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Prison Work

Just in case you ever get these two environments mixed up, this should make things a little bit clearer. > > > @ PRISON @ WORK > 1.. You spend the majority of your time in a 10X10 cell 1.. You spend the majority of your time in an 8X8 cubicle > 1.. You get three meals a day fully paid for 1.. You get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it 1.. You get time off for good behavior 1.. You get more work for good behavior > 1.. The guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you 1.. You must often carry a security card and open all the doors for yourself 1.. You can watch TV and play games 1.. You could get fired for watching TV and playing games > 1.. You get your own toilet 1.. You have to share the toilet with some people who pee on the seat > 1.. They allow your family and friends to visit 1.. You aren't even supposed to speak to your family > 1.. All expenses are paid by the taxpayers with no work required 1.. You get to pay all your expenses to go to work, and they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners, and welfare > 1.. You spend most of your life inside bars wanting to get out 1.. You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars > 1.. You must deal with sadistic wardens 1.. They are called managers > THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE!!!! > > Now get back to work. You're not getting paid to check emails.

Golfer in Ireland

An American golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "I'm afraid I hit you with my golf ball," the golfer says. "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?" "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize." And he walks off. "What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. "I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want ... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life." A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the American golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him. "Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?" "My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. "I'm an internationally famous golfer now. By the way, it's good to see you're all right." "Oh, I'm fine now, thank ye. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?" "Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "When I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!" "I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?" The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK." "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a week?" Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once, sometimes twice a week." "What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?" "Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish."
Once you have opened this bulletin, there's no turning back. Below are true descriptions of zodiac signs, with traits from a book written 35 years ago by an astrologist predictionist. Read your sign, then repost this in a new bulletin with your zodiac sign and label, or you'll get bad luck for the number of years stated in your sign description. This is real shit, try ignoring it, and the first thing you'll notice is having a horrible day starting tomorrow morning - and it only gets worse from there. .:VIRGO:. The Virgin Dominant in relationships. Sexy. someone loves them right now. Freak in bed. Always wants the last word. Caring. Smart. Intellectual. Attractive. Loud. Loyal. Easy to talk to. Hard to forget Love at first sight. Everything you ever wanted. Easy to please. The one and only. Ultimate sexiness. 7 years of bad luck if you do not repost. .:SCORPIO:. The sex addict Can be mean. EXTREMELY sexy. Intelligent. Energetic. Predict future. Most erotic. (Freak in bed.) (GREAT kisser.) Always get what they want. Sexy. Attractive. Easy going. