Crazy Doc's blog: "For your reading pleasure"

A Cynics Guide to Life: The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire. I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and... Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work in your underwear during a fire drill. Always take time to stop and smell the roses... and sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, just leave me alone. If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another road. That's why the highway department made so many of them. If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets the message across like a good mooning. When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. A handy telephone tip: Keep a small chalkboard near the phone. That way, when a salesman calls, you can hold the receiver up to it and run your fingernails across it until he hangs up. Each day I try to enjoy something from each of the four food groups: the bonbon group, the salty-snack group, the caffeine group, and the "whatever-the-thing-in-the-tinfoil-in-the-back-of-the-fridge-is" group. Into every life some rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down. Just remember... You gotta break some eggs to make a real mess on the neighbor's car! When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember that all men are brothers... and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn. This morning I woke up to the unmistakable scent of pigs in a blanket. That's the price you pay for letting the relatives stay over. It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot. Keep your nose to the grindstone and your shoulder to the wheel...it's cheaper than plastic surgery. This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land. Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.

Think of a soldier, any one Do you know what he has done Saved some lives, ended some too Didnt know what else to do The enemy shoots, you shoot back Add the body to the stack There is blood, there is gore Guess thats why they call it war Imagine this, just for a minute Something is wrong, you just cant pin it Suddenly, you hear some blasts Now you know you must act fast You ask your sergeant what to do He says, We must fall back, we are too few Your heart starts pumping, you are getting scared You ask, fall back, but to where? You hear, To the west, about a mile away I need you to do just as I say Over the noise you cant hear him speak This situation seems much too bleak Thats it, you snap, you panic, you run Just one mile, then Ill be done You head out the door, and down the street Youve got speed that cant be beat Your steps get quicker with every blast Youve got to get to safety, and fast There it is, youre almost there They wouldnt come this far, they wouldnt dare Suddenly you hear a crack, wiz, zoom Its the enemy, come to send you to your doom You start to speed up, give it all youve got Next thing u know, you have been shot You try to limp to safety, its straight ahead Its too late, youve been shot again, youre dead ~Written by me (Chris)