Help, Im Alive

my whole Life

2011-04-17T23:17:21-07:00

People...I just do not get sometimes.
And I really dont want to try to understand them.
NewsFlash. You still annoy me. And I dont need you.

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Being one color or another on Fu will not make me notice you more.
In fact, if you are a certain envy color, I will not notice you, but look past you.
Being a certain color, now shows me what your true intentions are.

But enough about fu...

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My life has gotten a bit more complicated. This was something I was hoping I could avoid and somehow it would disapear.
Anyone know of any magic makers?

More lately my fists have been clenched and white.
I dont like having to have my wall up, waiting for the next mind-fuck-attack.
As times goes by the more I forget about the good and the bad of that used to be life.
I dont miss him. I miss having someone to wake up with, someone to care for, someone to cook for .

Love for me has changed. It was never the stuff of fairytales. But the need to be crazy deep inlove with someone, the feeling that you would die without that person, is no longer.
Ive had to pick myself up, mend,be broken, and mend again, enough times. I am sufficient. I am enough.
Although I love someone more than I thought I could again, its different.
I need saftey. I need secuirty. I need respect. I need equailty. These are things I Assumed came with Loving someone.
But it is not so. To say you love someone doesnt always mean you get the whole kit and kaboodle.
You live in a fantasy if you think so. �

You do not need to bring me flowers, etc. You need to put your own dirty clothes in the hamper, not on top of the lid of the hamper, not right next to the hamper, but inside.
You do not need to sweep me off my feet, you need to respect me and not assume, since I am a woman, that I will be your servant, since you are a man.�

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Things I cannot take are lack of comminication .
For about a year, I lived with a man that would barely talk about anything but about WoW.
I need conversations. I need discussions. I need a battle of wits. I need need sarcasm.

Selfishness is something I will not tolerate.
To bring every conversation back to you, to think your problems are always worse, is something I have no time for.
This goes for lovers and friends alike.

Neediness. Parts of it I will accept. As people we like to know that people need us.
But, if you are conastly asking, expecting for things , then, see ya.
If all you talk to me about, is requests for something, then chances are, I wont talk to you much.

I am a very giving person. I love to be able to help people.
But I am handling the responsibitles that were meant for two, alone.
If you need me, I will be there. But know, that my daughter will always, come first.�

This blog serves little purpose other than for myself, and letting out things I am not able to on a healthy basis.�

win or lose

2010-11-13T18:13:22-08:00

So, much has happened in the world outside of this place.

I got a better position at work. Im a full time Chat Support for VIZIO.
So, if you need some elhelpo with your TV etc, chat me ;)

Im hardly ever on here anymore, and my addiction is no longer.
Im still here for some friends, but its sad, that some friendships have drifted apart, because we only talked on here, and since I dont have time for this place, we dont talk. But I always have my cell on me. So if you think I love you enough, ask for the number, and you might get it.

My birthday is this month. Im gonna do childish stuff that i wont get to when Im older. Like sliding down stair cases on �a matress, or anything random and crazy.

But I just want some of you to know, I do love you, and Out of Sight, Out of Mind, doesnt apply to you, even if it does to me.
( i dont expect you all to want to talk to me everyday, but I do cherish some of you, even if Im not on your top whatever)

That being said, I just dont care about ranking, anymore. Points, levels. Just blah. and pointless. Im not trying to bash it for anyone who enjoys it, or to make my self feel above anyone. I wish i had the time to veg out �on here like I used to, but I dont.

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I get up at 8 am every morning. Get ready for work by 830, get my baby ready, for either going over to the inlaws, or to stay home with grandma. out the door by 930. Home by 830.Eat dinner, spend time with my kid, get her to bed hopefully by 1030. and pass out with her normally. Now let me know, where in there i have time for anything lol.�

But Im loving life more. I have a guy that makes me smile every day and everynight. A wonderfully smart 2 year old.Amazing family, great friends.�

Not that all is rosey. I still need to get my whole seperation/divorce/anullment thing worked out. and soon.
Living with my parents, and they are having money problems with the house. If they cant get it a loan modifactionworked out, we will be out on the streets Dec 1st. So .please keeps us in your prayers.

�Well, if you felt left out of my life, theres the long and short of it.