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. The sexiest ever....Romantic. Caring. 4 years of bad luck if you do not repost. .:LIBRA:. The lucky lover Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing n Bed..!!! Did I say Amazing in Bed? not the kind of person you wanna #### with... u might end up crying... the most irresistible. 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost. .:ARIES:. The Liar Outgoing. Lovable. Spontanious. Not one to #### with. Erotic. Funny. Take you on trips to the moon in bed. Excellent kisser EXTREMELY sexy. Loves being in long relationships.=) Addictive. Loud. best in bed. 16 years of bad luck if you do not repost. .:AQUARIUS:. Does it in the water Trustworthy. Sexy. Great kisser. One of a kind. Loves being in long-term relationships. Extremely energetic. Unpredictable. Will exceed your expectations. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out. Amazing in bed, THE BEST LOVERS BETTER THAN EVERYONE! 2 years of bad luck if you do not repost. .:GEMINI:. Does Twosomes Nice. Love is one of a kind. Great listeners Very Good in bed. Lover not a fighter, but will still knock you the #### out. Trustworthy. Always happy. Loud. Talkative. Outgoing VERY FORGIVING. Loves to make out. Has a beautiful smile. Generous. Strong. ULTRA SEXY. THE MOST IRRESISTABLE. 9 years of bad luck if you do not repost. .:LEO:. The Lion in bed Great talker. Sexy and passionate. Laid back. Knows how to have fun. Is really good at it. Great kisser. Unpredictable. Outgoing. Down to earth. Addictive. Attractive. Loud. Loves being in long relationships. Talkative. Not one to mess with. Rare to find. Good when found. 7 years of bad luck if you do not repost. .:CANCER:. The Cutie MOST AMAZING KISSER. Very high ### appeal. Great in bed!!! Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you will ever meet! Entirely creative. Extremely random and proud of it. Freak in bed. Spontaneous. Great tellin stories. Not a Fighter, But will Knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold on to. 12 years of bad luck if you do not repost. .:PISCES:. The Piece of ass Caring and kind. Smart. Center of attention. Too Sexy, DAMN IT. Very high ### appeal. Has the last word. The best to find, hardest to keep. Fun to be around. Freak in the sheets. Extremely weird but in a good way. Super good in bed. Good Sense of Humor!!! Thoughtful. A partner for life. Always gets what he or she wants. Loves to joke. Very popular. Silly, fun and sweet. 5 years of bad luck if you do not repost. .:CAPRICORN:. The Passionate Lover Love to bust. Nice. Sassy. Intelligent. Sexy. Predict future. Irrestible, awesome kisser. Loves being in long relationships. Great talker. Always gets what he or she wants. BY FAR the BEST in BED. Very sexy. Coolest. Loves to own Gemini's in sports. Extremely fun. Loves to joke. Loves to be your first. So you'll never forget. Smart. 24 years of bad luck if you do not repost. .:TAURUS The Tramp Aggressive. Freak in bed. Rare to find! Loves being in long relationships.=] Likes to give a good fight for what they want. Extremely outgoing. Sexy as ........ Loves to help people in times of need. Outstanding kisser. Very funny. Awesome personality. Stubborn. Sexual as ......... Most caring person you will ever meet! One of a kind. Not one to #### with. Are the most sexiest people on earth! 15 years of bad luck if you do not repost. .:SAGITTARIUS:. The Sexy one Spontaneous. Horny. Freak in Bed. High appeal. Rare to find. Great when found. Loves being in long relationships. The one. So much love to give. Not one to mess with. Very pretty. Very romantic. Nice to everyone They meet. Their Love is one of a kind. Silly, fun and sweet. Have own unique sexiness. Most caring person you will ever meet! Amazing in Bed..!!! Did I say Amazing in Bed? Not the kind of person you wanna fuck with you might end up crying. 4 years of bad luck if you do not>:

