xxWritingsxx

How did you think I would FEEL

noreply@fubar.com (xx Lil Miss Bitch xx) — Mon, 22 Apr 2013 14:42:46 -0700

your fingers unraveled the innocence that consumed every
inch of my bare skin, blending into my stomach muscles and
forming into the contour shape of my face. your lips that tasted
of alcohol and cigarettes were draining toxins into my bloodstream
and the ribbon that held my morality in place became loosened
when your tongue danced around my mouth .

--you were just as lost in the moment as i was,
scrambling my soon-to-be pointless emotions and your words
that were so hauntingly rehearsed to the point where i believed them.
but just because our intoxicating thoughts clawed at racing
heartbeats and created some form of comfort didn't mean that
this had to succumb to anything relevant to what i was feeling,

love was knocking on the window, and i needed to breathe.
but instead, you bolted it shut, and watched me suffocate as
you inhaled my sincerity and endured it to adapt to your lungs.

i let you back in, doubt swarming the ill stinging that
settled in the seams of my stomach .

--
i think about it all the time, and it hurts.
it really fucking hurts .

the silence we consented to afterwards was inevitable, but my
hopes had heightened anyway. my mind was altered to believe
in you, to wander through the darkened crevices of your ribcage
and conquer a space someplace close by your wretched heart where
i would amount to mean something.

i restrained myself from letting it become personal, clinging to the
quirks and the immediate red flags i had noticed when your presence
became isolated. i knew you weren't a safe bet,
that vodka-stained phrases and
belated messages were a sign of loneliness,
not a sighting
for dedication .

but for whatever reason, i craved you,
entirely,
for what you were,
for everything you weren't
and you ambled so aimlessly out of my life.

so, all i can do in return
for some fucking approach toward closure
is to write you so aimlessly out of mine .

My Only Exception

noreply@fubar.com (xx Lil Miss Bitch xx) — Sat, 20 Apr 2013 18:25:54 -0700

I told myself I’d never let love in,
to stand on guard and not give in.
I told myself I’d find a way
to be alone and keep it that way.

But you came along
and changed everything
with a smile on your face
and your breath full of song...

And you are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception,
my only exception.

When days faded into sweet nights full of lullaby
I told myself to let you go, to simply say goodbye.
I thought it would be easier to leave and move on.
But I turned on the radio, your song was heard upon...

And you are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception,
my only exception.

You make it easier, oh so much easier
to live this life and realize
I don’t want to do this without you by my side
because

You are the only exception.
You are the only exception.
You are the only exception,
my only exception.

And you are [But you came along ] the only exception.
You are [and changed everything] the only exception.
You are [with a smile on your face] the only exception.
My only [and your breath full of song...] exception

( Inspired by a song)

�

Not a word

noreply@fubar.com (xx Lil Miss Bitch xx) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 17:41:06 -0700

have not felt this,

since long ago.

My heart beats faster,

and my body heat grows.

Your smile is warm,

and I can't help but return it.

I feel odd,

which is not bad.

It is happiness,

I'm just not used to it yet.

Just talking to you,

lifts my mood.

And every single day,

I can't wait to see you.

�

But I'm actually scared,

that you'll know what I feel.

I don't want you to ignore me,

not like the others.

I know you're different,

but the fear will always linger.

I just want to be by your side,

supporting you.

I just want to see your smile,

and hug you.

I just want you in my life,

even if my lips will be sealed.

If it means staying by you,

my lips shall utter not a word.

Your No Good For Me

noreply@fubar.com (xx Lil Miss Bitch xx) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 16:11:20 -0700

I�m wrapped in the blankets of guilt
And shackled by the chains of regret.
Did keeping me as your prisoner
Bring you amusement.
Had causing me this intolerable pain
Given you some sort of sick thrill.

I�ve had enough

I�m sick of your mind games,
You dragged me down into your grave
For so long, but I will not follow you down anymore.
I�ll no longer be your useless doll,
The one you dressed up
To be exactly what you wanted.

I�m leaving you behind

No more will I be captivated
By your gorgeous yet cynical eyes
Or the sound of your soothing voice.
I�m erasing you from my life
So don�t except a kiss goodbye.
I�m walking away without regret.

Cause Darling, you�re no good for me

Broken Romantic

noreply@fubar.com (xx Lil Miss Bitch xx) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 16:10:13 -0700

Holding my breath,
As if it were my last,
Because with every breath I take,
I lose a bit more of you.
And I�m not ready to lose you.

A vision of perfection,
Held dear in my heart.
Your voice still echoes in my sleep,
I can�t take it anymore,
Just take this gun and end it all.

I watched your promises,
All fall apart.
I heard your lies but I still believed.
I thought I loved you,
But I was wrong,
You tore my heart in two.

For our past,
I blame myself.
I�m still shedding the tears,
Meant for you.
Your love for me was a lie. (A lie I believed)

Your embrace does not phase me anymore.
Your kiss is no longer my security.
Throwing the memories away,
Say goodbye to who we used to be.
I�m letting go.

I watched your promises,
All fall apart.
I heard your lies but I still believed.
I thought I loved you,
But I was wrong,
You tore my heart in two.

I�m a broken romantic,
But I�m letting go.

Make me Feel

noreply@fubar.com (xx Lil Miss Bitch xx) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 16:05:45 -0700

Kill me so i know
what real pain feels like.

Choke me so i can feel
what it means to be
breathless.

Stab me in the heart
so i know what means
to cry rivers of blood.

Beat me so i know why
real tears are shed.

Cut me deep to make
my world come to a halt

Throw me so i know
what it feels to be
thrown away.

Leave me cold lying
on the corner so i
know what it means
to be trash.

Drag me, kicking and
screaming, to show
me real love

Push&pull me
Use and abuse
me...

Make me realise
what a mistake
i was in your
life.

Make me feel worthy
of living...

Baby what Now

noreply@fubar.com (xx Lil Miss Bitch xx) — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 16:03:40 -0700

Your choking on rainbow

beads and gasoline

You swear it tastes like me.

Like alphabet soup that pours your written words down my throat

Did I force it down for you?

&& like your clenching teeth

The vibrations from these speakers,

feel so good against bare skin.

You leave a melodic scale of bruises along my thighs

--You play me like sweet, sweet music.

I love the way you love;hold;make;break;fuck me [over.]

'Cus I'm your easy-bake dinner

Eat me up [Before I'm cold.]

All this time I convinced myself

The words I couldn't hear you mutter-

Were sweet.

But can I blame you for playing me

When I play myself?

You ask me to whisper in three-word sentences.

I only manage a Baby.I.Can't.

&& an Are.You.Disappointed?

but I never said I.love.you

I am just a stain on your sheet

A kiss on the cheek

A fuck for the week

We made meaningless pinkie-promises sealed with sweat

As we swore to be together [for at least tonight.]

I cross my ♥heart♥ and hoped

& hoped to die

Because I can't decide if love is more than clawing at bathroom stalls

Trying to read my story on the walls

Is love more than

trying to

Vomit up the heart

You're not

even sure

You have...?

