thinking , reflecting

Good Man

2013-05-06T09:27:00-07:00

How do you know a good man , when u see one �

is it in his eyes ? in his smile, in his heart ?�

You might of already meet him ..�

he treats you like gold ..�

His friendship is amazing ..�

His words are true to his actions�

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But remember noone is perfect , we all have our faults..�

I'm sick of hearing how there are no men out there ..�

or no good women too ..�

there's so many good people out there ..�

it's just people get hurt and some get hurt more then others ..�

some can forgive easily and some can't ..�

and of course thier are people who hurt others for thier own enjoyment ..�

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Good Men are out there , i know quite a few of them , they have good hearts and good souls .�

U hear so many stories of people with heart breaks here .. and in two years and change ive had quite of my own lil fu heart hearks but that doesn't mean im going to stop loving or trusting everyone , it just means we have to be careful who we let close .. sometimes we get hurt and we can stronger from it. but it's not always easy.

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Shall be the foreigner tonight ?

2013-03-23T17:28:43-07:00

Shall i be the foregner tonight ?�

the one to be asked so many questions .. about the place where im orignally from ..�

shall i play the student ? shall pretend not to speak englishto lead them all astray ..�

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shall i fake an american for the whole night just to not stand out ?�

shall i be brave and take the hit .?..�

be nice and smile even though ive heard the same joke a million times over ?�

hmm shall i be the foreignor tongiht�

or can i just be me ?

Gone but not forgotten

2013-03-23T17:19:26-07:00

Flying home ,�

seeing my homeland from the sky ...�

seeing it all again before i die..�

looking the trees and clouds ...�

seeing everything i knew from so long ago ..�

hearing things again i used to hear all the time�

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being reconnected to the land and the spirit of it ,�

being reconnected to who i am as a Australian�

It was so strange feeling liek a tourist in my own country�

after being away so very long ..�

it was so strange having more friends here then i did back home ...�

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it was so lovely seeing my brothers, my sisters my sunts , my uncles my cousins ..�

its funny how u miss them bugging you .. when your family is usually so far away ..�

it was funny feeling like family again , i didn't even always know what to say ...�

it was funny feeling loved , loved each and every day ..�

it was so funny feeling so out of place ..�

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Next time i will make it better , next time i will do more .. i'll have a plan i'll set in in almost stone ..�

whenever is it the next timei �go home ..�

i hope its not for a sad reason that i have to fly ...�

each time i leave my aussie family many many tears i cry ..�

each time i leave them ... i feel like im ripped into two part of my soul stays there with them ...�

and part goes back on the plane .. back to the land i call home for now .. and into the unforseeable future..

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Growing up

2013-03-23T17:00:48-07:00

Growing up ,�

good bye fairyfales ,�

good bye believing everyone is good�

good �bye to that cosy lil world .. with sheltered walls�

hello to bills , and thrills ..�

hello to responsibility�

good bye to going out so much�

hello to staying in ...�

good bye to most of my foolish desires�

hello to politics�

�hello to trying to understand humanity ..�

hello to trying to understand me�

to having questions to things i cannot answer ..�

and understanding things i cannot see ..

growing up is interesting phenonomeon

sometimes you feel like your growing older ..�

and sometimes you feel like a kid at heart�

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sometimes you want to revive old memories ..�

sometimes you want to make new ones�

Life such as canvas ...�

We must decide on how will paint on it !

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Lifes Memories

2012-11-30T09:38:28-08:00

Another year is almost over , and i still remember the sunshine , the smiles .. the way you guys looked at me like i was family .. i was at home .. there was nothing i could do to not belong ... you guys saw the best and the worst of me .. And it ripped my heart open to leave , and it ripped my heart open to stay .. there was no way i could leave my daughter , when i promised her id be back , there was no way i could sleep at night knowing she wasn't there in my arms .. My family told me to stay but i really had no choice but to leave ..i had to finish this thing for once and for all . And now my ex is finally out of my heart in most ways . hes a friend and the father of my daughter , but i know hes not the one for me , and im not the one for him .. and lifes goes on .. we turn over so many rocks trying to fighting youll ge the right one .. theres so much much in the saying that once u start stop looking they will find you ...well im tired of looking tired of putting myself out there im just going to live my life . one step at a time .. love doesnt drift away ... love remains ... and theres nothing you can do to change it ..�

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So here i here again waiting for chirstmas to come , im making sure im not alone for the holidays .. cause its such a sucky time to be alone . i'll be with friends and family , especially my lil girl .. and that is so precious .. i got her back . now i just have to do everything within my power to keep her .. and raise her the best i can so she can go out into theworld again ...�

time is a strange thing , sometimes it seems like its fliying and sometimes it seems like its saying still .. but it never stops .. it never pauses no matter what happens , kind of like the ocean .. and if you don't keep swimming it drags u under...�

Kindness

2012-11-25T06:18:59-08:00

Kindness�

is not just a thing , kindness is a way of way of life ,�

being able to smile at a sad stranger , being able to pick up someones keys when they fall .. ,�

kindness is caring for one another , and treating each other equally �no matter what thier position or title is in life .