Love you.�

hurt

2010-09-15T19:02:40-07:00

im not gonna lie. it hurts.and i dont know what i did to deserve it.and almost just wanna be done with it. i used to be there, but now after time passes, and im not here much, ive gone down. and yes, it hurts, cause ive been through a lot. but its fine, my ego has been crushed enough this month. and although you'll still be there,and i wont be, I'll still love you.But i can see now, where i stand, in all honesty.out of sight, out of mind.

im not writting this for anyone to understand it. cause i dont want drama, and i dont want questions. i just wanted to put it out there.and it might not even have to do with FU, so dont assume,please.

little men

2010-09-06T06:47:50-07:00

Last night i was told some things by someone i dont know/These things made me roll my eyes.

First thing being obviously I'm emo. and thats why i delete people.

Secondly, the only reason im online is becuase im unhappy in my�marriage.

And thats of course the reason why i have Lu as a best friend,because im lacking soo much in my marriage.

And i'm also jealous of bald-cancer-patient looking guys. Cuase theres no way I can compete with that.

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If i dont want you as a friend, im not gonna pretend, and have you on my list, cause thats just a waste of both of our time.Point being, i didnt need him as a friend, and someone was butt hurt.

If you lie about, and hurt someone that i deeply care about, then you're gone.I wont even waste my time to explain it to you.

I gave you a second chance, because. she did.

Let me get this straight, I love Lu. Im not in love with her like i am my husband. Lu is great,shes the best woman I know.Shes my bestie, and my wifey, but i dont need you guys thinking we are having a real life relationship,becasue she deserves a man that can devote himself to her, im not gonna get jealous if a man replaces me in the number one�position. I want lu to be happy,But I am protective of her, because I see her worth,, and most guys dont.
So please back off the drama train, and grow some balls men.

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skinny genes

2010-08-28T20:26:43-07:00

I really don’t like your point of view
I know you’ll never change
Stingin' me with your attitude
I've got the mind to walk away

I really don't like your arrogance
Or your policies
You're ninety-nine percent an embarrassment
With just one quality

[Chorus:]
I don't mind it when you [whistles]
Brings out the best in me when you [whistles]
Show your expertise
When the night always ends with a fight�
I'm excited that you wind up next to me

I like it when you [whistles]
Can I have some please of that [whistles]
Satisfy my needs
Sometimes I fake that I hate you and make up
So you wind up next to me

I really don't like your skinny jeans
So take them off for me
Show me what you've got underneath
So we can do this properly

I really don't like the way you smile
When you think you're right
But I will forgive you, the yolk is in the middle
And I'm chewing through the white

[Chorus]

dreamt that you were on a train
you were leaving, you were leaving
You made me think of what I'd miss
You were leavin', you were leavin'

I don't mind it when you [whistles]
Brings out the best in me when you [whistles]
Show your expertise
When the night always ends with a fight I'm excited
That you wind up next to me

I like it when you [whistles]
Can I have some please of that [whistles]
Take off your skinny jeans
Sometimes I fake that I hate you and make up
So you wind up next to me

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eliza doolittle / skinny genes

hearts

2010-07-29T03:30:37-07:00

So there comes a time in your life, when you meet someone. Someone damned special. And its something you never expected.
Something you never thought you wanted, but now that is has comes, you for fucking sure dont want to be without that person.

Lura. I love you. You mean the world to me. In a short amount of time, you have put so many smiles on my face.
A lot of people will come and go, buy you my dear, you must stay with me. Or else. I love you,but I'll threaten you. Rawr.

So I got a jobby today. Working for Vizio. Tech support. Call center job.
I hate being on phones. and it will only be a matter of time till i hate this job as well. But its money, and i need moolah.
Just one income isnt enough.I wanna be able to move out and get our own place. I need more room then just this.
so if he gets this job as well, and a combined income of 22bucks an hour, it should be a lot easier.

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slapaho

2010-07-21T00:53:35-07:00

So I was homeschooled. From 5th grade till th end of highschool.
So maybe thats why I never got into the whole drama and backstabbing thing?
People need to grow up. Ok? lets work on that.

OR
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So on the other. You're great. I think imma keep you.
Under my bed, in my pocket, and with my lady parts. Rawr.

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Today was laundry day. So its been a busy day. and shitfuck man, we got tons of rain. which cooled things down a bit, but the humidity is still nasty.

and thats all i have to say.

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This concludes our broadcast day. Click.�

A photo Blog

2010-07-19T10:09:36-07:00

So because I can, Im gonna right a little about myself. Just some random things.Things from the past.Read if you like. There will be pictures.

Firstly, I miss being close to my younger sister Rachel. We were tighter then you can imagine.
But things happen, and people change,and you grow apart.
But one of the greatest nights of my life is when Rach and I were pretending to snort pixie sticks, pretending to be Gangster, and listening to BSB.

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Fuck we were fabulous. Still are. You wish you could be that gangster.

