The Grim Reefer's blog: "Funny News"

I finally saw the "40 Year Old Virgin”. It was a line of guys waiting for the Playstation 3...hahahahaha People are waiting in lines for that thing. There’s been pushing, shoving, riots......to me, this is the most exercise most of these people will ever get. President Bush is in Vietnam. He’s just a little behind since he should have been there in 1968. Dick Cheney however got a deferment. Steny Hoyer is going to be Majority Leader for the Democrats. Steny Hoyer? Wasn’t he on the "Dukes of Hazzard”? Wasn’t he Cooter’s friend? The NBA is using a new kind of basketball that contains no animal products. It’s sort of like any kind of burger at McDonald's. Wal-Mart is coming out with a $2.00 wine. So it looks like Jesus wasn’t the only one to turn water into wine. It comes in red and white, and as well as 12 and 16 oz. cans. Last night, former NFL star Emmitt Smith defeated Mario Lopez to win "Dancing with the Stars." Smith was excited and said: "I've won three Super Bowls, an MVP award, and I'm the NFL's all-time leading rusher - but my greatest accomplishment is out-dancing Slater from 'Saved by the Bell.'".............then he failed the drug test. O.J. Simpson has written a book called "If I Did It, Here's How it Happened" where he walks through how he would have committed the murders if he were guilty.....a factious story. Just like the one he told the court. Simpson says if it sells well, he's going to not kill other people and write more books about how he didn't do it. Later this month on the Fox Network, O.J. Simpson will take part in a show called, "If I Did It." Television critics say that this is the most tasteless thing Fox has done this week. Then O.J. will appear in a rebuttal special called: "But Perhaps I Didn’t Do It – Unless Of Course By ‘It’ You Mean ‘Double Murder’ – In Which Case Yes: I Did It.” Queen Elizabeth has announced she will visit the U.S. next year to commemorate the 400th anniversary of the Jamestown settlement. The Queen says she expects to enjoy herself as much as she did at Jamestown's 300th anniversary celebration. Last night at an awards show, Michael Jackson made an appearance and he was introduced by Lindsay Lohan. People in the audience kept asking, "Who are those two skinny white chicks?" In Kansas, a criminal was caught after he stuck his gun in his waistband and accidentally shot himself in his testicles. The man was arrested and immediately brought to a woman's prison. A poll was taken about who would be a better parent: Britney Spears or Kevin Federline and only three percent said Federline. Eighty-seven percent said the kids should take their chances on the streets. "Desperate Housewives” was number one in TV last week. This week it was "Dancing With the Stars”. You know what that means? America is now officially gay! President Bush left for an eight day trip to Asia to meet with leaders of Indonesia, Malaysia, the Phillippines, Singapore, Thailand and Vietnam. Or as Bush calls them: China. So far, everywhere he’s gone in Asia he’s been met by thousands of protesters. President Bush may be the first American to be greeted with the phrase, "We hate you long time." His approval rating is now down to 31%. He’s so unpopular now that even on Air Force One he’s not allowed the window seat anymore. Wisconsin Senator Russ Feingold says he is not running for president. He called a conference today to announce it. When the hell did we start doing this? I didn’t know you had to make an announcement that you’re not running. Germany is charging Donald Rumsfeld and other leaders with crimes against humanity. Germany! In a related story Tijuana is suing the U.S. for drug use and prostitution. President Bush just announced that next month he will host a White House conference on malaria. Bush told reporters, "I’m looking forward to meeting the Malarians.” Lawyers in Germany are trying to have Donald Rumsfeld arrested and tried for war crimes. You know things are bad when Germany is accusing you of war crimes. This weekend, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting married in a lavish ceremony – and Holmes will be wearing a perfume that costs $2,400 an ounce. The perfume is called "Eau de Giant Charade.” Tom will give all the guests hand-embroidered towels that bear his and Katie Holmes's initials. Not only that, Katie will give all the guests hand-scrawled