Lady Victoria Eclectic Pagan's blog: "Funnies..."

A WOMAN'S POEM: Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door. Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me a man who'll make love to my mind, Knows what to answer to 'how big is my behind?' I pray that this man will love me to no end, And always be my very best friend. A MAN'S POEM: I pray for a deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac with huge boobs and a nice ass who owns a bar on a golf course, and loves to send me fishing and drinking. This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a shit. The End

Redneck medical terms (don't shoot me, I'm just passing on a giggle, no offense meant in any way, shape of form, so just laugh and enjoy the sarcasm). Benign - What you be after you be eight. Artery - The study of paintings. Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria Barium - What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section - A neighborhood in Rome Catscan - Searching for Kitty Cauterize - Make eye contact with her Colic - A sheep dog Coma - A punctuation mark D&C - Where Washington is Dilate - To live long Enema - Not a friend Fester - Quicker than someone else Fibula - A small lie G.I.Series - World series of military baseball Hangnail - What you hang your coat on Impotent - Distinguished, well known Labor Pains - Getting hurt at work Medical Staff - A Doctor's cane Morbid - A higher offer than I did Nitrates - Cheaper than day rates Node - I knew it Outpatient - A person who has fainted Pelvis - Second cousin to Elvis Post Operative - A letter carrier Recovery Room - Place to do upholstery Rectum - nearly killed him Secretion - Hiding something Seizure - Roman emperor Tablet - A small table Terminal Illness - Getting sick at the airport Tumor - More than one Urine - Opposite of you're out Varicose - Near by/close by

Run, romp, and play daily. If you want what lies buried, dig until you find it. When you’re happy, dance around and wag your entire body. When it’s in your best interest, practice obedience. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Take naps and stretch before rising.
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1. Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the computer. 2. Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off the roll. 3. Thou shalt not project hairballs from the top of the refrigerator. 4. Thou shalt not sit in front of the television as if thou art invisible. 5. Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human’s bladder at 3 A.M. 6. Thou shalt not reset thy human’s alarm clock by walking on it. 7. Thou shalt not trip thy humans, even if they are walking too slowly. 8. Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in thy house. 9. Thou shalt not jump on the toilet seat just as thy human is sitting down. 10. Thou shalt attempt to show remorse when being scolded.

A couple made a deal that whomever died first would come back and inform the other of the afterlife. Their biggest fear was that there was no afterlife. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word he made contact, "Mina? Mina! " "Is that you, Gene?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, and I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun, and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud of me - lots of greens) another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again." "Oh, Gene, you surely must be in Heaven!" "Not exactly. I'm a rabbit on a golf course in Arizona". *haha* :)