To be a Democrat:
1. You have to be against capital punishment,
but support abortion on demand.
2. You have to believe that businesses create oppression
and governments create prosperity.
3. You have to believe that guns in the hands of law-abiding Americans
are more of a threat than nuclear weapons
in the hands of Chinese and Korean communists.
4. You have to believe that there was no art before Federal funding.
5. You have to believe that global temperatures are more affected
by people driving SUV's, than by documented
cyclical changes in the earth's climate.
6. You have to believe that gender roles are artificial
but being homosexual is natural.
7. You have to believe that the AIDS virus
is spread by a lack of federal funding.
8. You have to believe that the same teacher
who can't teach fourth graders how to read
is qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
9. You have to believe that hunters don't care about nature,
but loony activists who have never been out of the city, do.
10. You have to believe that self-esteem is more important
than actually doing something to earn it.
11. You have to believe that Mel Gibson spent $25 million
of his own money to make 'The Passion of the Christ' for financial gain.
12. You have to believe the NRA is bad
because it supports certain parts of the Constitution,
but the ACLU is good
because it supports certain parts of the Constitution.
13. You have to believe that ATM fees are too high,
but taxes are too low.
14. You have to believe that Margaret Sanger and Gloria Steinem
are more important to American history than
Thomas Jefferson, Thomas Edison, and A.G. Bell.
15. You have to believe that standardized tests are racist,
but racial quotas are not.
16. You have to believe that Hillary Clinton
is normal and a very nice person.
17. You have to believe that the only reason
socialism hasn't worked anywhere it has ever been tried
is because the right people haven't been in charge.
18. You have to believe conservatives telling the truth
belong in jail, but a liar and sex offender belongs in the White House.
19. You have to believe that homosexual parades
are constitutionally protected,
but manger scenes at Christmas are illegal.
20. You have to believe that illegal funding of the Democratic Party
by the Chinese Government is acceptable.
21. You have to believe that it's okay
to give Federal workers Christmas Day off,
but it's offensive to say 'Merry Christmas'.
Ready to vote???