notes that say, "Help me!" According to Variety, there is a new movie coming out featuring Beyonce and Eva Longoria playing lesbian lovers. It's called "The Greatest Movie Ever Made." Eva Longoria is angrily denying rumors that she will be playing Beyonce’s lesbian lover in a movie. So know one knows if the movie is real or just a dream I had. There was an embarrassing moment. President Bush had to ask John Kerry for directions. That was awkward. Soon Nancy Pelosi will be the most powerful woman in the country. Unless you count Oprah. Three out of five Americans don’t think the Democrats have a plan for Iraq. Democrats were stunned when they heard this. Two people think we have a plan?! The CIA is now saying that Borat misled them on the facts in going into Iraq. Borat was actually punched by a guy in New York. Borat went up to talk to him and got hit. In the guy’s defense when he turned around, he saw a reporter with a mustache and just thought it was Geraldo. A new James Bond movie is out. "Casino Royale”. This about how Bond gets started and gets his license to kill. A license to kill. After Blake, O.J. and Spector that’s not so special anymore. After winning re-election last week, California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger made a quick visit to Mexico. Arnold said he went to Mexico so he could thank everybody who voted for him. Political experts say President Bush planned a trip to several foreign countries this week because he's unpopular at home. In response, the White House said, "That's ridiculous, the President is just as unpopular overseas." This week, a restaurant in Arizona began selling The Quadruple Bypass Burger. It has four slabs of beef weighing two lbs., three cheese layers, four bacon rashers, lettuce and tomato. Then, to help you get to your car, they take the grease from the bacon and rub it on the doorways. Democrats say that now that they control the House and Senate they plan to raise the minimum wage. The Democrats say they're raising the minimum wage because something must be done to protect Kevin Federline's future. Sunday night Kevin Federline was performing a concert when he went off on his divorce and said "Fuck Britney"...fortunately, no one in the audience was offended because there was no one in the audience. Sources say the prenup Britney Spears made Kevin Federline sign is 60 pages long. The first page handles who gets the money and the next 59 pages handle who gets the trucker hats. This is the second week in a row that Boart is number one at the box office and made $29 million. The producers have already said there won’t be a sequel because it’s too hard to fool people twice. The Republicans found that out. The U.N has evidence of global warming. And right now they are working hard, around the clock to do nothing about it. Rudy Giuliani might run for president in 2008. He has a no non-sense approach to Iraq. The first thing he’s going to do is get rid of those squeegee guys. Yesterday, Democrat Russ Feinglod announced that he has decided NOT to run for President in 2008. Which finally answers the question no one asked. According to a new report, the most frequently delayed flight in the country is Delta's 6:30 flight from New York to Washington, D.C. - which is late 100 percent of the time. Delta officials plan to fix the problem with the 6:30 flight by re-naming it the "7:30 flight." President Bush’s dad is going to help on the War in Iraq. He’s not happy either. This might be the first time a president actually becomes grounded. Did you see Nancy Pelosi and President Bush during their lunch meeting last week? And you thought you saw more fake smiles when the Clinton’s were together. John McCain has started an exploratory committee on running for president. Hillary Clinton has started an exploratory committee to keep track of Bill. I have some good news about the health of Fidel Castro – it got worse! Castro isn’t expected to make it much past 2007. He’s worth almost $900 million. Today Anna Nicole Smith was seen paddling to Cuba. Wal-Mart will allow employees to say "Merry Christmas” this year. This year they can do that. They learned how to speak English. The Oakland A’s new stadium is going to be the most high-tech in the world. Each visitor will have access to wireless internet and reception for their cell phones. They’re trying to make the most annoying stadium ever.