Rachel and I used to get all dressed up just to take pictures together with the webcam.It always was a night of glam, and laughs.And random weird videos that no one would understand but her and I.
When we were younger, rach and I would play Barbies all night. till like 3am.She always ended up playing with most of the barbies cause she had the better imagination.
Pics of us when we were youngins:

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yeah. i looked like an old lady.it was for a christmas thing for school,hence my fancy dress.this was in 1st grade.

me in the pink bishes. look at those killer shoes. and that my pop. and rachel. i musta been like..12.ish.

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and im gonna leave you with this.

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I love her.my sister. rachel (h)�

So What

2010-07-12T05:56:40-07:00

So first of all, to make sure i cover everything, im gonna make a list of talking points.
1 .�obsession�over fakers.�
2. stupidity and how it affects us all
3. Ass kissing
4. Beggers, and those who hate them
5. and maybe some nice things about the people I love.

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Okay, so the fist subject. I can see why people would get upset over fakes. I do from time to time. Point them out when I see them etc. but i am not going to make a whole ordeal over it. So this brings us to the next subject. Stupidity. If you're stupid enough to get blown over by the fakes, then you fucking deserve it. Its the god damn internet people, take it easy, its not real life. Take a fucking step back from the screen, and look around. Theres fakers everywhere.�

Fuck. This place makes me sick sometimes. Almost violently. Till I'm rubbing my temples wondering what the fuck these dumbasses are thinking (if they even have a mind to think).�

Okay adding a new subject. Drama and emo.�
We all can be emo at times. Even I am. But I dont really fucking care most of the time, unless its a valid reason.Im a good person to vent to, but it better be fucking legit, cause i have my own life and problems. Do not whine all fucking day of why you need this bling or that.You do not NEED anything from this site. And God help you if you need something flashing picture to get�validation�that someone loves you.

�Ass kissing. Is a big one here. So who the fuck cares that someone is a top member or a legend. Its means nothing more to me than being voted "most popular" in fucking highschool. �Im not gonna rate you, fan fuck you, just in hopes you smile my way. Go fuck yourself with your damn boomie, and stop telling me to Bang it.

So a little bit of brightness.Ive met some new friends. My TpC women.All of them are great. But some are amazing. And Im glad Ive met them just when I wasnt looking, and didnt think there was any more good on here then what I already had. Namely Lu and B. Beautiful women.Everyone should show them lovins.
And of course all the Family I already have. Feet, Oak,Thorn,Famous,the two mentioned above.;Well fuck just check the list. If I LOVE you, you're in there. Everyone else has to work on it.

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So, I dont really want to talk about the last point. Cause we all know its annoying to beg.

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So all in all. People suck. Really suck in most cases. But a few dont. And those are the people I love. And please, some may get jealous or emoy about not being in my list of loves. But I dont give a fuck, and the more you whine, the more you're not getting in there.So back the fuck off or my list of blocks is gonna get even larger.

This site is nothing�serious�for me. Its something to pass the time, and play the game, and love on my friends. The rest gets blown away with the breeze.�

Hate is all you need

2010-07-02T23:01:41-07:00

People are such a great inspiration, for hate.

�Soo.....you're a whore whore ho ho whore.
And your picctures are fugly. You wouldnt even go for much ona street corner.
So stop trying to get some on here. youre not BBW.More like BUW.big ugly woman.

On a side note. I hate when people call other people fat. like its a news flash to them
"whaT? im fat? i thought i was wearing a size 4 all these years!! thanks for the update!"�

�If you're tooo active on Fu, im gonna delete you. Leaving people lame "i showed you love today arent i amazing?" statuses�
right and left? GONE. Uploading thousands of pictures of you on your crappy cell phone using the same pose? Double GONE.

the people on the right all have crappy blogs. like i really want to bother my busy day with listening to them on how
FU should have fucking twilight bling. I boycott that idea right now. SHut that fucking idea down.Burn it.

I see a JohhnyDevil blog. Now those are better then the rest on the right side list.

I feel like bitch slapping some peeeeeeps.

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On the other hand. I love loverface for getting me my fist boomerang. now i need my first cherrybomb.
Need a job, and i shall work on that.

Footie, i lovers you. You're still my numba one.

I need to clear out my computer. I guess it thinks that 30some gigs of music is a lot. And imma thinking, oh you poor computer, thats not even half of what i want to have one you.�

�Having something evil or sinful in your name does not make you mysterious,dangerous, or sexy.

I dont waste my time on fakes. If you ask to be my friend, and you're new, i'll give you a week or two to get a salute
if none by that time, you're outta here.

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