Discontented?

and yet here is another one that may offend but again... if it does... it proves a point! I didn't write this, but I admire the person who did! Good reminders as we enter the New Year! Try to see the glass half full and not half empty! In this case, MUCH more than HALF full! Discontented? The Newsweek poll alleges that 67% of Americans are unhappy with the direction the country is headed and 69% of the country is unhappy with the performance of the president. In essence 2/3 of the citizenry just ain't happy and want a change. So being the knuckle dragger I am, I starting thinking, ''What we are so unhappy about?'' Is it that we have electricity and running water 24 hours a day, 7 days a week? Is our unhappiness the result of having air conditioning in the summer and heating in the winter? Could it be that 95.4% of these unhappy folks have a job? Maybe it is the ability to walk into a grocery store at any time and see more food in moments than Darfur has seen in the last year? Maybe it is the ability to drive from the Pacific Ocean to the Atlantic Ocean without having to present identification papers as we move through each state? Or possibly the hundreds of clean and safe motels we would find along the way that can provide temporary shelter? I guess having thousands of restaurants with varying cuisine from around the world is just not good enough. Or could it be that when we wreck our car, emergency workers show up and provide services to help all involved. Whether you are rich or poor they treat your wounds and even, if necessary, send a helicopter to take you to the hospital. Perhaps you are one of the 70% of Americans who own a home, you may be upset with knowing that in the unfortunate case of having a fire, a group of trained firefighters will appear in moments and use top notch equipment to extinguish the flames thus saving you, your family and your belongings. Or if, while at home watching one of your many flat screen TVs, a burglar or prowler intrudes; an officer equipped with a gun and a bullet-proof vest will come to defend you and your family against attack or loss. This all in the backdrop of a neighborhood free of bombs or militias raping and pillaging the residents. Neighborhoods where 90% of teenagers own cell phones and computers. How about the complete religious, social and political freedoms we enjoy that are the envy of everyone in the world? Maybe that is what has 67% of you folks unhappy. Fact is, we are the largest group of ungrateful, spoiled brats the world has ever seen. No wonder the world loves the U.S. yet has a great disdain for its citizens. They see us for what we are. The most blessed people in the world who do nothing but complain about what we don't have and what we hate about the country instead of thanking the good Lord we live here. I know, I know. What about the president who took us into war and has no plan to get us out? The president who has a measly 31% approval rating? Is this the same president who guided the nation in the dark days after 9/11? The president that cut taxes to bring an economy out of recession? Could this be the same guy who has been called every name in the book for succeeding in keeping all the spoiled brats safe from terrorist attacks? The commander in chief of an all-volunteer army that is out there defending you and me? Make no mistake about it. The troops in Iraq and Afghanistan have volunteered to serve, and in many cases have died for your freedom. There is currently no draft in this country. They didn't have to go. They are able to refuse to go and end up with either a ''general'' discharge, an ''other than honorable'' discharge or, worst case scenario, a ''dishonorable'' discharge after a few days in the brig. So why then the flat out discontentment in the minds of 69% of Americans? Say what you want but I blame it on the media. If it bleeds, it leads, and they specialize in bad news. Everybody will watch a car crash with blood and guts. How many will watch kids selling lemonade at the corner? The media knows this and media outlets are for-profit corporations. They offer what sells. Just ask why they were going to allow a murderer like O.J. Simpson to write a book and do a TV special about how he didn't kill his wife but if he did, how he would do it . Insane! Stop buying the negative venom you are fed everyday by the media. Shut off the TV, burn Newsweek, and use the New York Times for the bottom of your bird cage. Then start being grateful for all we have as a country. There is exponentially more good than bad. I close with one of my favorite quotes from B.C. Forbes in 1953: ''What have Americans to be thankful for? More than any other people on the earth, we enjoy complete religious freedom, political freedom, social freedom. Our liberties are sacredly safeguarded by the Constitution of the United States, 'the most wonderful work ever struck off at a given time by the brain and purpose of man.' Yes, we Americans of today have been bequeathed a noble heritage. Let us pray that we may hand it down unsullied to our children and theirs.'' I suggest we sit back and count our blessings for all we have. If we don't, what we have will be taken away. Then we will have to explain to future generations why we squandered such blessing and abundance. If we are not careful this generation will be known as the ''greediest and most ungrateful generation.'' A far cry from the proud Americans of the ''greatest generation'' who left us an untarnished legacy.