There was a huge accident. Apparently a bunch of Republican candidates trying to distance themselves from President Bush ran into a bunch of Democrat candidates trying to distance themselves from John Kerry. They just collided in the middle. It was gruesome. John Kerry has since apologized for screwing up a joke about President Bush that offended our troops. How do you screw up a Bush joke? That’s like screwing up a Clinton sex joke. Who would have ever thought that the Democrats would miss the wit and charisma of Al Gore? Have you heard about this pastor in Colorado? This Haggard guy? There were signs all around. Like the name of the church – Brokeback Baptist Church. Pastor Ted Haggard resigned today as the leader of New Life Church. He resigned after the congregation found out about his new life. He was thought to be a "George Bush" Republican. Instead it turned out he was a "George Michael" Republican. Haggard says that he is a liar and a deceiver. I think it is way too soon for him to be entering politics. He was also using meth. That’s why he was so popular as a preacher. His one hour sermons would last five minutes.....wait....if he was using meth, does that make him a Methodist? KFC said today that they are no longer using transfat in their batter. They have switched to Mobile 1. Happy Birthday to Walter Cronkite. He turned 90 years old today. Cronkite is at that awkward age where he’s too old to be an anchorman and too young to be on "60 Minutes”. The marathon is on Sunday. The New York Marathon is the only place where you can find someone running and smoking at the same time. It was 94 today. It was so hot I felt like a gay evangelist. Tomorrow could be a bad day for the Republicans. Even Saddam Hussein is saying, "I’m glad I’m not in their shoes!” Saddam was found guilty today and sentenced to death. See L.A.! It can be done! Did you see the verdict? I don’t get why they always say, "Hung until dead.” Is that really necessary? Is there another level of hanging? You will be hung until you feel severe neck discomfort. Saddam should have taken my advice. I told him to get a good Jewish lawyer but he wouldn’t listen. I think the only good news for President Bush will be from Geico. Dick Cheney is going to be out hunting at his lodge in South Dakota tomorrow. How would you like to be around Cheney with a gun if the Republicans lose?....wait...is it Lawyer Season already?! damn..... John Kerry has been lying low too. Reporters have called him and all they get is his answering machine. They know it’s Kerry’s answering machine because it doesn’t have a message. The NBA season is one week old. So far no pregnancies. Tuesday was Election Day. The vote went quick here in L.A. They now have a quicker, faster separate lane for all the illegal immigrants. I’m not sure about some of these ballot initiatives. For example, here we had 127 which was about notifying the parents of a middle school student if their teacher became pregnant after having sex. I’m not sure what that is all about. Some of the initiatives are just frivolous. Like 102 – is it ok for someone to eat just the top half of a muffin. The GOP is concerned about Republican voter turnout. Right now instead they have a congressman and a preacher that are coming out instead of turning out. On this day in 1860 Abraham Lincoln was elected in a three way race. President Bush today said that he admired Lincoln. Because of inventing the penny, the Lincoln Town Car, and of course because of Lincoln Logs. President Bush said he's disappointed with the outcome of the voting. Of couse, he was talking about the show "Dancing with the Stars." Senator Hillary Clinton's overwhelming victory has fueled speculation that she will run for President in 2008. In other words, there was some good news for Republicans. California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger was re-elected and he said he plans to use the next four years to showcase California as a one-of-a-kind model of bipartisan cooperation. Of course, it was much funnier when Arnold said it. There were many reports of problems with the electronic voting machines yesterday, espeically the new "touch screen machines." In fact, in Congressman Mark Foley's district, some of the machines were touched inappropriately. According to Britney Spears' pre-nup agreement, after she divorces Kevin Federline she'll have to pay him $30,000 a month. And when you add that to Federline's other sources of income, he'll be making a total of $30,000 a month. It’s fall time. The leaves are changing from green to brown. The states are changing from red to blue. You know what the GOP stands for? Going Out of Power. The Republicans have tried for a long time to appeal to minorities. Now look…they are one! The Republicans did so bad that they were made honorary Oakland Raiders. The oil companies are furious over the results of the election. They lowered gas prices for two months and the Republicans still lost. You lost us $8 billion! I’m so glad the election is done. Now the only annoying political speech you’ll hear is at a Barbara Streisand concert. Even though the Republicans lost the vote on Tuesday they were still busy today. Today they were busy packing up all their bribe money. Over 83 million people voted in the election. And with the new machines that means that over half of the votes were counted. "Borat” is the number one movie in the country. It’s a tall bumbling guy who can’t speak English. He travels around the country annoying people and is often confused. Oh wait, that’s John Kerry. Dennis Hastert will no longer be Speaker of the House. Don’t worry. He will now be the "before guy” for Jenny Craig. President Bush and Nancy Pelosi met for lunch today. It didn’t go well – she wouldn’t pass anything. Do you realize Nancy Pelosi will now be second in line for the presidency? She’s behind Dick Cheney. She’s literally a heartbeat away – from a guy without a heartbeat. Donald Rumsfeld resigned. But in one year he promises to return on TV wearing a bikini. Rumsfeld is enjoying retirement though. Today he slept in. He got up, ate a nice breakfast and then took some detainees for a walk on a leash. John Kerry came out of the closet today. Literally he came out. He’s not gay. The Democrats just let him out of the closet. A group is already raising money for John Kerry to run for president again. Will that happen? It just depends on how much money the Republicans raise. Turns out the two biggest things that hurt Republicans in the election were sex and money scandals. After all these years of attacking Hollywood it turns out they are Hollywood! An amendment to legalize marijuana in Nevada was voted down. It probably would have passed but all the people already on marijuana didn’t show up to the polls until today. Iowa Governor Tom Vilsack is running for president in 2008. What kind of name is that anyway? Doesn’t it sound like a medical problem for an older man? I could picture Wilfred Brimley saying, "Do you have an enlarged Vilsack?” Wal-Mart is coming out with their own wine. It comes in two flavors – red and white trash. On the label they of course are telling people to drink responsibly. They don’t want anyone drinking the wine and then getting behind the wheel of their home. The San Francisco 49ers are moving to Santa Clara. They wanted to move to an area without a team already. Why didn’t they just move to Oakland?

