Boy did that shut him up fast. Then he turned around and I noticed he had mud on the back of his leg. I really thought about it and decided you ass I am not going to tell you. Let you find out on your own. (he is very obsessed about his appearence) He thinks he is Gods gift to women btw. I was ready to scream. Then my Breakfast burrito oozed out on to my skirt. Thank goodness I had a spare change of clothes at the office. I need a long vacation complete with a massage, lots of drinks and a sexy man to play with for God sakes. Oh ya can't forget the bubble bath. Calgon take me away!!!!!!!!!!!!

My sister in law is a no good, trampy, crab infested bitch. She is a cheater is the worse way. This is her myspace http://www.myspace.com/onevelvet_angel . She was married before my brother and we found out that she cheated on him with at least 10 different guys in the span of a year and a half that they were married. Then she met my brother and she has been with at least 9 guys the entire 6 years they have been together. She has a girl witht he first husband but my brother raised her and then they have a girl together. Now she is with someone else and he is not even divorced yet. My nieces hate her and don't want to even go home with her. She slaps them around and shuts them in a bedroom and makes them stay there while she plays with her new boy toy. My brother and the ex are going after her with both guns blazing so they can get the girls totally taken away from her. She is a crazy psycho bitch from hell. I am scared for my nieces safety and lives. I wish that there was something I could do. Well there is something I could do buttttttt it would require the swamp, a gator or two and jail time for me. So I will hold off for now.

You know its funny where life takes you. You think you got a hand on it all and somehow you get knocked right back down. Take me for instance... I am 31 years old and I have been married and divorced, have lived in more places than I can count, traveled this country (without seeing anything I would have loved to)( my ex was a truck driver), was born in Mo but am currently living in texas (where I said I would never live), and am more confused than I have ever been in my entire life. I feel as though I am 100 years old. Everything in my life has been one drama after another. When does it all change? After I die maybe? I keep saying I need a break or a vacation but that just does not seem to happen. The question in my brain is when do I get a break? When does something good happen for me? I don't think that this is life at least not one I want to live. Oh brother!