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we are all the same , and yet some of us judge others like they better somehow ...�

with the belief that they deserve more then others ... just because of who they are ...�

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but its the people that still work hard , love thier families and friends , aquanitances , which are happier by far ...�

they may not have much in terms of monetary goods .. but neither do they deisire or crave it the way others do ..�

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is money a means to an end .. or like your best friend ?�

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If you had money would would you share ?, if you had money would you care ?�

would you something to give back to those less unfortunate or would keep it , spend it on yourself or save ever last penny and die with money still left behind ?

Mona

2012-11-24T06:12:38-08:00

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Mona

Sweet , caring �gentle soul

you can just look in her eyes and tell shes a good person ..�

she care oh how she cares ..�

she loves ohh how she loves ..

and makes you feel so welcome ...�

so very welcome ..�

her home is my home ...�

she's of the special people ..�

one that i will never forget ..�

never stop loving .. and won't ever stop loving or caring about me either ...�

Home away from home

2012-11-24T06:08:44-08:00

im home away from home ...�

enjoyiing the peace and the quirt of the country .. listening to the sounds of the wild animlals .. breathing in the fresh clean air .. i Love it here it makes me want to write and write , draw and paint ... it inspires me�

if i die tomorrow at least ive had today , in this special place ... with my family ..�

at least id of cried most of my tears .. Loved many , trusted few ... forgiven .. and on the right path befored i �died ..�

it is just so peaceful here you have to embrace its beauty ...�

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I love this the way theres so much land for my daughter to run outisde and chase the dogs , to help �with the outisde work not cause she has to but cause she wants to ..�

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This is my thanksgiving and i got to help yesterday with the cooking of the evening meal , and the eating of the evening meal .. i ate so much my stomache hurt .. and then waited a lil more .. then ate pie too.. peacan pie with icecream and then we watched a movie together it was beautiful .. home sweet home ...�

Special People

2012-11-20T07:38:04-08:00

so i love love meeting new couples at work , and listening to thier stories about how they met and so on , it always fascinates me how love can just happen so quickly , and unexpectedly ..�

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theres a few of my favourite people who come in once a week to see me , and actually these two arn't a coule its a mother and son .. he moved back to live with her and take care of her in her old age . we every week they order the specials from the menu .. every week she has her coffee and then he has his blue moon .. and then he usually orders a soup to eat while while for the main course ... anyway thier very sweet this time they were talking about thier neighbours and how thier naighbours might be under witness protection cause in a year theyve barely said a word to each other , not even wave or anything , and these two are some of the nicest , friendilest people ever ..�

its funny how the neighbourhood changing they said , funny how people don't really talk to each other like they used to , as if conversation isn't a highly valued thing anymore . i mean if these two were my naighbours id definately make the effort to say hello when ever i saw them , wave to them if i saw them in the street stop to chat with them if we bumped into each other while grocerie shopping.�

well each week i look forward to them and listening to thier stories , and they like to hear a little about me too , which is always nice .One week she came in whith a bunch of books and i started asking questions , coming to find out she now had like 40 mystery novels .. she wondered if she could ever read them all in a year . so we started talking about books and what we liked and then she said .. well i could bring a few in with me next time if you like i said well you don't have to , but if u'd like to that would be lovely �and the next time i saw her she gave me a bunch of books to read and when im done with them im going to pass them on the local nursing home .. and maybe actaully read one to my special friend there , i love to see her face light up when i read to her , she's a sweet lady with big blue eyes ... and large caring heart ... most of the regulars are gone from the time i used to work there but she's still there holding on... she's a got a special place in my heart and always will have . I promised to take my daughter to see her next time i go , and since nias off school this week guess where she will be going to visit during some of her free time. you guessed right the nursing home , and probably the library too. �.

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Gone and Buried

2012-11-18T05:28:57-08:00

Buried and gone�

my spirit moves on ,�

you left this place , back to dust u go�

and all my fear dies with you ..�

no more nightmares of waking up and finding you in my house , hurting my daughter, or hurting anyone i love ..�

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no other girl will face the misery of losing of losing her innocence long before its time ..�

no other girl will dread your footsteps walking in the hall ..�

no other will be forced to taste your bitter twisted lips..�

or touch you in places , where she would never on her own ..�

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to the ground you go .. you had longer then my mother ...�

and you did little to help others , you barely could help yourself ..�

but my brother loved you more then anyone else .. and he was constantly by ur side ...�

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in death you'll have the peace you never had in life , you'll no guilt of wrong doings ...�

noone to show up and confront you �ever , ever again ..�

gone and buried forever ..