Proud to be White

If this offends I am sorry... but it also proves a point Proud To Be White Someone finally said it. How many are actually paying attention to this? There are African Americans, Mexican Americans, Asian Americans, Arab Americans, Native Americans, etc. And then there are just Americans. You pass me on the street and sneer in my direction. You Call me "White boy," "Cracker," "Honkey," "Whitey," "Caveman" .. And that's OK. But when I call you, Nigger, Kike, Towel head, Sand-nigger, Camel Jockey, Beaner, Gook, or Chink ... You call me a racist. You say that whites commit a lot of violence against you, So why are the ghettos the most dangerous places to live? You have the United Negro College Fund. You have Martin Luther King Day. You have Black History Month. You have Cesar Chavez Day. You Have Yom Hashoah You have Ma'uled Al-Nabi You have the NAACP. You have BET. If we had WET (White Entertainment Television) .. We'd be racists. If we had a White Pride Day .. You would call us racists. If we had White History Month We'd be racists. If we had any organization for only whites to "advance" OUR lives .. We'd be racists. We have a Hispanic Chamber of Commerce, a Black Chamber of Commerce, and then we just have the plain Chamber of Commerce. Wonder who pays for that? If we had a college fund that only gave white students scholarships ... You know we'd be racists. There are over 60 openly proclaimed Black Colleges in the US , yet if there were "White colleges" .. THAT would be a racist college. In the Million Man March, you believed that you were marching For your race and rights. If we marched for our race and rights, You would call us racists. You are proud to be black, brown, yellow and orange, and you're Not afraid to announce it. But when we announce our white pride .. You call us racists. You rob us, carjack us, and shoot at us. But, when a white police officer Shoots a black gang member or beats up a black drug-dealer running From the law and posing a threat to society .. You call him a racist. I am proud. But, you call me a racist. Why is it that only whites can be racists? There is nothing improper about this e-mail. Let's see which of you are proud enough to send it on.
A first for America...The Koran replaces the Bible at swearing-in oath What book will America base it's values on, the Bible or the Koran? America, Not Keith Ellison, decides what book a congressman takes his oath on By Dennis Prager - Tuesday, November 28, 2006 Keith Ellison, D-Minn., the first Muslim elected to the United States Congress, has announced that he will not take his oath of office on the Bible, but on the bible of Islam, the Koran. He should not be allowed to do so -- not because of any American hostility to the Koran, but because the act undermines American civilization. First, it is an act of hubris that perfectly exemplifies multiculturalist activism -- my culture trumps America's culture. What Ellison and his Muslim and leftist supporters are saying is that it is of no consequence what America holds as its holiest book; all that matters is what any individual holds to be his holiest book. Forgive me, but America should not give a hoot what Keith Ellison's favorite book is. Insofar as a member of Congress taking an oath to serve America and uphold its values is concerned, America is interested in only one book, the Bible. If you are incapable of taking an oath on that book, don't serve in Congress. In your personal life, we will fight for your right to prefer any other book. We will even fight for your right to publish cartoons mocking our Bible. But, Mr. Ellison, America, not you, decides on what book its public servants take their oath. Devotees of multiculturalism and political correctness who do not see how damaging to the fabric of American civilization it is to allow Ellison to choose his own book need only imagine a racist elected to Congress. Would they allow him to choose Hitler's "Mein Kampf," the Nazis' bible, for his oath? And if not, why not? On what grounds will those defending Ellison's right to choose his favorite book deny that same right to a racist who is elected to public office? Of course, Ellison's defenders argue that Ellison is merely being honest; since he believes in the Koran and not in the Bible, he should be allowed, even encouraged, to put his hand on the book he believes in. But for all of American history, Jews elected to public office have taken their oath on the Bible, even though they do not believe in the New Testament, and the many secular elected officials have not believed in the Old Testament either. Yet those secular officials did not demand to take their oaths of office on, say, the collected works of Voltaire or on a volume of New York Times editorials, writings far more significant to some liberal members of Congress than the Bible. Nor has one Mormon official demanded to put his hand on the Book of Mormon. And it is hard to imagine a scientologist being allowed to take his oath of office on a copy of "Dianetics" by L. Ron Hubbard. So why are we allowing Keith Ellison to do what no other member of Congress has ever done -- choose his own most revered book for his oath? The answer is obvious -- Ellison is a Muslim. And whoever decides these matters, not to mention virtually every editorial page in America, is not going to offend a Muslim. In fact, many of these people argue it will be a good thing because Muslims around the world will see what an open society America is and how much Americans honor Muslims and the Koran. This argument appeals to all those who believe that one of the greatest goals of America is to be loved by the world, and especially by Muslims because then fewer Muslims will hate us (and therefore fewer will bomb us). But these naive people do not appreciate that America will not change the attitude of a single American-hating Muslim by allowing Ellison to substitute the Koran for the Bible. In fact, the opposite is more likely: Ellison's doing so will embolden Islamic extremists and make new ones, as Islamists, rightly or wrongly, see the first sign of the realization of their greatest goal -- the Islamicization of America. When all elected officials take their oaths of office with their hands on the very same book, they all affirm that some unifying value system underlies American civilization. If Keith Ellison is allowed to change that, he will be doing more damage to the unity of America and to the value system that has formed this country than the terrorists of 9-11. It is hard to believe that this is the legacy most Muslim Americans want to bequeath to America. But if it is, it is not only Europe that is in trouble. Please God, grant me the Serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the Courage to change the one I can, and the Wisdom to know it's me.
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