The election is less than a week away. It makes you feel like taking a shower, doesn't it? The Republicans have a secret weapon -- it's called John Kerry. John Kerry botched a joke about President Bush that offended American troops. Kerry was stunned and responded with "People listen to my speeches?!” It's so hard to believe Kerry botched a joke because he's usually just so hilarious. It's hard to tell when Kerry is joking because of all the Botox. John Kerry later apologized for his botched joke. Political analysts say that this has hurt Kerry's chances to run for president in 2008. Apparently his chances have gone from zero to below zero. President Bush demanded that Kerry apologize for his remarks. What a change. President Bush addressing someone for stumbling on their words. It's been found that people in the country of Saudi Arabia are most likely to look up homosexual activity on the Internet. That presents a dilemma for Republicans: Gays with oil! Mark Foley has decided to remain in rehab even though he can be released now after 30 days. Apparently phony alcoholism is the hardest to get over. The country of Iran is trying to get American tourists to visit the country. The tourist slogan of Iran is "Where the past comes alive -- because it never left!" Which does beat the old slogan of "Death to America!" What do you call an American tourist in Iran? A hostage! Last night I answered the door and kid says, "Trick or treat!" I said, "Trick or treat? Aren't you a few days late?" Then he responded, "No, I'm dressed as a FEMA worker." Oil is now down to $58 per barrel. If my calculations are correct this means that Election Day is less than a week away. Get it now! After Tuesday you’re screwed! Over the weekend we set clocks back. Republicans enjoyed this because it meant being in power for one more hour. Did you get your clock set back? I wonder how that works for Keifer Sutherland on "24”. Well Halloween just passed – or as American kids call it: "Fat Tuesday!” Beverly Hills is the worst place for trick-or-treating. It’s a little different here. The kids email you pictures of them in costumes. Then they fax their candy list and you have it delivered by a messenger. Michael Jackson calls trick-or-treating "room service”. A popular costume this year is to wrap yourself up in bandages. Not a mummy, but going at Dick Cheney’s hunting buddy. Another popular costume this year is Kim Jung Il. It’s easy because all the clothes are kid size already. Halloween is the scariest day of the year – unless you’re a Republican, then it’s next Tuesday. At Dick Cheney’s house instead of giving kids candy, he waterboards them until they give up their candy. In Mexico they have the Day of the Dead. This is when they honor the souls that have disappeared to L.A. Kids are so fat these days. In fact one of the popular costumes this year is a Mini Cooper. Have you seen these "fun size” packages of candy? Why does the candy get smaller and our kids keep getting fatter? On TV on Halloween, you can find all kinds of scary movies. "Nightmare On Elm Street”, "Texas Chainsaw Massacre”. In Detroit they’re just showing reruns of the World Series. Cardinals pitcher David Eckstein was the World Series MVP. He’s not big, he’s a little guy. In fact after the final game Madonna ran onto the field and tried to adopt him. An elementary school in Santa Monica is banning tag from the playground. They’re afraid that the game could affect children’s self esteem. This also could prevent the spread of "cooties”. The Panama Canal is going to be widened. Well of course – with all the fat ass buffets on the cruise ships these days, they had to. The War in Iraq is now costing $4 billion a week. That’s slightly less than Paul McCartney’s divorce. It’s the 120th birthday of Statue of Liberty. She’s the tallest, oldest woman in the New York City – except for Sigourney Weaver. Here’s some inside showbiz news. There’s lots of troubles at NBC. As many as700 employees will be fired at NBC. Things are so bad that the NBC peacock was found in a KFC bucket today. Dick Cheney said the other day that he thinks Hillary Clinton has the stuff to be president. Hey, he also thought the same thing about President Bush.

