tag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-2319832008-07-16T07:48:38-07:00SugarA fubar user blog.ScarlettMylovehttp://fubar.com/scarlettmylove333noreply@fubar.comfubartag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-231983.8370862008-07-16T07:48:38-07:002008-07-16T07:48:38-07:00page 41/bookHave You
ever seen those little girls that try so hard
to be big and bad knowing that there really
not and it makes you wanna walk up to them
and slap them so hard that they wake up and
put some mary janes on and walk to school
all sweet like. well i do and there is
this one little girl that when i see her i forget
about the rush and just want to open
her eyes to the world knowing that as soon
as she is past me that i am going to
go right back to my lust and forget that she
was ever there that is untill her little
wanna be smart ass walks back by
ScarlettMylovehttp://fubar.com/scarlettmylove333noreply@fubar.comtag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-231983.8370852008-07-16T07:48:00-07:002008-07-16T07:48:00-07:00page 40Hate
you start to hate that one friend
that is making you get balls and
is showing you that you can be
yourself and happy without the
rush that calls your name you
know that she has only the best
in mind but you want to kill her
and run back into the arms of
that one true love that has been
by your side never leaving you
once so you sit there and try
to think of anything to keep
your mind busy so you come
up with this
ScarlettMylovehttp://fubar.com/scarlettmylove333noreply@fubar.comtag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-231983.8370842008-07-16T07:47:17-07:002008-07-16T07:47:17-07:00page 39/bookCards
Keep
my
hands
busy
while
i
lust
after
the
rush
wanting
to
give
in
knowing
that
if
you
do
you
will
get
the
worst
ass
beating
of
your
life
yet
you
wonder
if
it
would
be
worth
it
just
onceScarlettMylovehttp://fubar.com/scarlettmylove333noreply@fubar.comtag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-231983.8370822008-07-16T07:46:26-07:002008-07-16T07:46:26-07:00page 38/bookUse
Slowly you get use to it
and you start thinking of new ways
to get the rush
wondering what other drug
there is out there that will make
you happy
lusting after anything that makes
you forget that you should
have a job and a life and love
but opening your eyes to the
fact that you have nothing and
no one to care about you till
you find that one smart ass
of a friend that truly understands
you and tells you
that if you give into the rush one
more time that she will
slap the living hell out of you
ScarlettMylovehttp://fubar.com/scarlettmylove333noreply@fubar.comtag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-231983.8370802008-07-16T07:45:47-07:002008-07-16T07:45:47-07:00page 37/bookThe Hunger
Its like you have not
eatten in days and you
dont know if you should
just give in and eat all
you can or just go slowly
eating every hour letting
your body get used to it
if you dont eat you go crazy
thinking of it and dreaming
of the food and you get
flooded with the earge to
just eat yourself to death
but in the end you just go
all out and wake up wondering
what the fuck you just did
and how you are going to
cover up the mess you made
eating that is...
ScarlettMylovehttp://fubar.com/scarlettmylove333noreply@fubar.comtag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-231983.8370792008-07-16T07:44:57-07:002008-07-16T07:44:57-07:00page 36/bookThe Mess
is about the only things that i
hate having to clean up seeing
my life on the floor in a puddle
seeing my bodys hard work
knowing that its making up for it
yet deep down not truly
giving a fuck but planing my
next trip into my black whole
knowing that i cant do it so soon
because if they find out i will
get killed because i might not
think they care but they do and it
SUCKS
ScarlettMylovehttp://fubar.com/scarlettmylove333noreply@fubar.comtag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-231983.8370772008-07-16T07:44:18-07:002008-07-16T07:44:18-07:00page 35/bookLooking
Looking at the knife is the only things that
she
her
i
me
who ever the hell i am gets a kick out of
sitting there and staring at it knowing that
for now i have some small power as to if
i pick it up or wait another moment befor
i give in anyway knowing that when i am
done i might feel ashamed of myself but
the thoughts of my brother no longer linger
so closely to home and that i can no longer
smell him like i do every time i wake up from
those dreams that everyone thinks i should
just ignore and not let run my life but i just
give into the rush of the knife and let all else
around me slip away not caring what happens
that is untill i open my eyes and start looking
again
ScarlettMylovehttp://fubar.com/scarlettmylove333noreply@fubar.comtag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-231983.8370762008-07-16T07:43:32-07:002008-07-16T07:43:32-07:00page 34/bookBack To
the dreams that where making me sleep
less and less every night making it hard to
close my eyes at night knowing that i was
going to wake up to in a few hours
i see the hands on my arms and i feel them
i see the bites on my neck and i whimper
the dreams become more real and they
keep me from the deep REM sleep that
i day dream about once having so aften
i fight to keep my eyes open knowing that i am
letting him run my life even after i said i would not
ever let my brother do that again but giving into the fear
of another memory jumping back into my mind of my childhood
stolen by a teen that could not keep it in his pants and hurt his
little sister not caring that she was inocent of any wrong
doings not caring that it would messing up her life and
drag her into hurting herself to stay sane and being so
galibel that she lets people walk over her not caring that they do
ScarlettMylovehttp://fubar.com/scarlettmylove333noreply@fubar.comtag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-231983.8370752008-07-16T07:42:50-07:002008-07-16T07:42:50-07:00page 33/bookSlowly I
start sliping into the thoughts
of how sweet it would be just
to run that blaid so slowly across my wrist
and watch my life leave just as
fast as it came in the first place
and the sad thing is those thoughts dont
scare me like the once did and
they dont stop me dead in my tracks
instead that make me giggle like i had been
sniffing cat nip for hours and nothing
seemed to stun me anymore like
the first time that i seen myself in my head
doing the act that was always on my
mind letting me remember that i was
Crazy
ScarlettMylovehttp://fubar.com/scarlettmylove333noreply@fubar.comtag:fubar.com,2010:BlogAtom-231983.8370742008-07-16T07:42:08-07:002008-07-16T07:42:08-07:00page 32/bookThat Is
untill you
rat yourself
out not
caring that
you are
once again
talking to
yourself and
now telling
on yourself
like its
really going
to do
much for
youScarlettMylovehttp://fubar.com/scarlettmylove333noreply@fubar.com