I have some bad news for out-of-towners. Taxi cab rates have gone up $1.00. But this also includes aroma therapy. Halloween is coming up. That’s one day every New Yorker looks forward to – going to your door in the dark and seeing people in masks. Are you watching the World Series? The St. Louis Cardinals and the Detroit Tigers. The Tigers have a pretty young team they say. In fact, earlier today Madonna adopted a batboy. I definitely like to watch the World Series. Here’s what I do. I sit down and drink a few beers in my underwear and scream at the TV. That’s until they throw me out of the bar. Down in Washington, President Bush has approved a plan to build a 700 mile fence on a portion of the Mexican border. He said he also knows where he can find some cheap labor to build it.....A long fence on the border. Something like this I just hope Halliburton can get some money out of the deal. Be nice to see something go their way for a change. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are getting married next month in Italy. Their wedding is going to be at the Leaning Tower of Publicity. Tom Cruise is a thrifty and shrewd guy. To save money on the wedding he’s going to stand on the cake. A new energy drink is coming out called "Cocaine”. That’s what it’s called. It’s made by the same people that came out with the "Black Tar Heroin Protein Bar”. If this drink would have came out a week earlier it might have saved Bobby (Brown) and Whitney’s (Houston) marriage. The Eagles were leading the Giants 24-7 into the fourth quarter and went on to lose 30-24. It was one of the biggest NFL comebacks ever. I was shocked. Usually the Eagles don’t choke this early in the season, it’s usually the game before the Super Bowl. According to "ESPN” magazine the Washington Redskins are the most profitable NFL franchise, worth $1.5 billion. The reason being is that in D.C. no one is used to an organization with a game plan and being able to execute it. President Bush was in Mexico this week. While in Mexico he was greeted with protestors that were wearing George Bush masks. The president was overheard saying, "I don’t know who those people are but they look familiar.” There are now 300 million people in the United States. That either means we are a strong democracy or we have a poor border patrol. It'll probably be 400 million by Christmas. Kim Jung Il is reportedly ecstatic about North Korea’s successful nuclear test. He’s feeling five feet tall! He’s a strange guy. What’s up with the pompadour? He looks like Wayne Newton and William Hung had a kid. Florida Congressman Mark Foley has completed one week of his rehab. He has gone seven days without a page. The Army has changed their slogan from "Army of One” to "Army: Strong”. A number of other countries have done the same. India is now "We fix more computer by 9:00 AM than most do all day.” Switzerland is "See what a pocket knife, scissors, corkscrew and little nail file can do for you.” Morocco, "Less talk, more rocco!” And Cuba, "Invading America one raft at a time.” President Bush is working hard on the Iraq situation. Today he told the Iraqi people to "get governing”. Then he went on to introduce his new speech writer, Larry the Cable Guy. Major League Baseball has announced a formal investigation into Barry Bonds alleged steroid use. The investigation will involve looking at a photograph of Barry Bonds. Over the weekend Paris Hilton was arrested for driving under the influence. She was smart though. The second she was pulled out of the car she said, "Go Israel!” This time she was put into real handcuffs. Not those fuzzy pink ones she’s used to. She’s still a celebrity and you can tell she’s spoiled. For example in the holding room she got one call and she called room service. This is the most embarrassing thing to happen to Paris Hilton since the release of her CD. Isn’t politics just horrible these days? People are now saying that Hillary Clinton has spent millions of dollars on plastic surgery. She’s so good looking now that her husband hit on her by accident last night. O.J. Simpson is writing a novel. Things are going good so far. He’s agreed to meet at a Barnes and Noble for a book stabbing. There is an initiative in the state of Nevada to legalize small amounts of marijuana. This is the first time marijuana and initiative has appeared in the same sentence. Opponents are afraid of the crime element that legalization would attract to the state. Yeah, between the hookers, alcoholics and degenerate gamblers those are the last people you’d want coming into the state.

Today Madonna was talking about her adoption process saying she went through the same thing as everyone else. The first step in the process is apparently getting a platinum record. North Korea might be testing a second nuke soon. This one could be more powerful than the first one – meaning it could blow up two mailboxes instead of one. Experts believe that for the Republicans to have a good election that something big must happen for President Bush, like capturing Osama bin Laden. Osama bin Laden? We can’t even find Wesley Snipes! The population of the United States reached 300 million yesterday. In a related story the population of Mexico is now at 38 people. A guy jumped the fence at the White House and got very close before the Secret Service got him. That’s the problem, once you get over the fence there’s nowhere to go. So there was two people at the White House without an exit strategy. There are reports that the military is having troubles in some areas of Afghanistan where the marijuana forests are over ten feet tall. I’m thinking just set out some Doritos and Twinkies near the forest. Senator Hillary Clinton says that she would be in favor of legalized torture on terrorists to get information that we need. That’s bad news for Bill! Bill Clinton was recently asked about rumors he has once again been unfaithful in his marriage. Many Democrats are concerned with this and have warned him about it. When asked, Bill said that there was nothing to the rumors. One thing we know, when Bill Clinton denies something – we can take that statement to the bank! Wal-Mart has just built the second largest store in China. It is called the Great Wal-Mart of China. The Mayor of San Francisco is under fire for dating a 20-year-old. There was a picture of them together in the paper and she was holding a glass of wine. The problem being she’s only 20. I know what you’re thinking – the Mayor of San Francisco is straight?! There was an earthquake in Hawaii. President Bush said that the government would do everything to help the people of Hawaii out. He went on to say that he considers Hawaii to be one of our most important allies. FEMA was on site immediately. Actually they had just showed up for the bombing of Pearl Harbor the day before and just figured while they were there they might as well check out the earthquake. John Kerry says that he deserves a second chance to run for president. I say if his wife can afford it – why not? A number of countries have issued sanctions against North Korea. Particularly bans on importing of luxury items – mainly platform shoes that Kim Jung Il wears. Did you see that fight at the college football game between Miami and Florida International? 31 players were suspended. Not only were they suspended but they now also will have to take actual tests in college. That’s never happened before! There’s been snowstorms back east. The snow is so deep in some areas that even Al Gore called off his speech on global warming. We are learning more about Kim Jung Il. They say he is dishonest; he drinks a lot, and has sexual excess. You know what this means – he could be in congress! What’s up with his 70’s Member’s Only leisure suit? He may have weapons of mass destruction but he still has to use a booster seat. Saddam Hussein has now been on trial for over one year. Do you realize if the trial was in L.A. he’d be out golfing by now? For the first time in 25 years the grain stockpile in this country is short. Things are so bad that today Kellogg’s laid off Snap and Crackle. Only Pop is working. The Army has changed their slogan to "Army Strong”. It cost $200 million. That’s $100 million per word. Other countries are following with their military. Ireland’s slogan, "Bar Fight!” China is "One Billion”. France of course is "Helping invading armies feel at home for over 100 years. A recent study has found that teenagers use text messaging on average of 110 times per week. 80 of them from Mark Foley.

Some kids working at a Burger King in New Mexico were arrested when cops discovered they had placed marijuana on their burgers. This marks the first time in history that anything organic has ever been served at Burger King.....you thought the BK king was creepy....watch him stoned! Mel Gibson was interviewed by Diane Sawyer. Did you see that? He said that is was a blessing and that he needed humiliation on a global scale. Wouldn’t it have been easier to get a show on NBC? The Army is spending over $200 million to change their slogan to "Army Strong”. How about Army screwed?!......well it beats "Did Someone Say Jihad?" An 83-year-old was caught trying to cross the border with ten pounds of meth. Border Guards became suspicious when the man swam the river, leaped the fence and dug a tunnel all in less than ten minutes. Here’s an odd story. Yesterday a man that was so fat tried crossing the Mexican border and became trapped in a tunnel. This really isn’t fair. If he’s that fat he belongs in the United States. October 11th was National Coming Out Day....October 12th is National What The Hell Was I Thinking Day. We haven’t been able to confirm whether or not North Korea detonated a nuclear bomb. Confirm? We can’t even confirm who the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby is. Twenty-five of the wealthiest men in American are currently out of work. But enough about the New York Yankees. Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie have settled their dispute. They say that their two hearts combined make one. Their two brains combined also make one. Finally some good news for Republicans today. North Korea tested a nuke! By the end of the year North Korea could have as many bombs as NBC. That was the story today. All around the world people were reacting to North Korea’s nuclear testing. The U.S. condemned it. China said it was wrong. France surrendered. The signs of autumn are all around us. Today for example Terrell Owens almost overdosed on cider.